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| Marathon though, yeah? |
He may look like an aged traditionalist in his tweed waistcoat, spinning bow-tie and flat cap. And as you look at Him now, shaking your head in weary resignation, He precariously lifts, shifts and leans a bulbous buttock upon a worryingly creaky hunting stick, audibly protesting the upholding of his corporeal volume. You simply can't quite believe that he's changing everything.
What do we mean by that?
The rules. That's what we mean.
Eh?
What? Them things what we 'av been 'avvin to adhere to for the past 20 odd years?
Yes, them things.
GONE are Full Backs and Centre Backs.
GONE are simple 3, 2, 1, -1 point scoring values.
Please mop that perspiration from your crinkled brow, it doesn't suit you.
For this season we shall be having "Defenders". Not Full Backs and Centre Backs. And you'll need four of them.
Thanks to Brexit, a hard Brexit at that, OMG Chairman has relented and reduced the prices of the players in general, a short-sighted global economic policy you'll agree, but there we have it, it's not real money and we'll do anything to distract ourselves away from the real world of rising prices, reduced opportunity and meaningless soundbites. The world is a little less gloomy because we say it is.
So you have £50 million. Points are awarded for appearances, clean sheets, penalty saves and goals while points are taken away for red cards, penalty misses and own goals. It's all in the Rules if you care to have a browse. But don't worry, The Chairman Is [Still] Always Right.
Use the new modified SelectYourTeam spreadsheet to help you, um, select your team. Don't forget to give it an hilariously clever name. You'll be judged harshly if you don't.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is that.
Isn't it?
We start scoring after the international break.
GO!
