Week 20: Livercoolio Enjoys Christmas

Manager of the Week, this most festive of weeks, is Russ Bielby. His Livercoolio scored 23 points pushing themselves up to second place in the table.

And Mr Bielby isn't resting on his laurels and hardies there. He's only gone and jiggled his front line-up up. Another fine mess he's got himself into?

Week 19: Twas the Week Before Christmas...

Manager of the Week this week is Rob Ivison again after managing his team toa very impressive score of 35 points. Massive. The score means A God
Called Fred climbs up five places in the table.

Just as worthy of note is Sarah Johns's team [Johnnies Heroes] climbing nine places into Fourteenth.

Nine Places. Foof.

....and finally, at last...


The OFFL Cup

Your League Table position after the Christmas period will determine your
OFFL Cup fixture for the First Round, i.e. ninth place in the table will
play sixth, fourteenth place will play thirteenth etc.

9 v 6 14 v 13 20 v 8 24 v 28
19 v 23 18 v 10 2 v 31 25 v 16
27 v 7 29 v 30 12 v 11 15 v 26
32 v 22 3 v 5 1 v 17 4 v 21

Week 18: Reaching Out to the Masses - and then changing one's mind

Yes, it was a funny old morning. Our Chairman had awoken five hours earlier than normal and so decided to try out something referred to as 'Breakfast' for once.

He'd greedily started munching through his over-milked cornflakes in front of the BBC's morning telly offering when suddenly an image appeared that made him gasp and panic for a short sharp switch back to the dry, humourless Turnbull & Williams sofa love-in.

In fact, the sight that was, quite literally, thrown up on Our Chairman's tastefully tinsel-framed screen was so traumatic that Our Usually Dignified and Most Serene Chairman returned the throw-up by guffaw-spewing an entire mouthful of milk and soggy flakes all over it as he desperately tried to reach for the remote control Off switch.

The sight that caused such spasms was that of OFFL Manager Nick Reed, of Gotsmanov's Salute.

On television.

In colour.

Shirt And Tie.

And Everything.

Clearly he was about to announce that his club was not in any financial trouble at all and could, actually, do with a bit more support from the fans. However, suffering from nerves and cold feet at the thought of the potential damage he could be doing to dressing room morale he chickened out at the last moment and ranted on and on about some sort of Transport Stat' about mobile phone usage on the road.

And such is the inadequacy of the current crap crop of investigative BBC Churnalists waving fluffy microphones in people's faces that the earnestly four-eyed presenter even encouraged Mr Reed to go off message with his stupid questions about accident rates and driving abilities.

Luckily for Mr Reed, the Chairman has decided against fining his team for having a manager that abuses his own pretty boy looks to intimidate the opposition. His eventual League position and inevitable Cup exit will be humiliative punishment enough.

The entire débâcle can be witnessed here http://j.mp/6He3MZ

Manager of the Week this week is Sarah John who guided her Johnny's Heroes to a weekly haul of 18 points.

Massive.

Arsenorm climbs furthest, up four, while Mat 'Lazy' Tucker wrestles last place from the incompetently loose and wimpish grip of Greg Spencer's Spencer's Heroes.

And finally, Neil 'Decimated Left Peg' Jukes retrieves the lead from Khumbula 'One Week' Dube.

And that, my lovelies, is all for this week.

Week 17: Our New Leader

After ten weeks at the top, Neil Jukes has been knocked off the top by Our New Leader, Khumbula Dube. Indeed, congratulations to the manager of Dube All Stars who enjoys a four point lead over Decimated Left Peg.

Manager of the Week is Rob Ivison whose A God Called Fred notched up 22pts, justifying his substitutes of a couple of weeks ago. Briefly.

A God Called Fred move up five places.

Meanwhile, Mat Tucker is desperately trying to seize Greg Spencer's spot at the bottom of the table by scoring minus 1 this week. This could, actually, be seen as attempted Actual Bodily Harm what with Greg's unexplained nosebleeds the moment he comes anywhere close to rising above bottom.