Week 30: Gavin a Laugh

Seb's Blattered again

Seb Blattered Cod nudge themselves into the top ten this week AND earn a Manager of the Week certificate for their current boss Gavin Ward.  A modest week's netting of 10 points is what done it like and that, innit.  Closest rival to the certificate is Russell Bielby whose Livercoolio popped up into second - that's 36 points behind the Minioned One who, by the way, is getting cockier by the minty-minute...


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Conversely, someone who is becoming dickier by the minute is Ashley Keeler - so much so that last-placed Karyn Meaden's Bad Wolf United actually gained 4 points worth of ground on Keeler's It's A Snickers FC simply by scoring nothing. Not scoring. Zeroing.  Nothing.

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OFFL Cup
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Currently being fought are the following fixtures.  Up for grabs is the Louis Van Goooaal Biography.

ROUND TWO, Wk31

      The Flying Geese  v Radnorshire Tigers
     Inter Milandrover  v Livercoolio
    Moobchester United  v Ali McMoist
          Oak Hamsters  v Guess Hughton
               RS-TBOY  v Seb Blattered Cod
        Moreton Rovers  v Moanchester United
              Pyeators  v Neil's Diamonds
            Which Team  v Old Malcolm Academicals

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 50.6  0 313
 2 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  53.1  8 277
 3 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9 -2 277
 4 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    55.0  4 270
 5 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.5  3 264
 6 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    53.5  6 257
 7 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.4  4 254
 8 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   52.7  3 246
 9 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 51.1  5 238
10 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      52.0 10 238

Week 29: OFFL Cup Round Two, It's a Knockout

Get your transfers in now... it's the [INSERT FANFARE]

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OFFL Cup
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Round Two, Wk 31

  The Flying Geese v Radnorshire Tigers
 Inter Milandrover v Livercoolio
Moobchester United v Ali McMoist
      Oak Hamsters v Guess Hughton
           RS-TBOY v Seb Blattered Cod
    Moreton Rovers v Moanchester United
          Pyeators v Neil's Diamonds
        Which Team v Old Malcolm Academicals

The spoils of this marvellous and historic competition is the Louis Van Goal biography. A book without the soon-to-be-written chapter on his humiliating firing from Old Trafford. So it should be a nice read.

Nice.

You're Fired!

Free Kick Magic

Week 28: Keeler In Need

Meanwhile: Colquhoun Attempts to Sign New Goalkeeper

Manager of the Week this week is Russell Bielby as his Champions Livercoolio netted 15 points.  He's now only 44 points behind the top team and 10 points behind second place.

...which is as thrilling as it gets this week.

Might be worth having a little look at Ashley Keeler's weekly score before you leave, maybe toss a couple of quid his way for him to get a cup of tea and a warm bed for the night.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 50.6 14 313

 2 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9 14 279

 3 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  53.1 15 269

 4 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    55.0 13 266

 5 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.5 13 261

 6 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    53.5  6 251

 7 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.4  2 250

 8 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   52.7  7 243

 9 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6  6 237

10 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 51.1  5 233

11 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    48.8 12 228

12 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      52.0  4 228

13 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     52.9  9 228

14 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  53.3 13 227

15 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8 10 222

16 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3 10 217

17 Oak Hamsters               Steve Tierney   51.6  3 204

18 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     50.3  8 194

19 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.7  4 190

20 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  1 189

21 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   51.7 -2 147

22 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.1  2 135

                              Week's Average Points     7

                              Total Average Points    227

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T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f

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Minty's Minions

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   From: Minty Colquhoun

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: 

EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES

In the interests of 'fair play' I would like to transfer out my goalie for a month and exchange with Bob the Minion - image supplied.

Not only with this give the other competitors a 'level' playing field, but also make things more 'interesting' for me - which is all that matters, eh Chairman?

Make it so Number One.

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Chairman responds:

Unlike you to gloat. I like it.

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Week 27: Craig to the McRescHugh

When the creative juices begin to run a bit thin, we here at Studmarks tend to loosen our ties, put up our feet and sip loudly at a cup of locally-sourced crappuccino while listening to a soul-destroying phone-in on Radio 2.

If suicidal impulses don't develop from this point we're fairly confident we'll eventually get through it with our heads held high, our upper lip stiffened and our clothes still all on.  However, this week we were rescued from this Russian Roulette-like routine by Mr Craig McHugh.

Along with his final five transfers, Craig sent along a link to some video footage showcasing some rather marvellous football fans offering their team genuine help to score a goal.



In the meantime, the OFFL has had its season's highest weekly score.  Now only one point away from the 300 point mark, Minty's Minty's Minions have earned Minty the Manager of the Week certificate by scoring 53 points.  Yes, no sooner had Nick Reed's Guess Hughton starting hacking back her lead at the top of the table Miss Colquhoun thunders in another mammothian hit rate.

53 points,  Foof.

Oddly, with a score of 18, Craig McHugh's score is the week's lowest but thanks for the video anyway mush.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 50.6 53 299
 2 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9 33 265
 3 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  53.1 44 254
 4 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    55.0 29 253
 5 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.4 39 248
 6 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.7 23 248
 7 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    53.5 43 245
 8 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   52.7 32 236
 9 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 37 231
10 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 51.1 39 228

Week 25 & 26: It'll Never Happen?

Leicester City/Minty Colquhoun will not win the Premier League/OFFL Championship

While Jamie Vardy's goal against Liverpool is still playing in a loop within the creaking walls of a stuporously unresponsive Chairman's hollow mind we are having to knock our own noggins to negotiate the very real possibility of Leicester City being Premiership Champions.

"It'll never happen" has become "It'll never happen?"

And so we find the Office Fantasy Football League asking similar questions.  Can Minty Colquhoun win the League?  Not if Nick Reed's Guess Hughton have a say in it.  Indeed, Mr Reed has notched another mark on the Manager of the Week bedpost after scoring 21 points and slices Minty's Minions' lead down to 14 points.

"It bloody well COULD happen you know!"

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 51.5  7 246
 2 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9 21 232
 3 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.8  9 225
 4 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    55.0 11 224
 5 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  54.7  9 210
 6 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.9  5 209
 7 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   52.7  1 204
 8 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    53.5 11 202
 9 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 18 194
10 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 51.1 20 189