Week 1

While the administrative machine of the OFFL gets its annual service before spluttering into action and hitting the main highways and byways of the fantasy road system, The Chairman has decided to go on a recruitment drive for more Umpa Lumpas. This time, in France.

For some unfathomable reason, ever since the new TV contracts pumped in even more money into the game it's been extremely tricky to get the level of home grown Umpa Lumpaism required for the job. Overseas Lumpas are so much cheaper. And this year, after scrutinising many an Umpa Lumpa video sent by his scout Tyte Gripp, Our Chairman is ready to interview.

And so, while we peruse and admire our early League leaders, we shall await the return of the great Chairman later this month. In the meantime, the second tranche of teams have arrived and will be scoring away with the rest of you as soon as they can.

And just to keep the apathy at bay a little bit longer there are unconfirmed rumours that a special prize is being donated to the OFFL Cup Prize fund. And we think it might be a Shoot annual.

That's it. A SHOOT annual.

Carry on.

TRICKLE OF TEAMS TURNS INTO TORRENTIAL TIDAL WAVE

Seasoned OFFLers on their holidays without internet access are ringing their hands in frustration at the thought of an OFFL season without them at the very start. Well, they would be if they'd had internet access to see that the league had started. But then that wouldn't work would it? Because they would then have been able to etc etc etc. At least they'll be grateful to have missed that rather contrived headline until later. I mean, what is a 'torrential tidal wave' really? Shoddy sub editing that's what that is.

In the meantime, it's purpose was to skew our attention towards the rush of OFFL managers taking advantage of the Score Now deal presented to the League by Our Most Gracious Chairman.

Now, if you find that you haven't made the deadline this week then fear not. Our current Champions won the league last season after entering three weeks late. I know, it still hurts most of you. So you're still in with a chance. A big chance. Get entering. NOW.

Download the friendly SelectYourTeam spreadsheet. Pick your team and send it in.

Simple.

Just like the League's current Champions.

Welcome to the OFFL Season 2007/08

Are you ready to pick your dream team? [Left: Chairman's Dream Team]

Are you ready to get it booted back in your face when it goes horribly wrong? [Right: Chairman boots it back in someone's face]

Then you're probably ready for The Office Fantasy Football League Season of 2007/2008.

Well, are you?

Maybe you haven't studied Match of the Day in as much detail as you would have liked. Maybe you want to just see how things turn out for the next couple of weeks before committing to a team that is then restricted to 12 transfers for the rest of the season. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

But actually, you now have everything you need.

You have the players list, you have the rules.

You have £55million.

Now all you need is a funny team name and eleven players sent to me on the Very Helpful 'Select Your Team' spreadsheet.

As soon as your team is in, it starts scoring. Simple. Don't you think?

Well, don't you?

Get on with it then.

Oh by the way. Yes. That's correct. The Chairman Is Always Right.

It's time...

There’s a rather muddy ditch by the side of a country lane that winds itself through the beautiful Yorkshire Dales.

It’s about a metre deep. A depth that is perfect for any discerning fugitive in which to lie down and steal forty much needed winks whilst keeping the lowest of profiles.

Well, it’s a perfect depth for most outlaws on the run, for sure. However, it seems that The Chairman’s ventripotent rotundity is once again some cause for concern.

Whilst waddling around searching for somewhere to lay his sweaty balding head, a deed made all the more tricky after misplacing his much loved braces, the Chairman was forced into diving for cover when a horse and rider rounded a corner up ahead.

The abandoned pair of slacks resting in a heap on the road momentarily prompted a curious cock of the rider’s eyebrow as she clip-clopped past but, thankfully, it wasn’t enough to influence a dismounted investigation.

You see, she would have easily spotted the heaving hump of the top of a hefty human belly filling the ditch next to her. And by the time she would have approached, there would have been a deep, rasping, spluttering snoring…

And so...

It’s been a long cold, wet, pointless Summer.

Luckily that raid on OFFL HQ back in May had been badly timed by the authorities. Only moments before, the Chairman and his loyal Umpa Lumpas said their farewells and went their separate ways, dispersing around the country. Quickly, smoothly, without panic.

Leaving no traces of their previous presence.

Apart from a pair of over-stretched braces hanging on the back of the loo door and an empty crisp-packet on a coffee table by the photocopier.

But that was it…