Week 07: Dropping Your Transfer Trousers

Russell Bielby has dropped his transfer trousers a little early this season

In the City today, Markets have rallied after this week's early signs of stability have encouraged an increase in Player trading activity.

Indeed, our leader from last week is our leader this week.  Absolutely Fabregas.  Such consistency marks them out as an official Title Contender no doubt, leaving others to work out a strategy to keep up.  And when we say 'others' we exclude Mike Smears and his Irishpool who signal their ascendency by swiping the Manager of the Week certificate.  A score of 22 points see them hobble into twenty-third.

No, when we say 'others' we mean people like Russell Bielby.  He has just called in sick for work after injuring his fingers while panic-typing his latest knee-jerk reaction transfer requests.

Who else is dropping their transfer trousers a little early this season?

Transfer Trouser Dropping Table

                                      Tot Transfers
Pos Team               Manager        Pts Remaining
---------------------------------------------------
19 Livercoolio         Russell Bielby  47     5
 3 Inter Milandrover   Smasher         72     7
24 Radnorshire Tigers  Alun Edwards    42     7
14 Pyeators            Dave Clayton    54     9
20 Neil's Diamonds     Neil McConaghy  46     9
 7 Dowds Farm Goblins  Nick Borrett    64    10
 4 RS-TBOY             Rick Beecroft   69    11
 8 Minty's Minions     Minty Colquhoun 63    11

There's 'Tinkering' and there's 'Admitting You've Made A TSB' [team selection ballzup].  We think we can tell which of the above fall into which category.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Absolutely Fabregas  Sarah Bingham        54.8 13  76
 2 Johnny's Heroes      Sarah Bielby         54.6 13  73
 3 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.9 10  72
 4 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        55.0 17  69
 5 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.8 17  68
 6 Toby's Gang          Toby Larking         55.0 17  65
 7 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         55.0  4  64
 8 Minty's Minions      Minty Colquhoun      54.6  4  63
 9 Starpratt Mustgo     Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 55.0 16  61
10 Shutdown FC          Sam Reed             54.4  6  59

Week 06: To Snooze Is To Lose Is To Blundell

Snoozing, losing, Blundelling.

Another Week, another Manager of the Week, another new top spot occupant.  What the bleedin' bloody blazes is going on?!

Sarah Bingham's Absolutely Fabregas climbed an astonishing seventeen places after they earned her this week's Manager of the Week Certificate by scoring an absolutely fabregas 29 points.

So what happened to Alex Blundell's Moanchester United? Well, they fell eight places after scoring zero - they snoozed, they loozed.  It's Craig McHugh's Game Of Throw Ins who fall furthest this week, however: a score of 3 points and a fall of eleven places.  Russ Bielby's Livercoolio fall ten.

Meanwhile, newcomer Mike Smears had a good start this week with 22 points while current Champions, Minty's Minions, are keeping up with the pace in Fifth, only four points off the top.  Not bad for an ol' gal, eh?

See you next week.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Absolutely Fabregas  Sarah Bingham        54.8 29  63
 2 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.9 17  62
 3 Johnny's Heroes      Sarah Bielby         54.6 10  60
 4 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         55.0 17  60
 5 Minty's Minions      Minty Colquhoun      55.0 19  59
 6 Shutdown FC          Sam Reed             54.4 15  53
 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        55.0 11  52
 8 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.8 12  51
 9 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        54.9  0  51
10 Toby's Gang          Toby Larking         55.0 11  48

Two New Teams Enter OFFL

Mike Smears, in his youth.

Well, we say 'two NEW teams' but they're actually being managed by two old managers.

In one instance we mean old as in 'not a stranger' while in the other instance we mean 'not a stranger' and just plain OLD.

Yes, indeed, welcome back the mature, experienced and noble womanly woman of a woman, Not-A-Man-dy Noble.  And welcome back also to the OFFL's very own Bruce Forsyth, Mike Smears.

Yes, yes, welcome back both.

Ooh, what's this?  A rant from expert OAP in cantankery, Mr Mike Smears...

Esteemed Dr Mr President

I am outraged. I left you with strict instructions last year to suspend the start of the new season until I returned from my hard work on the beaches of France. This year has been especially strenuous. 

Then I return and find that not only have you started but that some young managers have sprinted away with hundreds of points. 

I demand that you revert every other team to zero: and that my players can gain points retrospectively, for the time I was hard at work in France.

I promise you: if you do not accede to this demand, I shall leave the EU.

So there

Bristling from Brexit.

Week 05: Dodgy tash and a funny salute

The genius behind England's majestic dominance of footballing giants Slovakia.

While Big Sam Allardyce has cruelly reminded us of why his application for the job of England manager was rejected last time around, we are also reminded that the Office Fantasy Football League can be a cruel place too. As soon as the aroma of hope wafts itself up some poor unsuspecting manager's nostrils, that manager gets given the foul-stenching, full-nappied baby of despair to hold and drop.

Big Sam: Dodgy tash and
a funny salute?

Now, while Studmarks would love you all to write in and suggest how the above metaphor should be graciously side-stepped and forgotten, we would also like to slip back into frame the point we were trying to make. And that point is Moobchester United.

The former League leaders have been mercilessly knocked off the top by losing 5 points this week and collapsing fifteen places down the table into sixteenth.  Unprecedented.  Deserves a certificate of some sort in itself.

And it isn't even manager Jon King who has presided over the worst score of the week at that. It should be noted that the worst scorers of the week, and dropping ten places in the process, are Edgar Rayner's Moreton Rovers with a week's loss of 6 points.

Manager of the Week is Rick Beecroft - his RS-TBOY netted a marvellous 18 points elevating themselves up fourteen places into sixth, perhaps justifying his early transfer.  Perhaps.  But probably not.

So we congratulate Alex Blundell for steering his Moanchester United past a consistent second-placed Johnny's Heroes into pole position on the grid for Week 6.  And we commiserate with Ali Larking whose Perfect Man-inspired team selection is still failing to intimidate her husband by resting in second-from-last last place.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        54.9 14  51
 2 Johnny's Heroes      Sarah Bielby         54.6 12  50
 3 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.9 10  45
 4 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         55.0 16  43
 5 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         54.9 13  41
 6 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        55.0 18  41
 7 Minty's Minions      Minty Colquhoun      55.0 17  40
 8 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.8 10  39
 9 Roll all the dice FC Gavin Ward           55.0  3  39
10 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           54.1  7  38