Week 18: Reaching Out to the Masses - and then changing one's mind

Yes, it was a funny old morning. Our Chairman had awoken five hours earlier than normal and so decided to try out something referred to as 'Breakfast' for once.

He'd greedily started munching through his over-milked cornflakes in front of the BBC's morning telly offering when suddenly an image appeared that made him gasp and panic for a short sharp switch back to the dry, humourless Turnbull & Williams sofa love-in.

In fact, the sight that was, quite literally, thrown up on Our Chairman's tastefully tinsel-framed screen was so traumatic that Our Usually Dignified and Most Serene Chairman returned the throw-up by guffaw-spewing an entire mouthful of milk and soggy flakes all over it as he desperately tried to reach for the remote control Off switch.

The sight that caused such spasms was that of OFFL Manager Nick Reed, of Gotsmanov's Salute.

On television.

In colour.

Shirt And Tie.

And Everything.

Clearly he was about to announce that his club was not in any financial trouble at all and could, actually, do with a bit more support from the fans. However, suffering from nerves and cold feet at the thought of the potential damage he could be doing to dressing room morale he chickened out at the last moment and ranted on and on about some sort of Transport Stat' about mobile phone usage on the road.

And such is the inadequacy of the current crap crop of investigative BBC Churnalists waving fluffy microphones in people's faces that the earnestly four-eyed presenter even encouraged Mr Reed to go off message with his stupid questions about accident rates and driving abilities.

Luckily for Mr Reed, the Chairman has decided against fining his team for having a manager that abuses his own pretty boy looks to intimidate the opposition. His eventual League position and inevitable Cup exit will be humiliative punishment enough.

The entire débâcle can be witnessed here http://j.mp/6He3MZ

Manager of the Week this week is Sarah John who guided her Johnny's Heroes to a weekly haul of 18 points.

Massive.

Arsenorm climbs furthest, up four, while Mat 'Lazy' Tucker wrestles last place from the incompetently loose and wimpish grip of Greg Spencer's Spencer's Heroes.

And finally, Neil 'Decimated Left Peg' Jukes retrieves the lead from Khumbula 'One Week' Dube.

And that, my lovelies, is all for this week.