Week 20: Three Managers. Again.

Kevin Keegan in this year's OFFL Cup Prize

Another week with three claimants to the highly coveted Manager of the Week certificate. Many of you out there will be exasperated to learn that it STILL isn't your turn to be certified when you find out that the high scoring managers this week are Norma Snockers FC, Chi'Knees Czechers and BM Mingmongs. Meaning Sarah BingBong, Jirka O'Pat-Knee and Neil McConaghy have all steered their teams to 24pts.

Massive.

The OFFL HQ have refused to comment on the scandalous rumours, aimed at the current league leading manager Sarah Bingham, of 'child abuse' with the presentation of a potato. According to reports the child, Amelia, claimed that she "did be good". Officials are analysing the video evidence presented here...

 

OFFL Cup coming soon.
 
T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.7 24 229
 2 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.0 17 208
 3 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 24 204
 4 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5 20 203
 5 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.8 13 199
 6 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2 16 197
 7 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      54.7 24 196
 8 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0 22 195
 9 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        55.0 19 194
10 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1 15 191

Week 19: Three Managers

I know, Gary... THREE managers of the week.

There are three managers who have to share the Manager of the Week certificate this week. Yes. I said three.

What was that? Who are they? Of course. They are Dave Clayton, Rachel Jones and Alun Edwards. Their Shamone Muddy Funksters, Double's United and Radnorshire Tigers respectively all nip off with 22 points each.

Impressive, huh?

How's Wardy's Wanderers getting on?... ah.

We can see you, Edgar Rayner.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.7 14 205
 2 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.0  6 191
 3 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.8 15 186
 4 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5 19 183
 5 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2 18 181
 6 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 14 180
 7 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1  7 176
 8 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        55.0 22 175
 9 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0  6 173
10 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      54.7 18 172

Week 18: Ward's withering

Thanks to some expertly executed transfers, Rick Beecroft is this week's Manager of the Week. His RS T-Boys notched up an impressive 21 points.

And everyone look at Gavin Ward's Wardy's Wanderers. Fallen three places to the very bottom of the pile. By scoring nothing. NOTHING. You ARE your score.







T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.7 20 191
 2 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.0 17 185
 3 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.8 12 171
 4 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1 10 169
 5 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0 14 167
 6 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 13 166
 7 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5 12 164
 8 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2 11 163
 9 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7  8 159
10 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      54.7  9 154

Week 17: Jirka

Manager of the Week for Week 17 is Jirka Opatrny. And while you try and re-read that name without moving your lips, congratulate 'George' on him steering his Chi'Knees Czechers to a haul of 24 points. Making his team the biggest movers, up seven places into fifth.




 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.7 18 171
 2 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.0 22 168
 3 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1 19 159
 3 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.8 23 159
 5 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 24 153
 5 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0 14 153
 7 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2 13 152
 7 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5  9 152
 9 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7 19 151
10 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      54.7 19 145

Week 16 Shivam Shoots Himself in the Sneakers

The Fall of the Sneakers

Remember Shivam Mehta? Top of the league and all lah-di-dah at the start of the season? The swaggering Fancy Dan giving it all that early on?

Yes.  Of course you do.

Well his Shivam's Sneakers are the farthest fallers as they plummet down six places into fourteenth.  Mid-table mediocrity.

As promised.

Manager of the Week is Edgar Rayner with his Moreton United scoring 21pts propelling themselves into tenth.

There's a change at the top too.  Sheep City have been replaced by Norma Snockers FC at the top while ADFC continue their march up to second.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       53.8 16 153

 2 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.0 18 146

 3 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5  5 143

 4 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1 12 140

 5 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2  9 139

 5 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0 17 139

 7 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.8 16 136

 8 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.2  9 132

 8 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7 11 132

10 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2 21 131

Week 15: Minty's Wins weekly Certificate

Manager of the Week is the gorgeously wonderful Minty Colquhoun. Her 19 points propel Upmintster United mintsterUp seven places, from eleventh to fourth. The certificate is yours, Ms Colquhoun.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5  3 138
 2 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       53.8  3 137
 3 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2 16 130
 4 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.0  6 128
 4 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1 19 128
 6 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 11 126
 7 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.2 12 123
 8 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9  4 122
 8 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0  4 122
10 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7 13 121

Week 13: Martyn's Just Trumped

Adriana is flying high

We have a new leader.  Let me take you to him...

Martyn Field, Sheep City manager, has triumphantly trumped last fortnight's personal achievement of progressing back to work after serious illness by reaching the top of the Office Fantasy Football League table.  He finally looks down at Sarah Bingham's Norma Snockers...

...this stuff writes itself, I tell you.

And another shared Manager of the Week certificate gets torn in two between Minty Colquhoun and yes, for the third week out of four, Adriana Chittelbummer.  Their Upmintster Utd and ADFC, respectively, both score 23 points each.  Ms Chittelchittelbangbang's ADFC are now flying high in third [finger in the ear, microphone pressed up under the nose...] "Remarkable!".

What else have we got for you? ...Highest Climbers: Upmintster Utd [up 9], Lowest Fallers: RS T-Boy [down 6].

Oi vey.  We see Mark Weavers' ball has popped just as his wife is about to do the same. -8. That's an unbelievably bad score. Pathetic. Athletic.  Good Luck.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5 10 135
 2 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       53.8  2 134
 3 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.0 23 122
 4 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9  7 118
 4 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0 14 118
 6 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.7 17 116
 7 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 -1 115
 8 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2  7 114
 9 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0  8 113
10 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.2  2 111

Week 12: A Massive Ten Places

No internet in Australia

Manager of the Week, Adriana Chittelborough, scored a 'normous 23 points.  Not ony is the week's point tally 'normous but her team's league position-jump is also 'normous.  Chuffin' 'normous to be more specific. And to be even more specific... ADFC climb up a massive ten places in the league.

Foof.

Ms Chittelwhatsit was unable to comment from her holiday home in Australia.  Only because they don't have internet down under yet.

Nick Reed, on the other hand, takes his torn half of the Manager of the Week certificate much less dramatically as Stay Poyet Stay! joins Adriana Chittelthingy's ADFC on 23 points.

'Spect.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       53.8 13 132

 2 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5  6 125

 3 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 12 116

 4 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9  2 111

 5 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.2 23 109

 6 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2 21 107

 7 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 15 105

 8 Moobchester United     Jon King            54.2  5 104

 8 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0 15 104

10 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7 19 103

Week 11: Good Sheep, Bad Schandau

While out on a scouting mission for German talent, Our Chairman did find himself having a steamy session with a naked Dresden girl.  The naked local, who was also sitting next to her hunked-up boyfriend in the Steam Room at Bad Schandau quickly and coolly left without so much as raising an eyebrow of complaint at the awkward British repression on show. And talking of British Repression, Sheep City's Martyn Field [cough, choke] has decided to score enough points to push his team on to the top spot with Ms Bingham.

Manager of the Week with a team's score of 13 points is Alun Edwards of Radnorshire Tigers.

Everybody stare at Mike Smears... minus five.  Tut tut.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       53.8  7 119
 1 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5  8 119
 3 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9 10 109
 4 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 11 104
 5 Moobchester United     Jon King            54.2  7  99
 6 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             55.0  2  95
 7 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 -3  90
 8 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0  4  89
 9 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.2  9  86
 9 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2  3  86
 9 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2  5  86

Week 09 & 10: Torn to Shreds

Defence not doing its job

Promising defensive reputations were torn to shreds this week as too many managers, optimistically scanning up and down their respective team sheets, see players register minus points.

For example, Alex Blundell's Moanchester gives their manager something to, well, moan about by giving away 7 whole points, pulling themselves to the bottom of the pile.  All Hail The Chairman's Rob Ivison isn't feeling too cocky either as his sycophantically named team fall to joint tenth by losing 5 points.

In more encouraging news however, an amazing score of 20 points for ADFC helps Adriana Chittelborough to her first ever Manager of the Week certificate. Studmarks has been reassured that the much coveted and highly fictional certificate will hang invisibly on her parlour wall.

[Adopts cockney accent/gait...]

...Be lucky

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       53.8  1 112

 2 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5  7 111

 3 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9  2  99

 4 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 -2  93

 4 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0  2  93

 4 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             55.0  5  93

 7 Moobchester United     Jon King            54.2 -1  92

 8 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0  8  85

 9 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2 -1  83

10 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          53.6 -5  81

10 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2  2  81

Week 8: Abominable

Norma Snockers HQ

Norma Snockers are still on top, resting on the shoulders of Sheep City who bleating away in second.  They are the first teams past the 100 point mark this season with the chasing pack not far behind.

What's that Shivam's Sneakers?  Only 6 points this week?  Yeah.  Only 6.

Only 6.

Manager of the Week is our foppishly fluffy feline friend, and current OFFL Champion, Lionel Larking.  He paw-swiped his team to a week's bowlful of 26 points and continues to mount his defence of the title.  Which has never been successfully defended in 15 years by the way.

Everyone stare at Minty Colquhoun, Adriana Chittelborough, Alun Edwards and Gavin Ward as they fall past you.  All plummet six places in the table. The Plummeting Humpty Numpties.

---
And finally, we remember James Wyse, Manager of Didcot Academicals in 2000/2001 season, who died last month.  He was telling his usual terrible jokes to the very end.  Like this one...

What do you call a male cattle that's just swallowed some semtex?

A bomb in a bull.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       53.8 12 111
 2 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0 16 104
 3 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9  6  97
 4 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 13  95
 5 Moobchester United     Jon King            54.2 10  93
 6 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 11  91
 7 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             55.0 18  88
 8 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          51.7 16  86
 9 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2 20  84
10 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2 11  79

Week 5, 6 & 7: The Circle of Life

And reminding us of the circle of life...
Large congratulations to Rick 'RS T-Baby' Beecroft who has managed to sire a daughter.  Her middle name is not, more's the pity, 'Necessary On Bicycle?'.  Welcome Isabel to Lord Beeky's world.

Is it though?

You'll get used to it eventually.

Rising highest, up nine, is Jirka 'Call Me George' Opatrny's Chi'Knees Czechers while falling furthest, eleven places to be exact, is Minty's Upmintster United.

Manager of the 'Week' is Sarah Bingham who managed to steer her Norma Snockers to a wobblingly large total of 58 points.  This does, actually, lift and seperate her to the top of the table, knocking Mr Mehta of his *ing perch.

Not quite sure what a *ing perch is exactly but there we go...

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       53.8 58  99

 2 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9 28  91

 3 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0 45  88

 4 Moobchester United     Jon King            54.2 41  83

 5 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 30  82

 6 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 48  80

 7 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          51.7 38  70

 7 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             55.0 21  70

 9 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        55.0 40  69

10 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2 41  68

11 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.7 29  65

12 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.1 29  64

12 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2 35  64

12 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0 39  64

15 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7 23  63

16 The WWMC               Steve Tierney       54.2 18  59

16 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        55.0 34  59

18 Real McDrid            Craig McHugh        55.0 33  58

19 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5 33  57

20 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7 19  52

20 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.8 19  52

22 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      55.0 21  51

23 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.8 26  46

24 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1 13  45

25 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.9 33  44

26 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9 23  42

26 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0 30  42

28 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.4 27  40

29 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9 19  38

30 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0 16  37

31 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.8 27  36

32 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5  6  29

33 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.5 19  19

34 Moanchester            Alex Blundell       54.8 31  15

34 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0 15  15

                          Week's Average Points        28

                          Total Average Points         55

Week 4: Tumbleweed

You get weeks like this every once in a while.  Nothing scored by anyone.  Not a thing.

What's different about this week, however, is the number of real life transfers and player loans in the real Premiership world of reality.  No, really.  There were loads of them.  Might be worth checking out the Players List if you're getting twitchy about your current line up.  @RobIvison?

Forget ye not, any player already registered as playing for a club at the beginning of the season must stay allocated to that Premiership team.  Nasri, for example: he'll be listed as an Arsenal player all season.  Despite the fact that he'll be scoring hatfulls of goals for Manchester City.

Imagine the administrative nightmare were it not this way.  Hmm.  Well?

[Musical Interlude while imaginations start clunking into action]

[Sound of panting and wheezing drowns out Interlude Music]

Anyway, this may alter your tactics.  You can now enjoy a midfield of Silva MC, Barry MC and Nasri ARS.  All of them actually playing for Manchester City.

In the meantime, instead of befuzzling our older managers, like Mr Mike Smears for example, what we could do is have a pointless perusal at how popular your purchased platoon of players are...


Player Popularity
PIN Name       Team Freq
------------------------
383   Nani      MU   14
520 W Rooney    MU   12
120 J Hart      MC   11
164 L Baines    EVE  11
509 L Suarez    LIV  10
161 A Cole      CHE   9
239 B Hangeland FUL   8
363 D Kuyt      LIV   8
237 P Jagielka  EVE   8
487 D Bent      AV    7
247 V Kompany   MC    7
357 C Adam      LIV   7
337 F Malouda   CHE   7
.
.

This leads us to wonder which team is the most 'popular' team in our league. 

Ug?

Yes, which manager has picked the prevalently popular players?

We can work this out by giving every player a score according to how many times they appear in the League's teams.  In other words, Nani gets a weighting of 14, Rooney 12, Hart 11, Baines 11 etc etc [see above table].  We then look at each team and add up the weightings for their players.

You know it makes sense...

Teams with the Most Popular Players Table

-----------------------------------------

                                            Value PointsPopular

#  Team                  Manager            (GBPm)  Tot Rating

--------------------------------------------------------------

 2 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John    54.60  52   93

 6 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham      54.60  41   86

30 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox        55.00  12   80

17 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby     55.00  29   79

 1 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta       54.90  63   78

 9 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft      54.70  36   78

20 Real McDrid            Craig McHugh       55.00  25   77

 3 Inter Milandrover      Smasher            55.00  49   76

19 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner       54.20  27   76

26 Double's United        Rachel Jones       54.80  20   75

27 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood       54.90  19   75

11 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský    54.80  33   74

20 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes         55.00  25   73

 8 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt      54.70  40   72

20 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton       55.00  25   71

 4 Sheep City             Martyn Field       55.00  43   70

33 Irishpool              Mike Smears        54.50   0   70

 6 The WWMC               Steve Tierney      54.20  41   68

10 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed          52.10  35   67

13 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun    54.10  32   63

13 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison         51.70  32   63

13 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny      55.00  32   63

17 Poyekhali              Lester Clark       55.00  29   63

27 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh        54.90  19   63

11 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers       53.70  33   60

33 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking     55.00   0   60

 5 Moobchester United     Jon King           54.20  42   59

32 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler      54.80   9   58

16 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy     55.00  30   56

29 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards       54.40  13   53

23 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge    49.50  24   51

31 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro54.90  11   51

25 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns          55.00  21   39

24 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward         54.50  23   38

I don't quite know what we can conclude from that but we can claim that Johnny's Heroes is the most popular team.  Congratulations?  And Wardy's Wanderers is the most unique.  Congratulations also?  

I think.  

You make up your own mind.

Time to go.

By order of the omnipotent @OFFLChairman, the @OFFL is suspended for the next two full weeks.  @Studmarks will be back and posting after the 23rd September.

You bunch of right little smashers.

Week 3: Sweet FA

Shivam can't believe his luck.

This week's Highest Climbers, Phillham, jumped a massive fifteen places in order to leapfrog Czech rivals Chi'Knees Czechers.  Managers Filip and Jirka will be providing the Eastern European challenge this year and, in between shifts working at the local tavern and hacking back the weeds on Our Chairman's estate, we can confirm that these staff are made of stiff stuff.

Manager of the Week this week is, once more, Shivam Mehta.

Indeed, despite knowing Sweet Football Association about the game, Shivam's Sneakers net a week's total of 39 points thus enhancing their promising opening few weeks of this season's OFFL.  And making them the most hated team in the League.

Down thirteen places is Neil Jukes' Decimated Left Peg and look at that!  Everyone look at Russia-bound Ashley Keeler. 1 point.

*Sniggerovski*

NB:
Due to Umpa Lumpa Trade Union negotiations, followed by a scouting trip to Africa, the OFFL will be suspended from 8th September to 22nd September.  The @OFFLChairman thanks you for your patience.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9 39  63

 2 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 30  52

 3 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             55.0 29  49

 4 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0 25  43

 5 Moobchester United     Jon King            54.2 19  42

 6 The WWMC               Steve Tierney       54.5 23  41

 6 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.6 26  41

 8 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7 21  40

 9 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.7 15  36

10 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.1 25  35

11 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7 27  33

11 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.8 28  33

13 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1 14  32

13 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          54.5 17  32

13 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 16  32

16 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      55.0 15  30

17 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        55.0 17  29

17 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      55.0 11  29

19 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2 14  27

20 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        55.0 16  25

20 Real McDrid            Craig McHugh        55.0 11  25

20 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0  6  25

23 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5 13  24

24 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5  7  23

25 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0 18  21

26 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.7 10  20

27 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9 10  19

27 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9  9  19

29 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.4 11  13

30 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0  6  12

31 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.9  6  11

32 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.2  1   9

                          Week's Average Points        16

                          Total Average Points         30

---

Week 2:

Manager of the Week Certificate gets torn in half to be Johnnily shared equally with Jon King and Sarah-Jane John.  Moobchester Utd and Johnny's Heroes notched up an Aguero/Dzeko inspired 13 points each.

Farthest faller is Nick Reed whose Stay Poyet Stay! failed to stay anywhere near their first week's placing of seventh by plummetting, with his best Wilhelm Scream, thirteen places.

Everybody look at Nick 'Wilhelm Scream' Reed.  Look at him!




T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9  6  24
 2 Moobchester United     Jon King            54.2 13  23
 3 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 13  22
 4 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.7 12  21
 5 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             55.0  4  20
 6 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7  8  19
 6 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0 10  19
 8 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1 11  18
 8 Wymondham Working Man'sSteve Tierney       54.5  4  18
 8 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0 12  18
 8 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      55.0 12  18
12 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5 10  16
12 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 10  16
14 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          54.5 12  15
14 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.6  4  15
14 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      55.0 10  15
17 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2  5  13
18 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        55.0  6  12
19 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5 11  11
20 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.1  1  10
20 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.7  5  10
20 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9  7  10
23 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9  9   9
23 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        55.0  6   9
25 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.2  8   8
26 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7  6   6
26 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0  1   6
28 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.8  5   5
28 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.9  5   5
30 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0  3   3
31 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.4 -1   2




                          Week's Average Points         7
                          Total Average Points         13
---

Week 1: A New Season Is Born

The New Season can literally be seen here, being born.

Welcome.  Welcome.  Welcome.

We'll keep this first one short shall we?  Considering we've a couple of weeks to catch up on.

So let's explain a few things...

The rules?  They can be found behind the link on the right under the word "rules".  But the first and ONLY rule you truly need to remember is that 'The Chairman is Always Right'.  Always.  Even when he's wrong.  Though he'll never be wrong.  So there.

No more questions.

As we continue the quest to inject a litte romance into the cup, the current OFFL Cup Champions' Manager, Craig McHugh, has kindly donated this season's OFFL Cup prizes - more of that later.

In the meantime, Manager of the Week is the unashamedly totally-ignorant-of-all-things 'football', Shivam Mehta.  Seriously.  He wanted to pick David Beckham.  He knows absolutely nothing.

And as much of a cruel and insane injustice as this week's League Table therefore appears, the Office Fantasy Football League Championship is a marathon, not a sprint.  So, don't rush those transfers [Mr Ivison?].  You only have twelve to last you the entire season.  Bide your time, wait till you see things a little more clearly and, sure enough, you'll be recklessly elbowing Mr Mehta out of your way in no time at all.

Seriously though and that innit and ting, Congratulations Shivam.  Enjoy it while you can.  As Yazz and her Plastic Population decided not to sing at the tail end of the 80s: the only way is down. Something Unpmintster United's manager will cringingly endorse from last year's performance [Chairman leans into view at the back, puts his swanny whistle to his lips and slides from high note to low note].

A BIT OF HOUSEKEEPING
The weekly email update, Studmarks, should be read in a proportional font [like Courier New 10 for example] so that the league table lines up all nice 'n' purdy.

Studmarks will usually consist of the following...

1. The League Table - useful for you to find out how poorly your team is doing against everyone else
2. A pointless bit of banterous drivel [if you're unlucky] that can easily be skipped past
3. Transfers and Stuff - useful if you want to see how the other managers are scuppering their chances
4. The Teams - useful to know if you want to see which of your defenders is on -17 and which of your strikers has failed to get off the mark
5. The Rules - useful, useful
6. The Players List - useful to see which players you should transfer into your team [just before they get injured for six months]
7. Who the hell does Shivam Mehta think he is?!  Coming over to our league and taking all our top spots?

Overall and just like the manager of Vonder Bramen, it's all exasperatingly simple.

No, really it is.

If Francis 'Senior Moment' Fox can do it, so can you.

I shall leave you all with our motto.  Useful as a calming mantra when things go distressingly awry with your team's performances....

  "It's a marathon, not a sprint"

Editor of Studmarks
On behalf of The Chairman

PS
If you're receiving this email by mistake then let the helpdesk at Studmarks HQ know [Studmarks@gmail.com].  So we can laugh in your face and make you pick a team to join us.

Follow us at The Back of the 'Net here: http://offl.littlesmasher.com
Follow the Official OFFL twitter feed:  http://twitter.com/OFFL
Comment away on the OFFL Facebook Page: http://j.mp/FB-OFFL


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9 18  18
 2 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             55.0 16  16
 3 Wymondham Working Man'sSteve Tierney       54.5 14  14
 4 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.6 11  11
 4 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7 11  11
 6 Moobchester United     Jon King            54.2 10  10
 7 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.1  9   9
 7 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6  9   9
 7 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.7  9   9
 7 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0  9   9
11 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2  8   8
12 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1  7   7
13 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        49.3  6   6
13 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5  6   6
13 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0  6   6
13 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0  6   6
13 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      55.0  6   6
18 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.7  5   5
18 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      55.0  5   5
18 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0  5   5
21 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.4  3   3
21 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          54.5  3   3
21 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9  3   3
21 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        55.0  3   3
25 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5 18   0
25 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7  9   0
25 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.2  0   0
25 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.8 11   0
25 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9  8   0
25 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.9  6   0
25 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0  9   0




                          Week's Average Points         8
                          Total Average Points          6
---

Week 41: Another season passes into history

The 2010/2011 OFF Champions: Pompey Puss

The OFFL Champions 2010/2011
Pompey Puss
Lionel Larking with 422 pts


The OFFL Cup Final 2011

Real McDrid  9 v 5  Sheep City
Craig McHugh        Martyn field


Weeping in his hospital bed, desperately trying to get the use of his legs back, is Sheep City's most revered citizen - Martyn Field.  It's unlikely that this abrupt and unsatisfying end to his season will make much of a splash in his rather readable blog about his attempt to recover from POEMS syndrome [http://martynsthoughtsonitall.blogspot.com] - A cold stark reminder, I'm sure you'll agree, that we should all keep things in perspective: I mean, who needs a white blood cell count anyway when there's the glory of OFFL to pursue?


Craig McHugh's victory-cum-gloat parade will take place outside his chip shop in Surbiton in his open-topped Citroen CV [well, the roof will be rolled back at the very least].

Craig wins the glorious statuette of Fabio Capello circa 2010.  Like Colleen McLoughlin, Martyn consoles himself with the highly paid Wayne Rooney.

Meanwhile, Neil McConaghy attempts to draw the fire from the fact that his BM Mingmongs failed to come anywhere near their season of 2007/2008 by playing the 'Doing Something For Charity Card' [see below].  Yeah, yeah.

Sheep and the City:  Martyn's getting better.

But look.  Over there, on a hot tin roof.  A feline silhouette bouncing up and down with the gleeful chaotic spasms of a Jedward Eurovision performance.  Lionel Larking, forgetting his limping left leg and who only joined the competition to 'make up the numbers', is completely cat-a-hoop.  He has finally added the Office Fantasy Football League Championship Title to the OFFL Cup that he won last year.  And by a mere 5 points from Guy Harewood's Woolyback Town AFC too, who, in turn, can at least look back on the success of 2005/2006 for comfort when they too once lifted the trophy.

Alex Blundell is our final Manager of the Week as his team of no-hopers, Moanchester Utd, nipped in with 21 points lifting themselves two positions and cementing a final fifteenth place.  Yawn.

Malcolm Pratt's Fat Malcademicals completed their Arsenal parody by falling to fourth in the table after being unable to keep in touch with the leaders.  He will have to address the blunt 'Fancy Dan' play and the 'La-di-dah' passing game that leads his players to try walking the ball balletically into the net all the time.  A team whose performances are very much in their manager's own style.

Just One Finger Albion finished off the season with the traditional negative score while West Vam spluttered across the 200 point mark to claim the wooden spoon.  Meanwhile, Moobchester United managed to rise above the 'Total & Complete Dross' by finishing twenty-sixth as Bielby's Livercoolio reached for the line to finish third.  Congratulations to all on yet another fine season without fines.  [Mmm, the Chairman really must do something about that].

And talking of the Chairman, he's standing unopposed for re-election amid the usual allegations of impropriety.  Don't worry, you don't have to do nor understand anything.  Just turn up again next season and tell him how wonderful he his.  Next Year's OFFL Cup, for instance, will be hosted by Rob Ivison's 'All Hail The Chairman'.  Can't think why.

So, assuming the Chairman manages his annual pre-season escape from the clinic, we'll see you in August.

Have a happy Summer.

You're all rather wonderful.

The Studmarks Team
OFFL HQ
T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0  8 422
 2 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9  5 417
 3 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.9 14 414
 4 Fat Mal's MalcademicalsMalcolm Pratt       52.8  7 409
 4 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           53.0 15 409
 6 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      52.4  6 393
 7 Budleigh Salterton FC  Ashley Keeler       54.6  3 383
 8 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        53.3 14 381
 9 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7 11 375
10 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         54.9 18 356
11 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.6 10 350
12 Marmaduke's Army       Edgar Rayner        54.9 10 344
13 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0  5 340
14 Salad Dodgers          Sarah Bingham       53.5  6 336
15 Moanchester Utd        Alex Blundell       55.0 21 334
16 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        53.1  9 322
17 Dube Stars FC          Khumbula Dube       54.1 15 319
18 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.9  5 318
19 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          52.2  6 314
20 Irishpool              Mike Smears         52.3  4 305
20 Wymondham Wanderers    Steve Tierney       52.7  5 305
22 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         53.5  1 294
23 Nuttingham Florist     Andy Straw          52.2  2 283
24 Menarepigs3            Kate Wilson         54.2  1 266
25 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        52.9  1 261
26 Moobchester United     Jonathan King       54.9 12 244
27 Just One Finger Albion Paddy Mirams        54.2 -2 236
28 Double's Utd           Rachel Jones        54.4  1 225
29 Mintal Disorder        Minty Colquhoun     52.7  9 214
30 West Vam               Tom Vamos           54.8 14 202




                          Week's Average Points         7
                          Total Average Points        325