Week 20: Zartog Strikes Back

Manager of the Week is NOT Sarah Bielby.  That is a fact.  Read it.  Take it on board people.  It's like a new dawn or something.  A New Christmas Dawn.

No it's not.  She may not have nabbed the certificate but her Johnny's Heroes have snaffled Second place to her husband's First.  This season is turning into a Bielby rout.

Happily, though probably initiating another cantankerous rant, the Manager of the Week certificate has actually gone to Mike Smears.  His Irishpool score a massive 38 points pushing themselves into the lofty position of Fourth.

Oh Lofty, Michelle NEVER loved you.

OFFL Cup

Group Stages, So Far

Group A                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Inter Milandrover             54.2    35
  Livercoolio                   55.0    28
  It's A Snickers               54.6    19

Group B                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Blet Satters Mad Hatters      54.6    25
  Malcolmyouplaysobadly         54.8    19
  Real Mcdrid                   54.8    15

Group C                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Irishpool                     54.8    38
  A Bit Temperamintal           55.0    29
  RS-TBOY                       52.2    19

Group D                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Pyeators                      55.0    23
  Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil          50.0    21
  Which Team                    55.0    21

Group E                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Johnny's Heroes               54.0    33
  Moanchester Disunited         52.1    26
  Didcot Rovers                 55.0    10

Group F                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  The Flying Geese              54.2    30
  Neil's Diamonds               54.1    24
  Not In Your Mum's Forest      54.7    18

Group G                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Botley Yellow                 51.7    24
  Couldn't be Hyppia            54.6    24
  Awesome Athletic              50.2    13

Group H                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Radnorshire Tigers            49.7    25
  Moobchester United            51.7    23
  Pedro's Plodders              46.7     9

One more week of this left and we'll know who's in and who's out.

Pedro's probably out, let's face it.

Well that's it for 2014, now you can go back to watching Mary Poppins.  Or a repeat of the Big Bang Theory.

Or Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back.

Have a safe New Year.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      55.0 28 201
 2 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.0 33 196
 3 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 19 194
 4 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.8 38 185
 5 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 21 183
 6 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    52.2 19 176
 7 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.7 25 174
 8 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.3 35 173
 9 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 18 167
10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 25 164

Week 19: Christmas Lovin' Happened So Fast

Sarah and Russ Bloody Bielby

Wella, wella, wella, oof!

Look at that.  Big Mally's Malcolmyouplaysobadly have pinched back the number one spot from Russ Bielby.  Meanwhile, Russ's middle name of 'Bloody' has been passed across to his wife, Sarah 'Bloody' Bielby whose Johnny's Heroes has won her YET ANOTHER Manager of the Week Certificate by scoring 20 points this week.  The Heroes are up to third in the table.

The rest of the week has seen the usual ups and downs of the other managers who all merrily toast the good fortune of the Bielby's without a hint of jealousy because it is the season of good will to all men [and women] isn't it?

*Pause*

[Silence]

I said "ISN'T IT?"

*Pause*

[Reluctant murmur of concurrence]

That's more like it.

And yes, I'm particularly talking to you Stanley Wilson and Nick Reed.  And you can wipe that smug look of your face too Chris Walsh.

Happy Bloody Christmas.

And now the cup begins...

OFFL Cup

First Round

Group A                       Value
  Livercoolio                   55.0
  Inter Milandrover             54.6
  It's A Snickers               54.9

Group B
  Malcolmyouplaysobadly         54.8
  Blet Satters Mad Hatters      54.6
  Real Mcdrid                   54.8

Group C
  RS-TBOY                       55.0
  Irishpool                     54.8
  A Bit Temperamintal           55.0

Group D
  Which Team                    55.0
  Pyeators                      55.0
  Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil          50.0

Group E
  Johnny's Heroes               54.9
  Moanchester Disunited         52.1
  Didcot Rovers                 55.0

Group F
  Not In Your Mum's Forest      54.7
  The Flying Geese              54.2
  Neil's Diamonds               54.1

Group G
  Botley Yellow                 51.7
  Couldn't be Hyppia            54.6
  Awesome Athletic              50.2

Group H
  Radnorshire Tigers            52.6
  Moobchester United            51.7
  Pedro's Plodders              46.7
  

Good luck.  And Happy Christmas.  

You're all rather lovely.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 12 175
 2 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      55.0  6 173
 3 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.0 20 163
 4 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  8 162
 5 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  1 157
 6 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.7 10 149
 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  8 149
 8 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.8  3 147
 9 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       53.9 11 139
10 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 -1 138

Week 18: Fernando Who?

Rachel Jones: including herself

Yet again, laziness has proved the best form of management for one Mr Keeler.  Well, that is if his sole intent is to get Manager of the Week certificates - and we don't mean finding the bottom of one of his Reeboks inside a marquee.

[PAUSE to give the slow ones amongst you time to get to that rather feeble gag.  No?  OK, you'll probably enjoy that one on your way home tonight then]

And before the unnecessary smart Alec square bracket comments detract from the opening premise let us focus on the matter at hand.  We wouldn't want to spin off into an uncontrollable tangent now would we?

Manager of the Week.  Ashley Keeler.  25 points.  Last transfer was the removal of Fernando Torres CHE.

[Exactly... Fernando who?].

You're lazy, Mr Keeler.  LAZY.

It's A Snickers climb two places.

There.

In other notable nonsense, our Highest Climber this week is The Venerable Smears's Irishpool who leapfrog five places into Fifth.  This is all while the Lovely Rachel Jones sneakily includes herself in the top four peloton*, only 13 points behind leader Boy Bielby.

Keep enjoying the Christmas run up won't you?

* this instance of the word 'Peloton' appears courtesy of the 2012 London Olympics

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      55.0  5 167
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  9 163
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  3 156
 4 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 16 154
 5 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.8 17 144
 6 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9  7 143
 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  7 141
 8 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  7 139
 9 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6  8 139
10 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  5 134

Week 17: OFFL Cup First Round

Two examples of an inclination.

While Our Most Gracious Chairman considers another Christmas of inadequate present-giving and lonely hangovers, yet another Manager of the Week certificate flies up to Sarah Bielby.  Her Johnny's Heroes not only pooper-scooped 23 points this week but also scrambled up a steep four place gradient in the league.

Meanwhile, tumbling down that same gradient, plummeting five places - lowest faller for quite some time - is Inter Milandrover.  It's probably appropriate now to observe a minute's silence but we simply don't have the time.

Nor the inclination.

Russell Bielby increases his lead at the top of the table by 3 points.

Yes.  We HAVE all had enough of The Bielbys by now.

Not so Awesome Athletic *snigger*, 2 points.

The OFFL Cup

Group Stages, to be played over the Christmas period

Group A                       Value
  Livercoolio                   55.0
  Inter Milandrover             54.6
  It's A Snickers               54.9

Group B
  Malcolmyouplaysobadly         54.8
  Blet Satters Mad Hatters      54.6
  Real Mcdrid                   54.8

Group C
  RS-TBOY                       55.0
  Irishpool                     54.8
  A Bit Temperamintal           55.0

Group D
  Which Team                    55.0
  Pyeators                      55.0
  Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil          50.0

Group E
  Johnny's Heroes               54.9
  Moanchester Disunited         52.1
  Didcot Rovers                 55.0

Group F
  Not In Your Mum's Forest      54.7
  The Flying Geese              54.2
  Neil's Diamonds               54.1

Group G
  Botley Yellow                 51.7
  Couldn't be Hyppia            54.6
  Awesome Athletic              50.2

Group H
  Radnorshire Tigers            52.6
  Moobchester United            51.7
  Pedro's Plodders              46.7
 
Bottom placed teams get knocked out.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 21 162
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 18 154
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0 20 153
 4 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 17 138
 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 23 136
 6 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 13 134
 7 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 13 132
 8 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6 14 131
 9 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  5 129
10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 20 127

Week 16: A Bit TemperaBental

Bent: hard of hearing

Ironic that as soon as her star striker, Darren Bent, leaves the Premiership for the Championship [scoring the opener for his new team, as it happens] then the rest of her team perk up, put in a performance and pull in enough points to win a Manager of the Week Certificate for Ms Minty Colquhoun.  Yes, Minty, you ARE this week's Manager of the Week - Congratulations.  Indeed, A Bit Temperamintal snaffled 16 points from a week that saw Our Leaders take just 5.  The 'Mintals climb two places.

Now it's time to look at the newly monikered 'Team of the Month for November' table.  Astonishingly, Nick Reed's Couldn't Be Hyppia have had the best month with 49 points, begging the question "Why currently only fifteenth?".

The next month may well provide an answer.

Team of the Month for November

 Lge
 Pos Team                          £m    Nov
 -------------------------------------------
  15 Couldn't be Hyppia           54.6    49
  10 Johnny's Heroes              54.9    46
   5 Not In Your Mum's Forest     54.7    42
   7 Botley Yellow                51.7    41
   1 Livercoolio                  54.8    41
   3 RS-TBOY                      55.0    41
  22 Neil's Diamonds              54.1    40
  18 It's A Snickers              54.9    38
   2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly        54.8    37
  14 The Flying Geese             54.7    36
   6 Which Team                   55.0    36
  17 A Bit Temperamintal          55.0    36
   9 Irishpool                    54.8    34
   4 Inter Milandrover            54.6    33
   8 Radnorshire Tigers           52.6    30
  12 Blet Satters Mad Hatters     54.6    30
  13 Moanchester Disunited        52.1    28
  11 Pyeators                     55.0    25
  16 Moobchester United           51.7    19
  21 Didcot Rovers                55.0    19
  20 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil         48.9    18
  19 Real Mcdrid                  54.8    17
  23 Awesome Athletic             50.2    14
  24 Pedro's Plodders             46.7     3

...and finally

The OFFL Cup

By the end of next week your team's league position will determine which qualifying mini-group you'll be in.  Each mini-group will consist of three teams.  The team that ends up bottom of their group [using the scores taken from over the Christmas Period] will be eliminated from the competition.

Group A will be made up of the teams who rest in 1st, 9th and 17th
Group B will be made up of the teams who rest in 2nd, 10th and 18th... etc

Even Pedro's Plodders should be able to work that one out.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8  5 141

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  6 136

 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  6 133

 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  3 124

 5 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  8 121

 6 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 10 121

 7 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  8 119

 8 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6  8 117

 9 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4 12 113

10 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.7  2 113