Week 36: Funny Smell

Hasn't been seen for a while

Remarkably, Neil's Diamonds take their manager Neil McConaghy to the highest heights in the land for the second year running. He is the third manager in 5 years to successfully retain the League Title. What makes this year's title-winning journey all the more remarkable is that Mr McConaghy didn't make a single transfer request throughout the entire season. In fact, he might as well not have been there.

And while his neighbours continue to gossip about the funny smell coming from his flat we can confirm that he was unavailable for comment.

Almost as interesting is that the previous two managers to have enjoyed 'Consecutive Season Title Success Syndrome' were actually facing off in the OFFL Cup Final with Inter Milandrover's Smasher looking to retain the Cup for an unlikely second time over arch rival Russell Bielby of Livercoolio.

And, yes, the results are in...
==============
OFFL Cup Final
--------------
RESULT

         Livercoolio 67 v 76 Inter Milandrover
      Russell Bielby         Smasher


Inter Milandrover are the OFFL Cup Winners for the third year running. Now that's remarkable.

Congratulations should also go to this season's League Runners Up, Moanchester United, who finished a considerable 58 points behind the Diamonds.

Crystal Phallus need to take a long hard look at themselves for not even making it past the 1000 point mark. Shameful. [GAVIN WARD WIPES BROW WITH OUTPUFF OF RELIEF].

Manager of the Week for this final week, and his second time this season, was Jon King. His Moobchester United scooped a bulbously pert 93 points leaving him restless in Thirteenth.

So what next? Fewer posts from us, here at Studmarks, for sure. And maybe the four-yearly embarrassment that is England Men's ritual descent in the World Rankings as they get knocked out in the qualifying round to Panama. And while the Chairman writes his usual scathing letter to the FA demanding the instant reinstatement of the Home Nations Tournament, we wave goodbye to Him, quill in hand, papers flying, chained to a large bureau that doesn't quite fit into the back of a rapidly disappearing ambulance.

He'll be back (pending full mental assessment).

May you all have a marvellous Summer and enjoy the hype that is the Men's World Cup.

Spasiba, comrades. Spasiba.
=======================
UNECCESARY PLAYER STATS
-----------------------

Top 20 Scorers
--------------

PINPoPosSurname      Club_iValueTotal
-------------------------------------
443 MF Salah, M     LIV   £4.5  256
627 ST Kane, H      TOT   £7.0  220
454 MF Sterling, R  MCY   £4.6  193
625 ST Heung-Min, S TOT   £5.0  182
445 MF de Bruyne, K MCY   £5.7  180
595 ST Vardy, J     LEI   £5.4  178
606 ST Lukaku, R    MUN   £6.6  172
596 ST Firmino, R   LIV   £5.7  168
431 MF Mahrez, R    LEI   £5.1  162
513 MF Eriksen, C   TOT   £5.5  162
602 ST Aguero, S    MCY   £6.8  158
197 DF Azpilicueta, CHE   £4.5  156
196 DF Alonso, M    CHE   £4.3  154
451 MF Sane, L      MCY   £4.9  153
557 ST Sanchez, A   ARS   £7.0  150
254 DF Walker, K    MCY   £4.2  139
133 GK Moraes, E    MCY   £3.6  136
510 MF Alli, D      TOT   £5.8  135
357 MF Gross, P     BTN   £2.7  132
252 DF Otamendi, N  MCY   £3.7  131


Most Value For Money
--------------------

All Players
-----------
PIN PosSurname      Club_iValue   Total  Pts/£
----------------------------------------------
443 MF Salah, M     LIV   £4.5     256   56.89
669 GK Pope, N      BUR   £2.3     115   50.00
193 DF Tarkowski, J BUR   £2.1     105   50.00
357 MF Gross, P     BTN   £2.7     132   48.89
525 MF Doucoure, A  WAT   £2.0      90   45.00
454 MF Sterling, R  MCY   £4.6     193   41.96
195 DF Ward, S      BUR   £2.3      94   40.87
394 MF Milivojevic, CRY   £2.6     105   40.38
110 GK Ryan, M      BTN   £2.5      99   39.60
133 GK Moraes, E    MCY   £3.6     136   37.78
375 MF Gudmundsson, BUR   £2.5      92   36.80
625 ST Heung-Min, S TOT   £5.0     182   36.40
225 DF Jorgensen, M HUD   £2.4      87   36.25
306 DF Davies, B    TOT   £3.4     123   36.18
196 DF Alonso, M    CHE   £4.3     154   35.81
303 DF van der HoornSWA   £2.1      75   35.71
252 DF Otamendi, N  MCY   £3.7     131   35.41
262 DF Smalling, C  MUN   £3.6     126   35.00
197 DF Azpilicueta, CHE   £4.5     156   34.67
191 DF Lowton, M    BUR   £2.5      85   34.00
163 DF Gibbs, K     ARS   £2.8      94   33.57


Goalkeepers
-----------
PIN PosSurname      Club_iValue   Total  Pts/£
----------------------------------------------
669 GK Pope, N      BUR   £2.3     115  50.000
110 GK Ryan, M      BTN   £2.5      99  39.600
133 GK Moraes, E    MCY   £3.6     136  37.778
134 GK de Gea, D    MUN   £3.9     127  32.564
124 GK Lossl, J     HUD   £2.7      86  31.852
142 GK McCarthy, A  SOT   £2.0      58  29.000
150 GK Lloris, H    TOT   £3.8     109  28.684
147 GK Fabianski, L SWA   £2.9      83  28.621
115 GK Courtois, T  CHE   £4.0     114  28.500
154 GK Foster, B    WBA   £2.8      78  27.857

Defenders
---------
PIN PosSurname      Club_iValue   Total  Pts/£
----------------------------------------------
193 DF Tarkowski, J BUR   £2.1     105   50.00
195 DF Ward, S      BUR   £2.3      94   40.87
225 DF Jorgensen, M HUD   £2.4      87   36.25
306 DF Davies, B    TOT   £3.4     123   36.18
196 DF Alonso, M    CHE   £4.3     154   35.81
303 DF van der HoornSWA   £2.1      75   35.71
252 DF Otamendi, N  MCY   £3.7     131   35.41
262 DF Smalling, C  MUN   £3.6     126   35.00
197 DF Azpilicueta, CHE   £4.5     156   34.67
191 DF Lowton, M    BUR   £2.5      85   34.00

Midfielders
-----------
PIN PosSurname      Club_iValue   Total  Pts/£
----------------------------------------------
443 MF Salah, M     LIV   £4.5     256   56.89
357 MF Gross, P     BTN   £2.7     132   48.89
525 MF Doucoure, A  WAT   £2.0      90   45.00
454 MF Sterling, R  MCY   £4.6     193   41.96
394 MF Milivojevic, CRY   £2.6     105   40.38
375 MF Gudmundsson, BUR   £2.5      92   36.80
528 MF Richarlison  WAT   £3.0      99   33.00
500 MF Carroll, T   SWA   £2.6      83   31.92
431 MF Mahrez, R    LEI   £5.1     162   31.76
445 MF de Bruyne, K MCY   £5.7     180   31.58

Strikers
--------
PIN PosSurname      Club_iValue   Total  Pts/£
----------------------------------------------
625 ST Heung-Min, S TOT   £5.0     182   36.40
595 ST Vardy, J     LEI   £5.4     178   32.96
622 ST Ayew, J      SWA   £3.3     104   31.52
627 ST Kane, H      TOT   £7.0     220   31.43
621 ST Abraham, T   SWA   £3.2      97   30.31
596 ST Firmino, R   LIV   £5.7     168   29.47
567 ST Murray, G    BTN   £3.6     104   28.89
613 ST Perez, A     NEW   £3.4      98   28.82
569 ST Barnes, A    BUR   £3.4      95   27.94
619 ST Diouf, M     STO   £3.3      91   27.58


Potential Dream Team?  Can you do better?
==========================================
 PIN  Surname         Pos   Club   Value  Total
 ----------------------------------------------
 134  de Gea, D       GK    MUN      £3.9  127
 197  Azpilicueta, C  DF    CHE      £4.5  156
 196  Alonso, M       DF    CHE      £4.3  154
 262  Smalling, C     DF    MUN      £3.6  126
 169  Monreal, N      DF    ARS      £3.8  112
 443  Salah, M        MF    LIV      £4.5  256
 454  Sterling, R     MF    MCY      £4.6  193
 445  de Bruyne, K    MF    MCY      £5.7  180
 357  Gross, P        MF    BTN      £2.7  132
 627  Kane, H         ST    TOT      £7.0  220
 625  Heung-Min, S    ST    TOT      £5.0  182
 ---------------------------------------------
                                          1838
                                         =====
                            Value £  49.6


T h e  F I N A L  T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 61 1551
 2 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 60 1493
 3 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 67 1485
 4 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 54 1483
 5 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              49.6 76 1442
 6 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 50 1429
 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 47 1409
 8 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 63 1405
 9 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 70 1402
10 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.3 59 1390

Week 35: Standing on the Verge

Standing on the verge

We stand on the verge of crowning Mr Neil McConaghy with the diadem of double dominance as his Diamonds do it again - that is, win the OFFL Championship for the second year running. But let us pretend for one more week that it could be an open race.  It isn't an open race but we're already losing our viewers to the Eurovision Song Contest and we can't stand the thought of writing this bloody nonsense for nothing.

Every week.  I mean.  Come on.  Bloody nonsense.  For you.

You don't care.

Though, you might [you won't] when you see the OFFL Cup Final breakdown between Livercoolio and Inter Milandrover.


========================
OFFL Cup Final Breakdown
------------------------

Livercoolio      ClubTotal | Inter Milandrover    ClubTotal
-------------------------- | ------------------------------
 134 GK de Gea, D MUN  120 | 119 GK  Pickford, J  EVE   48
 197 DF AzpilicuetCHE   57 | 234 DF  Maguire, H   LEI   31
 193 DF Tarkowski,BUR   31 | 306 DF  Davies, B    TOT  116
 510 MF Alli, D   TOT  133 | 445 MF  de Bruyne, K MCY   90
 459 MF Lingard, JMUN   45 | 454 MF  Sterling, R  MCY   76
 454 MF Sterling, MCY   82 | 441 MF  Mane, S      LIV  105
 627 ST Kane, H   TOT   78 | 595 ST  Vardy, J     LEI   51
 596 ST Firmino, RLIV  163 | 707 ST  Aubameyang, PARS   15

Hence, Livercoolio are the Firm[ino] favourites to defeat this season's disappointing Inter Milandrover.

Meanwhile, as most of you sidestep any passing interest in The OFFL Cup you will of course be happy to take note that the Manager of the Week this week is Brighton Beautiful's Karyn Meaden-Pratt. The bright and beautiful Mrs Meaden-Pratt popped in an impressively sized 47 points.

Pop.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 17 1490
 2 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 17 1433
 3 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 27 1429
 4 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 24 1418
 5 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 19 1379
 6 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              48.3 21 1366
 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 18 1362
 8 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 31 1342
 9 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 18 1332
10 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.3 47 1331

Week 34: OFFL Cup Semi-Final Results

Manager of the Week this week is Minty Colquhoun with a big fat score of 44. This moves her Minty's Minions up two places into Fourteenth.

Pundits are already slapping their pates over whether Guy Salter's Crystal Phallus and Gavin Ward's Wardy's Wasters will wobble themselves within the 1000 point watermark as yet another season can be written off as 'calamitous' by both of these managing failures.

========
OFFL Cup
--------
Semi-Finals, Results

         Livercoolio 39 v  26 Brighton Beautiful
      Russell Bielby          Karyn Meaden-Pratt
         
   Inter Milandrover 28 v  21 Moobchester United
             Smasher          Jon King


The Final will therefore be between Livercoolio and Inter Milandrover.  Can the current holders Inter Milandrover retain the Cup for the THIRD YEAR RUNNING?

It's unlikely, let's face it.  Livercoolio are looking quite, quite dangerous.

The final will be played in Week 36, the final week of the season.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 18 1473
 2 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 32 1416
 3 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 10 1402
 4 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 39 1394
 5 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 23 1360
 6 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              48.3 28 1345
 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 22 1344
 8 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 19 1314
 9 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 17 1311
10 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.3 26 1284

Week 33: OFFL Cup Semi Finals Draw

OFFL Cup: Semi-Finals Week

Joint Managers of the Week this week are Russell Bielby and Craig McHugh who both steered their Livercoolio and Game Of Throw Ins respectively to a big fat 70 point total each.  Both climb a place in the league table putting Livercoolio into Fourth and Game Of Throw Ins into Eighth.

This must feel like great preparation for first-time Manager of the Week Bielby as he takes his team into the Semi-Finals of the OFFL Cup this week.

========
OFFL Cup
--------
Semi Finals,Wk 34
           
      Livercoolio v Brighton Beautiful
   Russell Bielby   Karen Meaden-Pratt
   
Inter Milandrover v Moobchester United
          Smasher   Jon King

Yes.  We start playing these fixtures tonight.  So get your transfers in before 1730hrs.

We are officially running out of weeks.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 64 1455
 2 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 55 1392
 3 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 64 1384
 4 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 70 1355
 5 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 44 1337
 6 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 67 1322
 7 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              48.3 51 1317
 8 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 70 1295
 9 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 34 1294
10 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1 49 1258

Week 32: Helmsmanship

Neil McConaghy

As host to the parasite that is the OFFL, it's been a hard old season for the English Premiership.  Including, also, for the slap-headed pundits trying to push an exciting narrative on what has been a near-total dominance by just one team: trying to squeeze some excitement into a campaign that was won bloomin' ages ago.  Of course, they attempt to distract from it by over-praising the dominant team as the most brilliantest and bestest bunch of ball kickers ever, honest, like, in the world.  But it doesn't change what has been an inevitability.

Neil McConaghy's helmsmanship of his own dominant team has been steadily pushing the rest of the OFFL further and further behind him too.  Unlike Pep Guardiola, however, Mr McConaghy hasn't dabbled in the transfer market at all.  AT ALL.  Neil's Diamonds has a full transfer quota of 12 remaining and if they continue their ascent to a second league title in a row, their Manager's legend will sit quite comfortably alongside that of Guardiola's.

In other words, we call on the rest of you chasing managers to get a move on and challenge the old git or he'll never stop banging on about it.

At least he's not in the...

========
OFFL Cup
--------
Quarter Finals, RESULTS
           
            Bayern Bru 32 v  48 Livercoolio
          Guy Harewood          Russ Bielby
            
     Inter Milandrover 49 v  26 RS-TBOY
               Smasher          Rick Beecroft
     
              Pyeators 29 v  34 Brighton Beautiful
          Dave Clayton          Karyn Meaden-Pratt
              
    Moobchester United 32 v  30 Irishpool
              Jon King          Mike Smears


Russell Bielby's Livercoolio, Smasher's Inter Milandrover, Karyn Meaden-Pratt's Brighton Beautiful and Jon King's Moobchester United are left fighting for a place in the OFFL Cup Final. Can Smasher retain the Cup for the third year running?  Can Livercoolio better his Cup Final defeat of 2008?  Let's hope not in both cases: it's Moobchester United's turn for some silverware glory, isn't it?

Interesting fact: 50% of the current top ten teams have managers with a four letter forename.

*Swoon*

Manager of the Week is Smasher.  Inter Milandrover scored 49 points.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 37 1391
 2 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 32 1337
 3 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 36 1320
 4 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 38 1293
 5 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 48 1285
 6 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              48.3 49 1266
 7 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 29 1260
 8 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 26 1255
 9 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 31 1225
10 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1 34 1209

Week 31: Thigh-slappingly interesting

Thigh slap, lightning, etc.

Manager of the Week is the monstrously marvellous and mighty Minty 'It's Pronounced Ka-hooon' Colquhoun.  Her Minions knocked in an equally monstrous and marvellous 41 points.

This is a thigh-slappingly interesting fact...all our managers with forenames beginning with an 'M' lie in the bottom half of the table.  

Unlucky for soMe.

Neil McConaghy's unchanged Diamonds remain top of the table while Third-placed Alex Blundell's Moanchester United gain ground - though they are still armstretchingly out of reach by 70 points.

We're getting closer to the end of the season, aren't we?

We ARE playing for the Semis of the OFFL Cup...

========
OFFL Cup
--------
Quarter-Finals
           
        Bayern Bru    v    Livercoolio
      Guy Harewood         Russ Bielby
            
 Inter Milandrover    v    RS-TBOY
           Smasher         Rick Beecroft
     
          Pyeators    v    Brighton Beautiful
      Dave Clayton         Karyn Meaden-Pratt
              
Moobchester United    v    Irishpool
          Jon King         Mike Smears


---
T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 22 1354
 2 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 15 1305
 3 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 35 1284
 4 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 28 1255
 5 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 32 1237
 6 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 26 1231
 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 24 1229
 8 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              48.3 32 1217
 9 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 25 1194
10 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1 13 1175

Week 29 & 30: Cupped Moobs

Jon King's Cupped Moobs

Come on, chop chop, we have another week to catch up blah-di-blah....

Manager of the Week is Jon King for his Moobchester United scoring all those 57 points.  Cuppingly good, what?

And talking of cupping Moobs...

========
OFFL Cup
--------
ROUND THREE, Wk 32
           
        Bayern Bru    v    Livercoolio
      Guy Harewood         Russ Bielby
            
 Inter Milandrover    v    RS-TBOY
           Smasher         Rick Beecroft
     
          Pyeators    v    Brighton Beautiful
      Dave Clayton         Karyn Meaden-Pratt
              
Moobchester United    v    Irishpool
          Jon King         Mike Smears



T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 49 1332
 2 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 39 1290
 3 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 33 1249
 4 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 30 1227
 5 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 46 1205
 6 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 51 1205
 7 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 27 1205
 8 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              48.3 49 1185
 9 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 47 1169
10 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1 37 1162

Week 28: Mo Shun Sickness

Mo 'n' Jo

Back in the days of a Mourinho-managed Chelsea, one Blues' squad member called Mohamed Salah was seen to be worthy merely for one thing: warming the bench for the comfort of his more illustrious and much-photographed team mates.

While his youthfully mighty Egyptian buttocks contributed cozily to 2015's successful Premiership Title push that year it was only when Jose let him leave Stamford Bridge that Mo started to flourish for Fiorentina.

The following season, things went weightily wobbly for Chelsea forcing them to jettison Jose.

And to wrap a story up before the relevance of the punchline goes missing...

Chelsea, quite literally, lost their MoJo.

[PAUSE]

[SILENCE]

[/PAUSE]

Too tenuous, huh? 

OK. How about this...

[TAKES ANOTHER RUN UP]

At Chelsea, Jose Mourinho didn't utilise the sensational Mohamed Salah who subsequently left.  Could we say that Mourinho must now be suffering from Mo Shun Sickness?

[AUDIBLE SIGH]

Oh COME ON!  It's better than the rubbish you've been getting recently.

Managers of the Week are Nick and Sam Reed: their Pogboom scored a large 75 points which is just the sort of distraction Dr Reed needs right now, what with him being personally responsible for the entire driverless car thing.  Yeah!

This'll distract the reader from yet another appalling Studmarks.

[PICKS UP PITCH FORK]

========

OFFL Cup
--------
Quarter Finals, Wk 32
           
        Bayern Bru    v    Livercoolio
      Guy Harewood         Russ Bielby
            
 Inter Milandrover    v    RS-TBOY
           Smasher         Rick Beecroft
     
          Pyeators    v    Brighton Beautiful
      Dave Clayton         Karyn Meaden-Pratt
              
Moobchester United    v    Irishpool
          Jon King         Mike Smears

---

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 62 1283
 2 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 50 1251
 3 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 52 1216
 4 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 75 1197
 5 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 48 1178
 6 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 59 1159
 7 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 46 1154
 8 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              49.9 54 1136
 9 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1 38 1125
10 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 61 1122

Week 27: Move on

...and talking of Pyeators [thank you for your patience] Dave Clayton became Manager of the Week last week with 44 points.

Not much to write home about otherwise.  Shall we move on to Week 28?

Yes.  Yes, let's.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 30 1221
 2 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 30 1201
 3 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 33 1164
 4 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 44 1130
 5 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 34 1122
 6 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 34 1103
 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 20 1100
 8 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1 14 1087
 9 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              49.9 26 1077
10 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 23 1061

Week 26: OFFL Cup Round Two, RESULTS

Dave Clayton: failing but defeating.

While Pyeators miserably fail to snatch back Fourth place from Pogboom (by just 3 points), they DID manage to boot them out of the Cup.  Meanwhile, current holders Inter Milandrover scrape through by the pelt of their gnashers by defeating plucky Johnny's Heroes by one point.  Manager Mrs Bielby looks on as her husband, Mr Bielby, comfortably knocks out What's Scotland For?

Manager of the Week this week is Guy Harewood.  His Bayern Bru crush Ali McMoist in the OFFL Cup with a Manager of the Week certificate-winning 74 points.  Foof.

========
OFFL Cup
--------
ROUND TWO RESULTS, Wk26

Moobchester United 59 v  52 Radnorshire Tigers
Pogboom            42 v  53 Pyeators
Livercoolio        44 v  30 What's Scotland For?
Inter Milandrover  41 v  40 Johnny's Heroes
Irishpool          69 v  49 Game Of Throw Ins
Bayern Bru         74 v  37 Ali McMoist
Brighton Beautiful 59 v  55 Minty's Minions
Neil's Diamonds    49 v  59 RS-TBOY

Through to the next round...

Moobchester United, Jon King
Pyeators, Dave Clayton
Livercoolio, Russell Bielby
Inter Milandrover, Smasher
Irishpool, Mike Smears
Bayern Bru, Guy Harewood
Brighton Beautiful, Karyn Meaden-Pratt
RS-TBOY, Rick Beecroft

Have a week.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 49 1191
 2 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 74 1171
 3 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 27 1131
 4 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 42 1088
 5 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 53 1086
 6 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 59 1080
 7 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1 59 1073
 8 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 44 1069
 9 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              49.9 41 1051
10 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 49 1038

Week 25: Pogboing

Jumping Pogboom.  Into Fourth.

The only team to move up the table this week, into Fourth, is Pogboom.  Managed by this week's Managers of the Week, Nick and Sam Reed. 

Messrs Reed and Reed steered their team to a week's tally of 48 points.  This score would have been enough to get them through the next round of the cup of course.  Their opponents next week?  Ah, yes, their opponents are the same team they've just replaced in Fourth as it happens.

Dave Clayton's Pyeators.

Needle.

Hang on!  What Cup are we talking about?

THIS Cup

========
OFFL CUP
--------
ROUND TWO, Wk26

Moobchester United     v  Radnorshire Tigers
Pogboom                v  Pyeators
Livercoolio            v  What's Scotland For?
Inter Milandrover      v  Johnny's Heroes
Irishpool              v  Game Of Throw Ins
Bayern Bru             v  Ali McMoist
Brighton Beautiful     v  Minty's Minions
Neil's Diamonds        v  RS-TBOY

You can do it!  Yes, you can!  Go Go GO.

Just dropped a pom pom.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 45 1142

 2 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 45 1104

 3 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 40 1097

 4 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 48 1046

 5 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 24 1033

 6 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 41 1025

 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 38 1021

 8 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1 39 1014

 9 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              49.9 40 1010

10 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 41  989

Week 24: Remarkable Sheep

Rearmarkable Sheep

The Unlikely Manager of the Week this week is Martyn Field.  His unremarkable Sheep City scored a remarkable 31 points moving themselves up one place.  One.

The Sheep are no longer second from bottom.

We, here in the Studmarks offices, still find the word 'bottom' amusing.

Now, everybody look at Gavin Ward's weekly score... EVERYONE!

Snnnnngggr.

And as if you could forget: OFFL Cup soon.

And it looks like this...

========
OFFL Cup
--------
ROUND TWO, Wk26

Moobchester United     v  Radnorshire Tigers
Pogboom                v  Pyeators
Livercoolio            v  What's Scotland For?
Inter Milandrover      v  Johnny's Heroes
Irishpool              v  Game Of Throw Ins
Bayern Bru             v  Ali McMoist
Brighton Beautiful     v  Minty's Minions
Neil's Diamonds        v  RS-TBOY

Got any transfers you want to make?

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 24 1097

 2 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 18 1059

 3 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 23 1057

 4 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 20 1009

 5 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 26  998

 6 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 11  984

 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 17  983

 8 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1  6  975

 9 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              49.9 20  970

10 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0  8  948

Week 23: Being Alex Blundell

Being Alex Blundell

Oh my goodness they've switched places again. Current Champions, and the team being managed by this week's Manager of the Week Certificate winner, Neil's Diamonds have leapfrogged Moanchester United to land in top spot once more.  Is there really nothing that Mr Blundell can't moan about? Like, for instance, the construction of that second sentence?  Like, for instance, already being out of the OFFL Cup?  Like, for instance, being Alex Blundell?

Tough gig that.

========
OFFL Cup
--------
ROUND TWO, Wk26

Moobchester United     v  Radnorshire Tigers
Jon King                  Alun Edwards

Pogboom                v  Pyeators
Sam & Nick Reed           Dave Clayton

Livercoolio            v  What's Scotland For?
Russell Bielby            Matilda Larking

Inter Milandrover      v  Johnny's Heroes
Smasher                   Sarah Bielby

Irishpool              v  Game Of Throw Ins
Mike Smears               Craig McHugh

Bayern Bru             v  Ali McMoist
Guy Harewood              Alison Faulkner

Brighton Beautiful     v  Minty's Minions
Karyn Meaden-Pratt        Minty Colquhoun

Neil's Diamonds        v  RS-TBOY
Neil McConaghy            Rick Beecroft

Round Two is to be played over Week 26, so get your transfers in and let's see who can knock the cup out of Inter Milandrover's trophy cabinet first, shall we?  Mrs Bielby?  You're up next.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 58 1073
 2 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 25 1041
 3 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 33 1034
 4 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         49.9 37  989
 5 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 51  973
 6 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 47  972
 7 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1 48  969
 8 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 35  966
 9 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              49.2 50  950
10 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 39  940

Week 22: One Thousand Points

For the first time ever in OFFL history we have teams that have passed the 1000 point mark.  Which just goes to show how ridiculous the scoring system is these days and that all these young fantasy footballers don't know they're born and we blame the parents.

And all that.  

Isn't it though.

More excitingly, First and Second Place in the League are merely one point apart while Third Place Bayern Bru rest a mere 16 points from usurping both.

Karyn Meaden-Bloody-Pratt is this week's Manager of the Week Certificate winner as she watched her all things Brighton Beautiful score a rather impressive 78 points, pushing her up a total of zero places in the league to remain in Eighth.

In the meantime, as we hear the tinkle of broken glass fall to the floor following the slamming shut of the Premiership transfer window, we might as well have a look at our very own transfer quota state of affairs...  and it's looking good for Neil's Diamonds.

Transfers Remaining
-------------------

Lge                                               Transf
Pos Team                Manager             Value Remain
----------------------------------------------------------
 2 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7   12
 5 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8   12
 9 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0   12
16 What's Scotland For? Matilda Larking      49.2   12
17 Suits You Sur-man    Sarah Bingham        49.3   12
19 Ali McMoist          Alison Faulkner      49.3   12
21 RockRollford United  Edgar Rayner         48.0   12
22 Wardy's Wasters      Gavin Ward           49.4   12
23 Sheep City           Martyn Field         49.9   12
24 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           48.5   12
 1 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4   11
 6 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3   11
15 Rushden Academicals 2Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 49.9   11
 4 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         49.9   10
11 Johnny's Heroes      Sarah Bielby         48.1   10
 3 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6   8
12 Radnorshire Tigers   Alun Edwards         50.0   8
13 Moobchester United   Jon King             49.7   8
14 Irishpool            Mike Smears          48.2   7
18 Minty's Minions      Minty Colquhoun      49.1   7
 7 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0   6
10 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              49.2   4
20 Obi Wan Kenobi Nil   Chris Walsh          44.5   4
 8 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1   1

Oh dear Chris Walsh.  DON'T LOOK AT HIM!  He might cry.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 70 1016
 2 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 77 1015
 3 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 75 1001
 4 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         49.9 72  952
 5 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 66  931
 6 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 76  925
 7 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 60  922
 8 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1 78  921
 9 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 66  901
10 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              49.2 68  900