 | |
|
We'll keep this first one short shall we? Considering we've a couple of weeks to catch up on.
So let's explain a few things...
The rules? They can be found behind the link on the right under the word "rules". But the first and ONLY rule you truly need to remember is that 'The Chairman is Always Right'. Always. Even when he's wrong. Though he'll never be wrong. So there.
No more questions.
As we continue the quest to inject a litte romance into the cup, the current OFFL Cup Champions' Manager, Craig McHugh, has kindly donated this season's OFFL Cup prizes - more of that later.
In the meantime, Manager of the Week is the unashamedly totally-ignorant-of-all-things 'football', Shivam Mehta. Seriously. He wanted to pick David Beckham. He knows absolutely nothing.
And as much of a cruel and insane injustice as this week's League Table therefore appears, the Office Fantasy Football League Championship is a marathon, not a sprint. So, don't rush those transfers [Mr Ivison?]. You only have twelve to last you the entire season. Bide your time, wait till you see things a little more clearly and, sure enough, you'll be recklessly elbowing Mr Mehta out of your way in no time at all.
Seriously though and that innit and ting, Congratulations Shivam. Enjoy it while you can. As Yazz and her Plastic Population decided not to sing at the tail end of the 80s: the only way is down. Something Unpmintster United's manager will cringingly endorse from last year's performance [Chairman leans into view at the back, puts his swanny whistle to his lips and slides from high note to low note].
A BIT OF HOUSEKEEPING
The weekly email update, Studmarks, should be read in a proportional font [like Courier New 10 for example] so that the league table lines up all nice 'n' purdy.
Studmarks will usually consist of the following...
1. The League Table - useful for you to find out how poorly your team is doing against everyone else
2. A pointless bit of banterous drivel [if you're unlucky] that can easily be skipped past
3. Transfers and Stuff - useful if you want to see how the other managers are scuppering their chances
4. The Teams - useful to know if you want to see which of your defenders is on -17 and which of your strikers has failed to get off the mark
5. The Rules - useful, useful
6. The Players List - useful to see which players you should transfer into your team [just before they get injured for six months]
7. Who the hell does Shivam Mehta think he is?! Coming over to our league and taking all our top spots?
Overall and just like the manager of Vonder Bramen, it's all exasperatingly simple.
No, really it is.
If Francis 'Senior Moment' Fox can do it, so can you.
I shall leave you all with our motto. Useful as a calming mantra when things go distressingly awry with your team's performances....
"It's a marathon, not a sprint"
Editor of Studmarks
On behalf of The Chairman
PS
If you're receiving this email by mistake then let the helpdesk at Studmarks HQ know [Studmarks@gmail.com]. So we can laugh in your face and make you pick a team to join us.
Follow us at The Back of the 'Net here: http://offl.littlesmasher.com
Follow the Official OFFL twitter feed: http://twitter.com/OFFL
Comment away on the OFFL Facebook Page: http://j.mp/FB-OFFL
T h e T a b l e
Value Points
Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot
--------------------------------------------------------
1 Shivam's Sneakers Shivam Mehta 54.9 18 18
2 Inter Milandrover Smasher 55.0 16 16
3 Wymondham Working Man'sSteve Tierney 54.5 14 14
4 Norma Snockers FC Sarah Bingham 54.6 11 11
4 Big Mally Malcolm Pratt 54.7 11 11
6 Moobchester United Jon King 54.2 10 10
7 Stay Poyet Stay! Nick Reed 52.1 9 9
7 Johnny's Heroes Sarah-Jane John 54.6 9 9
7 RS T-Boy Rick Beecroft 54.7 9 9
7 Decimated Left Peg Neil Jukes 55.0 9 9
11 Moreton United Edgar Rayner 54.2 8 8
12 Upmintster United Minty Colquhoun 54.1 7 7
13 Poyekhali Lester Clark 49.3 6 6
13 Wardy's Wanderers Gavin Ward 54.5 6 6
13 Chi'Knees Czechers Jirka Opatrny 55.0 6 6
13 Sheep City Martyn Field 55.0 6 6
13 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 55.0 6 6
18 Double's United Rachel Jones 54.7 5 5
18 BM Mingmongs Neil McConaghy 55.0 5 5
18 Freddie's Dreamers Francis Fox 55.0 5 5
21 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 54.4 3 3
21 All Hail The Chairman Rob Ivison 54.5 3 3
21 Woolyback Town AFC Guy Harewood 54.9 3 3
21 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton 55.0 3 3
25 Vonder Bramen Alan Betteridge 49.5 18 0
25 Pathetic Athletic Mark Weavers 53.7 9 0
25 It's A Snickers Ashley Keeler 54.2 0 0
25 Phillham Filip Vejdovský 54.8 11 0
25 Lashings of Cheese Chris Walsh 54.9 8 0
25 ADFC Adriana Chittelboro 54.9 6 0
25 Real Mannsdid Dan Manns 55.0 9 0
Week's Average Points 8
Total Average Points 6
---
No comments:
Post a Comment