Week 35: Standing on the Verge

Standing on the verge

We stand on the verge of crowning Mr Neil McConaghy with the diadem of double dominance as his Diamonds do it again - that is, win the OFFL Championship for the second year running. But let us pretend for one more week that it could be an open race.  It isn't an open race but we're already losing our viewers to the Eurovision Song Contest and we can't stand the thought of writing this bloody nonsense for nothing.

Every week.  I mean.  Come on.  Bloody nonsense.  For you.

You don't care.

Though, you might [you won't] when you see the OFFL Cup Final breakdown between Livercoolio and Inter Milandrover.


========================
OFFL Cup Final Breakdown
------------------------

Livercoolio      ClubTotal | Inter Milandrover    ClubTotal
-------------------------- | ------------------------------
 134 GK de Gea, D MUN  120 | 119 GK  Pickford, J  EVE   48
 197 DF AzpilicuetCHE   57 | 234 DF  Maguire, H   LEI   31
 193 DF Tarkowski,BUR   31 | 306 DF  Davies, B    TOT  116
 510 MF Alli, D   TOT  133 | 445 MF  de Bruyne, K MCY   90
 459 MF Lingard, JMUN   45 | 454 MF  Sterling, R  MCY   76
 454 MF Sterling, MCY   82 | 441 MF  Mane, S      LIV  105
 627 ST Kane, H   TOT   78 | 595 ST  Vardy, J     LEI   51
 596 ST Firmino, RLIV  163 | 707 ST  Aubameyang, PARS   15

Hence, Livercoolio are the Firm[ino] favourites to defeat this season's disappointing Inter Milandrover.

Meanwhile, as most of you sidestep any passing interest in The OFFL Cup you will of course be happy to take note that the Manager of the Week this week is Brighton Beautiful's Karyn Meaden-Pratt. The bright and beautiful Mrs Meaden-Pratt popped in an impressively sized 47 points.

Pop.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 17 1490
 2 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 17 1433
 3 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 27 1429
 4 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 24 1418
 5 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 19 1379
 6 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              48.3 21 1366
 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 18 1362
 8 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 31 1342
 9 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 18 1332
10 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.3 47 1331

Week 22: One Thousand Points

For the first time ever in OFFL history we have teams that have passed the 1000 point mark.  Which just goes to show how ridiculous the scoring system is these days and that all these young fantasy footballers don't know they're born and we blame the parents.

And all that.  

Isn't it though.

More excitingly, First and Second Place in the League are merely one point apart while Third Place Bayern Bru rest a mere 16 points from usurping both.

Karyn Meaden-Bloody-Pratt is this week's Manager of the Week Certificate winner as she watched her all things Brighton Beautiful score a rather impressive 78 points, pushing her up a total of zero places in the league to remain in Eighth.

In the meantime, as we hear the tinkle of broken glass fall to the floor following the slamming shut of the Premiership transfer window, we might as well have a look at our very own transfer quota state of affairs...  and it's looking good for Neil's Diamonds.

Transfers Remaining
-------------------

Lge                                               Transf
Pos Team                Manager             Value Remain
----------------------------------------------------------
 2 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7   12
 5 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8   12
 9 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0   12
16 What's Scotland For? Matilda Larking      49.2   12
17 Suits You Sur-man    Sarah Bingham        49.3   12
19 Ali McMoist          Alison Faulkner      49.3   12
21 RockRollford United  Edgar Rayner         48.0   12
22 Wardy's Wasters      Gavin Ward           49.4   12
23 Sheep City           Martyn Field         49.9   12
24 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           48.5   12
 1 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4   11
 6 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3   11
15 Rushden Academicals 2Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 49.9   11
 4 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         49.9   10
11 Johnny's Heroes      Sarah Bielby         48.1   10
 3 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6   8
12 Radnorshire Tigers   Alun Edwards         50.0   8
13 Moobchester United   Jon King             49.7   8
14 Irishpool            Mike Smears          48.2   7
18 Minty's Minions      Minty Colquhoun      49.1   7
 7 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0   6
10 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              49.2   4
20 Obi Wan Kenobi Nil   Chris Walsh          44.5   4
 8 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1   1

Oh dear Chris Walsh.  DON'T LOOK AT HIM!  He might cry.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.4 70 1016
 2 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 77 1015
 3 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 75 1001
 4 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         49.9 72  952
 5 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 66  931
 6 Pogboom              Nick and Sam Reed    49.3 76  925
 7 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       50.0 60  922
 8 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.1 78  921
 9 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         49.0 66  901
10 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              49.2 68  900

Week 09: Muffled Struggling

Spot The Karyn

Can anybody hear that?  

A stunningly morbid muffled struggling.

As if someone is flailing to get out from under something big and heavy.

It could be that lovely Karyn Meaden-Pratt finally climbing atop her hellish husband, Mally.  Mrs is Fourth, Mr is Filth. Fifth. He's Fifth.

In squelching her squashed body out from under the massive Malster the three-worded Karyn Meaden-Pratt wins a joint-Manager of the Week certificate.  Joining her in this joint honour is the more economically-worded Smasher. Both Brighton Beautiful and Inter Milandrover respectively and jointly scored 51 points.

And now we wait for the silence of yet another International Break to break.

Is any of this really worth it?

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 38  348
 2 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 42  346
 3 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.9 45  337
 4 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.9 51  313
 5 Rushden Academicals 2Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 49.9 25  309
 6 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 42  304
 7 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 44  303
 8 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       49.6 39  300
 9 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              49.2 51  299
10 Johnny's Heroes      Sarah Bielby         47.7 44  295

Week 07: Spooning Managers

Mr and Mrs Meaden-Pratt.  Spooning.

Manager of the Week, Karyn Meaden-Pratt whose Brighton Beautiful totalled an amazing 63 points this week, has nuzzled right up behind her husband in the League Table. Mr and Mrs spoon in Fourth and Fifth respectively.  And then she goes and spoils it all by saying something stupid like "Transfers Please!" [See below].

Meanwhile, Dave Clayton's Pyeators has snatched top spot back from Neil McConaghy's Neil's Diamonds re-creating last season's tussle for the Championship.

And after those two bland paragraphs, born of a failed search for inspiration, with which to leave you we apologise for yet another weekly waste of your time and ours.

But mostly ours.

Have a good week.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         50.0 43  277
 2 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       49.7 23  260
 3 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        49.9 46  259
 4 Rushden Academicals 2Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 49.9 31  258
 5 Brighton Beautiful   Karyn Meaden-Pratt   49.9 63  233
 6 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       49.6 40  229
 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        49.8 28  229
 8 Suits You Sur-man    Sarah Bingham        49.3 37  227
 9 Bayern Bru           Guy Harewood         49.6 51  224
10 Johnny's Heroes      Sarah Bielby         47.7 35  218