Week 2

Manager of the Week this week is Campbell Tierney. His imaginatively titled Campbellwin notched up 12 points to follow in his father's footsteps by receiving the Manager of the Week certificate [which doesn't exist].

Let Me Be Your Fantasy

It's been a tough old year for the tough old Chairman. No sooner had the last of the morphine headaches finally died away then the OFFL crowds started relentlessly blood-baying for a new season of the legendary Office Fantasy Football League.

Tightly Pursed Lips

So, with three grapes and a disc lighter, our Chairman skips forward rabbit-punching the near distance, dodging imaginary swipes at his own ventripotent torso, hissing out the words "come on then, come on, if you think you're hard enough" through tightly pursed lips before quickly disappearing into his padded cell for a short snooze before his pre-teatime massage.

Worry not: Umpa Lumpas have been recruited, text templates have been edited, internet blogs spring-cleaned and doctors' notes filed away for potential insurance difficulties later on.

Pants Off

The marathon begins again. For it is a marathon. And not a sprint. So try not to panic your pants off when the first day of the season goes horribly, horribly wrong [ahem, Rob, cough, splutter, Ivison].

Licking

Yet another fantastic OFFL Cup Winning Prize is up for grabs in the fiercely competitive OFFL Cup competition and this year we have our own Studmarks annual entitled "Studs". Donated by the very generous Chris Tierney of Edinburgh, the hardback book is modelled and You Tubed by the hands of Chris himself. Enjoy and start licking those lips in anticipation...

The rules remain the same as last year. As does the budget. And your team can start scoring as soon as you get it in. It's as simple as that. We already have an excellent crop of teams whose managers gambled on submitting a line up before the Premiership kicked off. Some of the managers are already regretting their promptness. Already making a transfer, for example, is manager Rob Ivison. He can't stop himself from fiddling with his Charlie's Angels, which makes a change from not being able to stop himself from fiddling with his Angel's Charlies.

*B'dum tish* [a-hye thank yoo]

Anyway, there you have it. How quickly do you get your team in? Do you watch for a week or two knowing that it is a marathon and not a sprint? And then crash on in with the in-form team of the moment? It's a toughie. And a tad frustrating. A bit like that Olympic pursuit cycling when they spend half the race trying to stand still, wobbling, behind the person in front before surging ahead with a powerful finish.

It's enough to drive the Chairman back into the warm, safe, pain-ridding bosom of the buxom Mrs Morphine.

Sigh.

http://smash.loopy.co.uk/offl/content_files/SelectYourTeam.xls

Manager of the Week: Steve Tierney, Abeerden, 14 points.

It Can Get A Little Dirty

Chairman Denies New OFFL League Season Rumour

What nonsense.

http://offl.littlesmasher.com/SelectYourTeam.xls