Thursday, 8 December 2016

Week 17: OFFL Cup Round One Draw

Manager of the Week this week is the mighty Neil McConaghy who picked up 26 phat points for his Neil's Diamonds who are soaring into Third.  Meanwhile the newly entered Trumpeteers sees Donald Trump sawing [through the floor] into Thirtieth with minus 1.

At the top of the table there's a bit of a gap showing between First and Second places with Dave Clayton's Pyeators outscoring Moanchester United by 8 points this week.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         55.0 22 181
 2 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        54.9 14 164
 3 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       53.9 26 163
 4 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.7 13 157
 5 Starpratt Mustgo     Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 55.0 17 149
 6 Absolutely Fabregas  Sarah Bingham        55.0 -1 147
 7 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.8 12 146
 8 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         54.3  7 142
 9 Big Girl's Blouses   Guy Harewood         54.6 16 141

10 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       54.8 18 141
11 Johnny's Heroes      Sarah Bielby         54.6  7 140
12 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           54.7 14 136
13 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        55.0 15 132
14 Toby's Gang          Toby Larking         55.0 14 130
15 Minty's Minions      Minty Colquhoun      54.6  3 128
16 Bourneslippy         Karyn Meaden-Pratt   54.7 14 127
17 Radnorshire Tigers   Alun Edwards         54.9 14 127
18 Shutdown FC          Sam Reed             54.4  7 125
19 Moobchester United   Jon King             54.7  5 124
20 Guess Hughton        Nick Reed            54.3  5 122
21 It's A Snickers      Ashley Keeler        54.9  8 113
22 Irishpool            Mike Smears          53.3  0 110
23 The Flying Geese     Mandy Noble          54.8  7 108
24 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         54.9 13 108
25 Roll all the dice FC Gavin Ward           54.9  9 108
26 Sheep City           Martyn Field         53.9  7  91
27 Moreton Rovers       Edgar Rayner         55.0 -1  62
28 Ali McMoist          Ali Larking          46.8  2  48
29 Obi Wan Kenobi Nil   Chris Walsh          46.1  1   8
30 The Trumpeteers      Donald Trump         43.0 -1  -1


                        Week's Average Points          9


---
==================
OFFL Cup Round One
------------------
Draw for the First Round of the OFFL Cup 2017

ROUND ONE, Wk21 & Wk22

          Pyeators  v  Toby's Gang
   It's A Snickers  v  Inter Milandrover
   Crystal Phallus  v  Absolutely Fabregas
   Neil's Diamonds  v  Starpratt Mustgo
     Guess Hughton  v  Radnorshire Tigers
   Johnny's Heroes  v  RS-TBOY
   Minty's Minions  v  Irishpool
        Sheep City  v  Epic Yellowz
 Game Of Throw Ins  v  Dowds Farm Goblins
       Shutdown FC  v  Big Girl's Blouses
Moobchester United  v  Livercoolio
Moanchester United  v  Roll all the dice FC
      Bourneslippy  v  The Flying Geese
    Moreton Rovers  v  Ali McMoist
Obi Wan Kenobi Nil  v  Through to the Next Round
   The Trumpeteers  v  Through to the Next Round

And this year you're playing for an actual Cup.  

Well, isn't that a pip?


-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

The Trumpeteers
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Dear Mr President

I hereby submit my Donald Trump team for your consideration. if you feel so disposed, please will you add it to the list. The aim of this team is to gain no points whatsoever and for D Trump to be the least successful manager each week. They are to be called 'The Trumpeteers’.

So:

637 Marshall

171 Ward
180 Robertson

294 Kone
196 Amat

363 Mutch
396 King
472 Cork
515 Oxford

570 Long
576 Borini.


I am duly grateful, Sir.

Brexit from Bassett

[ps - feel free to ignore this entirely if you feel it doesn't fit in with the spirit of OFFL. Hope you are well]

----------------------
Chairman responds:
It's IN!  Entered in time for the OFFL Cup, of course.

=============================

Obi Wan Kenobi Nil
-------------------
   From: Chris Walsh
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Obi Wan Transfer

Dear Chairman,
Oh dear.  Oh dear!
I’ve been watching my team soar in the wrong direction for weeks with a blinkered hope that they will turn themselves around.  And yet I used the same fail-safe formula that I used back in 2003(?) to get myself to the top of the league (just being pipped at the post in the last few weeks).  What is going wrong?
So here is the fire ’em and hire ’em line-up:
Old Squad:
GK    108   P Robinson  GK    BUR  (OUT)
FB    170   P Souare    FB    CP   (OUT)
FB    171   J Ward      FB    CP   (OUT)
CB    267   R Klavan    CB    LIV  (OUT)
CB    241   M Keane     CB    BUR  (OUT)
MF    413   F Delph     MF    MC   (OUT)
MF    397   R Mahrez    MF    LEI  (COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY, BOY)
MF    517   G Tore      MF    WH   (OUT)
MF    411   K Stewart   MF    LIV  (OUT)
ST    552   L Ulloa     ST    LEI  (OUT)
ST    559   W Bony      ST    MC   (OUT)
New  Squad:
GK    110   T Courtois  GK    CHE  (IN)
FB    222   K Walker    FB    TOT  (IN)
FB    166   C Azpili..  FB    CHE  (IN)
CB    310   G McAuley   CB    WBA  (IN)
CB    279   E Bailly    CB    MU   (IN)
MF    403   R Firmino   MF    LIV  (IN)
MF    397   R Mahrez    MF    LEI
MF    494   E Capoue    MF    WAT  (IN)
MF    411   K Stewart   MF    LIV  (IN)
ST    523   A Sanchez   ST    ARS  (IN)
ST    565   Z Ibrah..   ST    MU (IN)
I want them all ready and ship shape for Saturday week (is that right?).
May the force be wiv ‘em.
Chris

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Absolutely, they'll be playing for you from Monday onwards in fact.

=============================

Bourneslippy
-------------------
   From: Karyn Meaden-Pratt
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Goddang it!

Goddang it!
Please would you be so kind as to replace Bourneslippy’s Mr Bump (Coutinho) with Mr Rush (Pedro). Such was Mr Bump’s excitement at being transferred in to the team, he tried to hug his friend, fell over and right royally messed it all up. Silly Mr Bump.
Thank you
xxx

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Oh you've got to laugh haven't you?

=============================

Inter Milandrover
-------------------
   From: Smasher
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: What is Aguero doing?

In  
538 Costa

Out 
ST Aguero

Can feel my title chances slipping away.

----------------------
Chairman responds:
They've been slipping away ever since your first transfer, mush.

=============================

Moobchester United
-------------------
   From: Jon King
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Transfer


Hello mr chairman.
Time to get rid of that dirty Man City player and bring in the very clean mr costa...
Out: aguero (558)
In: costa (538)

Regards,
Jon

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Understood.  And executed. The transfer, not the Karate Kid [Aguero].

=============================

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