Week 07: No 'Manager of the Week' for Minty Shock

Minions Fail to Deliver Manager of the Week

Manager of the Week this week is NOT Minty Colquhoun.  Which is all some of us need to know.  Tradition has it however that the ACTUAL Manager of the Month step forward and thus, forward-stepping, comes Edgar Rayner.  His Moreton Rovers have scored a massive 15 points, moving themselves up five places into ninth in the league.

Congratulations Mr Rayner.  S'marvellous.

Now if you could all just settle down and get some sleep, the management would be most grateful.


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T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0  9  57
 2 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3 14  49
 3 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9 11  48
 4 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 13  42
 5 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7  9  42
 6 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3  5  36
 7 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       54.6  5  36
 8 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9 10  36
 9 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 15  33
10 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    54.7 11  33

Week 05 & 06: Bunch of Currants

Well this is quite something... Minty Colquhoun is Manager of the Week yet again.  And this week, it's by quite some distance.  18 points for her Minions which is nearly twice as many as the nearest challenger to the Certificate.  She breezes past Neil's tarnished Diamonds into First place in the League.

While that first paragraph didn't quite live up to its opening sentence, we can point out that Livercoolio, our current Champions, are currently mirroring the current Premiership's current Champions' current fortunes, currantly.  They have again achieved a minus score.

Raisin hopes for this season's pretenders to the sultanate.

In fact, we've just heard it through the OFFL Grapevine that giggling can be heard from Beeky Towers.

And just as Mike Smears dispatches his first Rant of the Season [see below] his Irishpool have jumped up five places in the League, more than any other.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 18  48
 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9  9  37
 3 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3  9  35
 4 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7  1  33
 5 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3  8  31
 6 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       54.6  4  31
 7 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 10  29
 8 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9  9  29
 9 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  4  26
10 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    54.7  6  22

OFFL Cup Winners Prize Received

Champ-io-nes! The Office Fantasy Football League champions 2014-2015, many thanks Chairman Smash O'Little!
Posted by Alun Edwards on Thursday, 3 September 2015

Week 04: Formal Apology

After the publication of last week's Studmarks, social media has been aflame with criticism of The OFFL and, in particular, OMG Chairman.  The pressure has been so intense for an apology to be issued that the Chairman called us after a mysterious prang in his little silver Nissan Micra to request that we publish the following statement

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Dear OFFL Public 

It has come to my attention that Week 3's edition of Studmarks may have caused offence and annoyance. 

It was never our intention to imply that Norbert Dentressangle is guilty of smuggling Asylum Seekers illegally into a country that is so openly unsympathetic to the needs of such desperate human beings. This will not happen again. 

We hope you find this free online voucher code for Shamazon.con satisfactory compensation for the ordeal you have suffered.  Redeem at checkout. 

Yours sincerely, The OFFL Chairman

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Pressure was applied to the Chairman

And there you have it.  Hopefully sincere enough to avoid any further dirtiness.

In the meantime, Manager of the Week this week is Alun Edwards.  Alun's Radnorshire Tigers scored an impressive 18 points earning him the much-coveted Manager of the Week certificate.

It's in the post, Alun.  And you've climbed eight places in the League.

Worthy of note is The First Transfer Of The Season Award which mockingly goes to Dave Clayton - mind you, one little look at his original team line-up and you're beginning to feel a lot of sympathy for him.

Oh and yes, MUST mention before we go... Current OFFL Champion Russ Bielby's weekly score... just saying and that, innit.  A subsequent fall of seven places has been experienced.

Marvellous stuff everyone, keep it up do.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7  5  32
 2 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 10  30
 3 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    54.9 13  28
 4 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       54.6 14  27
 5 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3 18  26
 6 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3 10  23
 7 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9  7  22
 8 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  4  22
 9 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 10  20
10 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 10  19

Week 03: Welcome to a Better Life

Championship-winning manager of yore, Guy Harewood,
desperate to get into the OFFL for a better life

Like the Swarming Immigrants that are currently terrorising our civilised shores, so the returning OFFL Managers cling to the rattling carriage roofs of this Fantasy Football train as it hurtles towards a delusionally better Fantasy life.

Clambering over the ineffective razor wire, for example, is Guy Harewood, a Championship-winning manager of yore who currently manages trees from his armchair in Tillicoultry.

Scrambling under the pulled-up bottom of a chain link fence and disappearing into the darkness of freedom is Rachel Jones too, as she herds her 11 illegals into this most giving of Leagues.

And look! Hurtling westward along the M20, nestling uncomfortably amongst the latest shipment of boxed TVs in the back of one of Norbert Dentressangle's finest assets is the Family Wilson - desperately clutching their pre-filled Housing Benefit forms.

And over there, clogging up that NHS queue, Malcolm Pratt is shiftily looking to steal that rather tempting hospital bed from under the noses of that efficient and eagled-eyed Health Trust middle management.

And finally, stealing one of our jobs in the Sweatshop, Sexslave & Domestic Cleaners industry is Ashley Keeler, returning to the OFFL highways and byways for another season of hopeless street-walking.

And the Chairman himself returning from another foreign scouting mission, swooping into Gatwick or Heathrow, from over the rolling hills and the open-spaced patchwork of greens that make up the South East of England - How could he possibly blurt out that OFFL Land 'DOESN'T HAVE ANY MORE ROOM!'?  Or that 'WE'RE FULL UP!'?

Because it simply isn't true.

So, come on you.  Come on in.  You're welcome. Wherever you're from.  Have a cup of tea.

Biscuit?

Right, now bloody get on with it and Select Your Team.

Manager of the Week is Minty Colquhoun again, her Minions scored 20 points for her team.  She's now a healthy second - just under the bulging biceps of our leader, Neil McConaghy and his Neil's Diamonds.

Anyone tempted to make a transfer yet?

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T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7 10  27
 2 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 20  20
 3 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  9  18
 4 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    51.4  4  15
 5 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9 15  15
 6 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    54.7 14  14
 7 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       52.2 10  13
 8 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3 13  13
 9 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  55.0 11  11
10 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   51.3  4  10