 |
| With the help of Mike Smears |
Yes, Obi Wan Kenobi Nil are making history after yet another week of negativity and a Week 16 point total that's never been so low for the League. What Mr Walsh is wistfully gruntling about down there is anyone's guess but we can speculate it might be something along the lines of 'if only I could submit my team again'. To which the OFFL rules suggest he bloody well can. In time for the OFFL Cup?
For anyone suffering from our recent turbulent times, succour can be secured from Mike Smears' thoughts on a potential new team. He writes...
"I think that in keeping with these desperate times, you should include a team named after Donald Trump. The team would remain at the foot of the league because, although its defence would be solid, having built a wall across the penalty area, it would be composed solely of right-wingers and be unable therefore ever to score. This would make us all feel better."
To which OFFL HQ have challenged
"if anyone can cobble together a mildly relevant 'Donald Trump' team we'd gladly enter it into this year's OFFL Cup for pure top bants and lunatic laughs cos we're crazy funny like that".Quite.
Meanwhile, Jon King nabs another Manager of the Week certificate after honking in a massive 28 points this week, lifting his Moobs nine places into Fourteenth.
Happy Birthday to current OFFL Champions' Manager Minty Colquhoun.
Team of the Month for November is Guy Salter's Crystal Phallus.
Pos Name Total
-----------------------------
13 Crystal Phallus 46
1 Pyeators 45
14 Moobchester United 42
2 Moanchester United 41
19 Radnorshire Tigers 41
6 Dowds Farm Goblins 38
5 Neil's Diamonds 36
3 Absolutely Fabregas 35
16 Guess Hughton 35
8 Johnny's Heroes 35
.
.
.
25 Game Of Throw Ins 15
27 Moreton Rovers 15
15 Shutdown FC 14
24 Roll all the dice FC 13
28 Ali McMoist 5
29 Obi Wan Kenobi Nil 1
COMING SOON!
The OFFL Cup.
T h e T a b l e
Value Points
Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot
--------------------------------------------------------
1 Pyeators Dave Clayton 55.0 10 159
2 Moanchester United Alex Blundell 54.9 15 150
3 Absolutely Fabregas Sarah Bingham 55.0 14 148
4 Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.9 11 144
5 Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 53.9 15 137
6 Dowds Farm Goblins Nick Borrett 54.3 12 135
7 Epic Yellowz Stanley/Kate Wilson 54.8 9 134
8 Johnny's Heroes Sarah Bielby 54.6 14 133
9 Starpratt Mustgo Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 55.0 14 132
10 Big Girl's Blouses Guy Harewood 54.6 20 125
11 Minty's Minions Minty Colquhoun 54.6 9 125
12 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 54.8 13 123
13 Crystal Phallus Guy Salter 54.7 18 122
14 Moobchester United Jon King 54.7 28 119
15 Shutdown FC Sam Reed 54.4 5 118
16 Guess Hughton Nick Reed 54.3 17 117
17 RS-TBOY Rick Beecroft 55.0 8 117
18 Toby's Gang Toby Larking 55.0 12 116
19 Bourneslippy Karyn Meaden-Pratt 54.7 4 113
20 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 54.9 16 113
21 Irishpool Mike Smears 53.7 4 110
22 It's A Snickers Ashley Keeler 54.9 4 105
23 The Flying Geese Mandy Noble 54.8 9 101
24 Roll all the dice FC Gavin Ward 54.9 11 99
25 Game Of Throw Ins Craig McHugh 54.9 11 95
26 Sheep City Martyn Field 53.9 5 84
27 Moreton Rovers Edgar Rayner 55.0 7 63
28 Ali McMoist Ali Larking 46.8 -4 46
29 Obi Wan Kenobi Nil Chris Walsh 46.1 -6 7
Week's Average Points 10
Total Average Points 113
---
-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s a n d s t u f f
=============================
Bourneslippy
-------------------
From: Karyn Meaden-Pratt
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
After some serious work-avoidance this afternoon, please may I humbly request the following transfers please:
440 Mata IN
494 Capoue OUT
225 Holebas IN
206 Soares OUT
402 Coutinho IN
421 Sterling OUT
I do hope the new members fulfil their promise and the ex-members nosedive. Fingers crossed I haven’t made any embarrassing decisions, seeing as they have all been made without context and based only on stats….
Thank you for letting me play!
Lots of love
xxx
----------------------
Chairman responds:
No real embarrassments, I suppose. Not really. Well...
=============================
Inter Milandrover
-------------------
From: Smasher
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Cooteenio
With news that Coutinho may be out for a while our new injury-based transfer policy is permitting us to bring in the unlikely named Spaniard, Pedro.
IN
355 MF Pedro CHE
OUT
Coutinho LIV
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Astute. As always.
=============================
Game Of Throw Ins
-------------------
From: Craig McHugh
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Greeting Mr Chairman
Its all change down at the wall... -4 tut tut...
In Out
640 FB M Alonso 234 FB A Cresswell
204 FB R Bertrand 230 FB C Dawson
238 CB L Koscielny 283 CB C Smalling
244 CB G Cahill 262 CB R Huth
402 MF P Courtinho 346 MF C Fabregas
325 MF T Walcott 369 MF R Barkley
508 MF M Antonio 478 MF D Alli
586 ST H Son 589 ST O Ighalo
Thank you kindly sir... :-)
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Sweeping.
=============================
Irishpool
-------------------
From: Mike Smears
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Esteemed Mr President
As you rightly say, passing my 101st birthday this week has proved to be an unequal trial of strength. I cannot yet rise to the usual level of peremptory abrasiveness which should accompany my seniority. Therefore, I shall ask you, Sir, simply to implement two proposals forthwith with your usual efficacy.
1 Could you please arrange the following transfers:
OUT
141 Lloris
222 Walker
389 Albrighton
IN
110 Courtois
640 Alonso
388 Snodgrass.
Thank you Sir.
2 I think that in keeping with these desperate times, you should include a team named after Donald Trump. The team would remain at the foot of the league because, although its defence would be solid, having built a wall across the penalty area, it would be composed solely of right-wingers and be unable therefore ever to score. This would make us all feel better.
I remain
Brexit from Bassett
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Such comforting thoughts you offer. Thank you.
=============================
No comments:
Post a Comment