Week 30: OFFL Cup Round Two - IN PLAY!

Dave Clayton Wakes Up

It's Week 30 and Russell Bielby takes advantage of the mighty Inter Milandrover's massive mega-meltdown to take over the second place spot.

Meanwhile Guy Harewood has his Big Girl's Blouses billowing up into twelfth place after earning a Manager of the Week certificate-winning 18 points.

And in other news... Dave Clayton has submitted a couple of transfer requests to help hold off that heel-nipping chasing pack.

Finally, this week...

========
OFFL Cup
--------
ROUND TWO, IN PLAY

     Guess Hughton  v  Moreton Rovers
         Nick Reed     Edgar Rayner
     
  The Flying Geese  v  Minty's Minions
       Mandy Noble     Minty Colquhoun
  
Dowds Farm Goblins  v  Toby's Gang
      Nick Borrett     Toby Larking

           RS-TBOY  v  Moanchester United
     Rick Beecroft     Alex Blundell
           
Moobchester United  v  Crystal Phallus
          Jon King     Guy Salter

       Shutdown FC  v  The Trumpeteers
          Sam Reed     Donald Trump
       
Obi Wan Kenobi Nil  v  Starpratt Mustgo
       Chris Walsh     Malcolm Meaden-Pratt

 Inter Milandrover  v  Epic Yellowz
           Smasher     Kate/Stanley Wilson

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         54.9  5 323
 2 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       54.8 12 319
 3 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.6 -5 307
 4 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         54.9  7 307
 5 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       55.0  5 303
 6 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           54.2  2 299
 7 Moobchester United   Jon King             54.7  6 286
 8 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.0  5 285
 9 Radnorshire Tigers   Alun Edwards         54.7  6 285
10 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        55.0 11 282

Week 29:

Imagine the noise of the wind.

*Tumbleweed*

[Jon King is this week's Manager of the Week.  His Moobchester United wobbled in 23 points and pushing themselves together and up, back into the top ten cleavage of the League.]

[Will the Pyeators still be top of the Table next week? And if not, which of the approaching challengers will replace them?]

And just a reminder...

========
OFFL Cup
--------
ROUND TWO, to be played over Week 31

     Guess Hughton  v  Moreton Rovers
         Nick Reed     Edgar Rayner
     
  The Flying Geese  v  Minty's Minions
       Mandy Noble     Minty Colquhoun
  
Dowds Farm Goblins  v  Toby's Gang
      Nick Borrett     Toby Larking

           RS-TBOY  v  Moanchester United
     Rick Beecroft     Alex Blundell
           
Moobchester United  v  Crystal Phallus
          Jon King     Guy Salter

       Shutdown FC  v  The Trumpeteers
          Sam Reed     Donald Trump
       
Obi Wan Kenobi Nil  v  Starpratt Mustgo
       Chris Walsh     Malcolm Meaden-Pratt

 Inter Milandrover  v  Epic Yellowz
           Smasher     Kate/Stanley Wilson

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         54.9  6 318

 2 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.6 16 312

 3 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       54.8  8 307

 4 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         54.9  7 300

 5 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       55.0 13 298

 6 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           54.2  4 297

 7 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.0 15 280

 8 Moobchester United   Jon King             54.7 23 280

 9 Radnorshire Tigers   Alun Edwards         54.7  8 279

10 Starpratt Mustgo     Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 55.0  8 276

Week 28: Draw

A drawing of a drawer

You can't take your eye of that Bielby [Mr] for a moment can you?

As soon as everyone turns their backs on an FA Cup week, the solitary Premiership fixture in that week only goes and gifts the gaffer a goodly and great 10 points.

Not only does this gift give again in the form of a Manager of the Week Certificate but it also presents Livercoolio a lift into Second Place. A mere 13 points behind the current leaders, Pyeators.

We'd better be careful here... this might start to become 'exciting'.

So what of the OFFL's own premier cup competition?  The draw has been drawn...

========
OFFL Cup
--------
ROUND TWO, to be played over Week 31

     Guess Hughton  v  Moreton Rovers
         Nick Reed     Edgar Rayner
     
  The Flying Geese  v  Minty's Minions
       Mandy Noble     Minty Colquhoun
  
Dowds Farm Goblins  v  Toby's Gang
      Nick Borrett     Toby Larking

           RS-TBOY  v  Moanchester United
     Rick Beecroft     Alex Blundell
           
Moobchester United  v  Crystal Phallus
          Jon King     Guy Salter

       Shutdown FC  v  The Trumpeteers
          Sam Reed     Donald Trump
       
Obi Wan Kenobi Nil  v  Starpratt Mustgo
       Chris Walsh     Malcolm Meaden-Pratt

 Inter Milandrover  v  Epic Yellowz
           Smasher     Kate/Stanley Wilson

So, there we are and off we pop.

Till next week.  Cheerio.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         54.9  0 312
 2 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       54.8 10 299
 3 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.6  0 296
 4 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         53.2  5 293
 5 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           54.2  0 293
 6 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       55.0  0 285
 7 Radnorshire Tigers   Alun Edwards         54.7  3 271
 8 Starpratt Mustgo     Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 55.0  0 268
 9 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.5  0 265
10 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        55.0  3 261

Week 27: Broken Seals

Penniless Pup: A seal what is broke

It was Week 11 when Sarah Bingham's Absolutely Fabregas broke the OFFL's 100 point seal and, then, Week 19 when Dave Clayton skipped over the 200 point mark.  It's now Week 27 and The Dave's Pyeators, albeit looking a little weary, are still at the top of the pile and marching happily across the 300 point mark all by themselves.  The belief that the Championship is theirs remains strong.

Not only does this signify that the end of the season is hovering just below the horizon but it also means that the rest of the managers had better get a boogie on if they're going to challenge for this most prestigious of prizes.

Smasher of Inter Milandrover fame has got the message and has recently put on a lethargic spurt to claim Second Place in the table.

Three paragraphs in and still no jokes, gags or smile-worthy funniness.  With shoulders slumping in embarrassed dejection, we make our way towards the exit, tossing the last crumpling of necessary info over our shoulder...

Guy Harewood earns the Manager of the Week certificate this week for cheering on his Big Girls Blouses to a pleasingly billowy 22 points.  Mr Harewood needed some good news as his season was slowly disappearing into the murky mist of mid-table mediocrity.  The Blouses climb four into Sixteenth.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         54.9 14 312

 2 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.6 19 296

 3 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           54.2 15 293

 4 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       54.8 17 289

 5 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         53.2  8 288

 6 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       55.0 11 285

 7 Radnorshire Tigers   Alun Edwards         54.7 11 268

 8 Starpratt Mustgo     Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 55.0  8 268

 9 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.5  6 265

10 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        55.0 12 258

Week 25 & 26: Short but sweet

Gotta go bye

Alun Edwards takes the Manager of the Week biscuit this week after Radnorshire Tigers clipped in 29 points pushing themselves up four places and back into the top ten.

Now if you'll excuse us while an increasingly challenging nearly-2 year old boy drunkenly waves a pair of scissors over his sister's face, we'll be back next week.

Team of the Month for January 2017 is Dowds Farm Goblins.

 # Team Name            Pts
---------------------------
 2 Dowds Farm Goblins   88
 4 Inter Milandrover    81
10 Moobchester United   79
 3 Crystal Phallus      72
18 Game Of Throw Ins    65
14 Minty's Minions      64
27 Obi Wan Kenobi Nil   63
 9 Radnorshire Tigers   63
 7 Starpratt Mustgo     62
21 Guess Hughton        61
 6 Livercoolio          61
.
.
.
22 Bourneslippy         36
19 Johnny's Heroes      32
24 It's A Snickers      27
25 Sheep City           27
29 Ali McMoist          20
26 Roll all the dice FC 18
28 Moreton Rovers       14

---

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         54.9 13 298
 2 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         54.3 14 280
 3 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           54.2 16 278
 4 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.6 13 277
 5 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       55.0 16 274
 6 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       54.8 26 272
 7 Starpratt Mustgo     Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 55.0 18 260
 8 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.7 18 259
 9 Radnorshire Tigers   Alun Edwards         54.7 29 257
10 Moobchester United   Jon King             54.7 10 249
11 Absolutely Fabregas  Sarah Bingham        55.0 13 248
12 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        55.0 11 246
13 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        54.7  8 236
14 Minty's Minions      Minty Colquhoun      53.9 10 234
15 Shutdown FC          Sam Reed             54.4  8 232
16 Irishpool            Mike Smears          54.8 25 224
17 Toby's Gang          Toby Larking         55.0  4 221
18 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         54.9  4 220
19 Johnny's Heroes      Sarah Bielby         54.6 15 217
20 Big Girl's Blouses   Guy Harewood         54.6 -4 213
21 Guess Hughton        Nick Reed            54.3  8 212
22 Bourneslippy         Karyn Meaden-Pratt   54.5 12 211
23 The Flying Geese     Mandy Noble          54.8 24 207
24 It's A Snickers      Ashley Keeler        54.0  2 178
25 Sheep City           Martyn Field         53.9 15 159
26 Roll all the dice FC Gavin Ward           54.6 14 150
27 Obi Wan Kenobi Nil   Chris Walsh          53.7 19 135
28 Moreton Rovers       Edgar Rayner         55.0 11 103
29 Ali McMoist          Ali Larking          46.8  2  77
30 The Trumpeteers      Donald Trump         43.0 18   2


                        Week's Average Points       13.1
                        Total Average Points        214.3

-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

The Trumpeteers
-------------------
   From: Donald "Mike Smears" Trump
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Esteemed Mr President

I just had a furious call from my friend Donald re The Trumpeteers. I ought to warn you, he is LIVID at your account of events. “I’ll have this Adam Larkino sent back to where he belongs - and Mexico can pay,” he bawled, over the Trump-team theme of ‘We Shall Overcomb’.  What’s more, he’s signed executive orders for three transfers this week. So, my advice to you is to make them asap, before he builds a wall around OFFL.

So:

OUT
570 Long
637 Marshall
296 Amat

IN
563 Rhodes
139 Fabianski
295 O’Shea.

Yeah, best do what he says, or Vlad’ll be on your trail.

Yours respectfully

Brexit from Bassett.

----------------------
Chairman responds:
18 points this week.  It's almost like he knows what he's doing.  I'd vote for him.

=============================

Epic Yellowz
-------------------
   From: Kate Wilson
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Dear Sir

Epic Yelloz would like to request the following changes:

OUT
198 Darmian
129 De Gea

IN
166 Azpilicueto
141 Lloris

Do keep an eye on the FA Cup this weekend, when the Mighty Yellows take on Newcastle! You never know....

Love to all. Kate x

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Oxford United 3 v Newcastle United 0

=============================

Roll all the dice FC
-------------------
   From: Gavin Ward
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 2017: The down before an up? 

Dear Chairman,

I’ve been trying really hard to wake up from what I could only assume to be a nasty dream, nothing appears to have gone as I expected it. Take a look around and it’s clear that this is not a reality that anyone wants to deal with – so, I’ve decided to do something about it…

Please could you make the following changes:

Out
229 C Zuniga
253 P Jagielka
516 D Payet
317 S Cazorla

In
157 N Ake
286 V Van Dijk
408 S Mane
478 D Alli

Oh, and if you get a chance:

Out
D J Trump

In

----------------------
Chairman responds:
These transfers are clearly part of an executive order that no judge in the land would dare to challenge.  Unless you had two players from the same club.  Which you don't.

=============================

Shutdown FC
-------------------
   From: Sam Reed
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Dear Mr Chairman,

On behalf of my executive sponsor, I would like to request the following changes to Shutdown FC:

Out:
222 FB K Walker
516 MF D Payet
553 ST J Vardy

In:
166 Azpilicueta FB CHE
478 D Alli      MF TOT £5.0
523 A Sanchez   ST ARS £7.6

Many thanks!

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Always welcome.  So good to see the youth of today taking this OFFL thing seriously.

=============================

Dowds Farm Goblins
-------------------
   From: Nick Borrett
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com


Evening Mr Chairman,

Time for a shuffle round at Goblins HQ, so can you make the following changes if you'd be so kind:

Out
185 Clyne
347 Hazard

In
640 Alonso
478 Alli

Thanks,

Nick


----------------------
Chairman responds:
All done, all in and oh: congratulations on having the Team of the Month for January.  Feel the hate from the rest of the league yet?  It'll come.  Trust me.  The Hate will come.

=============================