Week 3: Sweet FA

Shivam can't believe his luck.

This week's Highest Climbers, Phillham, jumped a massive fifteen places in order to leapfrog Czech rivals Chi'Knees Czechers.  Managers Filip and Jirka will be providing the Eastern European challenge this year and, in between shifts working at the local tavern and hacking back the weeds on Our Chairman's estate, we can confirm that these staff are made of stiff stuff.

Manager of the Week this week is, once more, Shivam Mehta.

Indeed, despite knowing Sweet Football Association about the game, Shivam's Sneakers net a week's total of 39 points thus enhancing their promising opening few weeks of this season's OFFL.  And making them the most hated team in the League.

Down thirteen places is Neil Jukes' Decimated Left Peg and look at that!  Everyone look at Russia-bound Ashley Keeler. 1 point.

*Sniggerovski*

NB:
Due to Umpa Lumpa Trade Union negotiations, followed by a scouting trip to Africa, the OFFL will be suspended from 8th September to 22nd September.  The @OFFLChairman thanks you for your patience.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9 39  63

 2 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 30  52

 3 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             55.0 29  49

 4 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0 25  43

 5 Moobchester United     Jon King            54.2 19  42

 6 The WWMC               Steve Tierney       54.5 23  41

 6 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.6 26  41

 8 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7 21  40

 9 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.7 15  36

10 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.1 25  35

11 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7 27  33

11 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.8 28  33

13 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1 14  32

13 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          54.5 17  32

13 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 16  32

16 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      55.0 15  30

17 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        55.0 17  29

17 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      55.0 11  29

19 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2 14  27

20 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        55.0 16  25

20 Real McDrid            Craig McHugh        55.0 11  25

20 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0  6  25

23 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5 13  24

24 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5  7  23

25 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0 18  21

26 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.7 10  20

27 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9 10  19

27 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9  9  19

29 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.4 11  13

30 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0  6  12

31 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.9  6  11

32 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.2  1   9

                          Week's Average Points        16

                          Total Average Points         30

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Week 2:

Manager of the Week Certificate gets torn in half to be Johnnily shared equally with Jon King and Sarah-Jane John.  Moobchester Utd and Johnny's Heroes notched up an Aguero/Dzeko inspired 13 points each.

Farthest faller is Nick Reed whose Stay Poyet Stay! failed to stay anywhere near their first week's placing of seventh by plummetting, with his best Wilhelm Scream, thirteen places.

Everybody look at Nick 'Wilhelm Scream' Reed.  Look at him!




T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9  6  24
 2 Moobchester United     Jon King            54.2 13  23
 3 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 13  22
 4 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.7 12  21
 5 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             55.0  4  20
 6 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7  8  19
 6 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0 10  19
 8 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1 11  18
 8 Wymondham Working Man'sSteve Tierney       54.5  4  18
 8 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0 12  18
 8 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      55.0 12  18
12 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5 10  16
12 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 10  16
14 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          54.5 12  15
14 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.6  4  15
14 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      55.0 10  15
17 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2  5  13
18 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        55.0  6  12
19 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5 11  11
20 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.1  1  10
20 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.7  5  10
20 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9  7  10
23 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9  9   9
23 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        55.0  6   9
25 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.2  8   8
26 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7  6   6
26 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0  1   6
28 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.8  5   5
28 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.9  5   5
30 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0  3   3
31 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.4 -1   2




                          Week's Average Points         7
                          Total Average Points         13
---

Week 1: A New Season Is Born

The New Season can literally be seen here, being born.

Welcome.  Welcome.  Welcome.

We'll keep this first one short shall we?  Considering we've a couple of weeks to catch up on.

So let's explain a few things...

The rules?  They can be found behind the link on the right under the word "rules".  But the first and ONLY rule you truly need to remember is that 'The Chairman is Always Right'.  Always.  Even when he's wrong.  Though he'll never be wrong.  So there.

No more questions.

As we continue the quest to inject a litte romance into the cup, the current OFFL Cup Champions' Manager, Craig McHugh, has kindly donated this season's OFFL Cup prizes - more of that later.

In the meantime, Manager of the Week is the unashamedly totally-ignorant-of-all-things 'football', Shivam Mehta.  Seriously.  He wanted to pick David Beckham.  He knows absolutely nothing.

And as much of a cruel and insane injustice as this week's League Table therefore appears, the Office Fantasy Football League Championship is a marathon, not a sprint.  So, don't rush those transfers [Mr Ivison?].  You only have twelve to last you the entire season.  Bide your time, wait till you see things a little more clearly and, sure enough, you'll be recklessly elbowing Mr Mehta out of your way in no time at all.

Seriously though and that innit and ting, Congratulations Shivam.  Enjoy it while you can.  As Yazz and her Plastic Population decided not to sing at the tail end of the 80s: the only way is down. Something Unpmintster United's manager will cringingly endorse from last year's performance [Chairman leans into view at the back, puts his swanny whistle to his lips and slides from high note to low note].

A BIT OF HOUSEKEEPING
The weekly email update, Studmarks, should be read in a proportional font [like Courier New 10 for example] so that the league table lines up all nice 'n' purdy.

Studmarks will usually consist of the following...

1. The League Table - useful for you to find out how poorly your team is doing against everyone else
2. A pointless bit of banterous drivel [if you're unlucky] that can easily be skipped past
3. Transfers and Stuff - useful if you want to see how the other managers are scuppering their chances
4. The Teams - useful to know if you want to see which of your defenders is on -17 and which of your strikers has failed to get off the mark
5. The Rules - useful, useful
6. The Players List - useful to see which players you should transfer into your team [just before they get injured for six months]
7. Who the hell does Shivam Mehta think he is?!  Coming over to our league and taking all our top spots?

Overall and just like the manager of Vonder Bramen, it's all exasperatingly simple.

No, really it is.

If Francis 'Senior Moment' Fox can do it, so can you.

I shall leave you all with our motto.  Useful as a calming mantra when things go distressingly awry with your team's performances....

  "It's a marathon, not a sprint"

Editor of Studmarks
On behalf of The Chairman

PS
If you're receiving this email by mistake then let the helpdesk at Studmarks HQ know [Studmarks@gmail.com].  So we can laugh in your face and make you pick a team to join us.

Follow us at The Back of the 'Net here: http://offl.littlesmasher.com
Follow the Official OFFL twitter feed:  http://twitter.com/OFFL
Comment away on the OFFL Facebook Page: http://j.mp/FB-OFFL


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9 18  18
 2 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             55.0 16  16
 3 Wymondham Working Man'sSteve Tierney       54.5 14  14
 4 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.6 11  11
 4 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7 11  11
 6 Moobchester United     Jon King            54.2 10  10
 7 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.1  9   9
 7 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6  9   9
 7 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.7  9   9
 7 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0  9   9
11 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2  8   8
12 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1  7   7
13 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        49.3  6   6
13 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5  6   6
13 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0  6   6
13 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0  6   6
13 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      55.0  6   6
18 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.7  5   5
18 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      55.0  5   5
18 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0  5   5
21 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.4  3   3
21 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          54.5  3   3
21 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9  3   3
21 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        55.0  3   3
25 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5 18   0
25 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7  9   0
25 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.2  0   0
25 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.8 11   0
25 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9  8   0
25 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.9  6   0
25 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0  9   0




                          Week's Average Points         8
                          Total Average Points          6
---