Week 14 & 15: Another Year

Another year older, another year cantankerouser. Yes, a new word there for a new birthday for the not so new Mr Mike Smears.  Double congratulations go to the aged Manager of Irishpool, not only for his umpteenth birthday but also for his jump over the 100 point mark.  Careful of that back, Sir.

Congratulations also go to the not so old and very much youthful Sarah Bielby.  This little good-time minx, and much respected wife of current leader Russ, fish-netted a marvellous 14 points for the week - her Johnny's Heroes winning another Manager of the Week certificate for their leggy stunner of a manager.

And while you're wondering why we'd want to squeeze yet another paragraph of nonsense into this once renowned regular missive when there really isn't that much to talk about this week, we'll gently hint at the OFFL Cup first round.  League positions at the end of Week 17 will be used to determine seedings. Then the scores over the Christmas period will be used to determine who goes through to the knockout stages.  And the prize this year?

Well wouldn't YOU like to know?

[Voice continues in muffled mumblings amongst the jumbled junk of the loft]

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8  6 136

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  3 130

 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  6 127

 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  8 121

 5 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  9 113

 6 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  7 111

 7 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.7  8 111

 8 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  7 111

 9 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6  8 109

10 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 14 103

Week 13: Did What Rovers?

Much sought after

We have a manager amongst us who likes bags.  He collects them, in fact. Every once in a while he spots a special one that takes his fancy and launches himself into a highly focussed campaign to achieve possession.  According to bag-collecting folklore, there is one bag that is pursued above all others.  A bag that ranks highest over all other bags.

It is made of hessian, smells slightly of damp earth and is a thing of 'real beauty'. A unique cloth-like container of things.  Bag enthusiast, Edgar Rayner, finally treated himself to it.

Yes, after a string of very poor results last week and, more importantly, a mild mannered gloat from a former colleague with siemens all over her email signature, the Didcot Rovers' manager treated himself to a new addition for his collection.

He gave himself The Sack.

And if you think that was far too elaborate a set up for such a disappointing punch line then just think about this to distract yourself... Edgar Rayner's transfer policies over the past few seasons have left him with no choice but to relieve himself.

Of his duties.

If it's any consolation, the aforementioned former gloating colleague, Rachel Jones, has herself plopped down the league, falling three places with her Which Team.

It's not is it?

Meanwhile, Manager of the Week is Rick Beecroft, earning his TBOYS 20 points and consolidating their third place in the league.  They're catching up the two teams who are currently taking it in turns to enjoy the number one spot - Russ Bielby's Livercoolio overtakes Malcolmyouplaysobadly up there once more.

Worthy of mention too is late-arriving Niel's Diamonds: finally off the bottom of the table and clawing through the lower of the low-achieving teams. Only a gap of 87 points to catch up, eh?


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 19 130
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 13 127
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0 20 121
 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6 16 113
 5 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 12 104
 6 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 17 104
 7 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  5 104
 8 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.7 11 103
 9 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2 13 101
10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 12  99

Week 12: Snicked it

Ash Keeler Goes Large this week

It's A Snickers has skilfully developed an enviable record of consistency over the last few years.  Yes, it's one of abject underachievement and disastrous manoeuvring in the transfer market but it is consistent. Manager Ash Keeler, currently scouting for boys in Australia [for his "youth academy"], has never asked much from life, ignoring the beard trimmer he got last Christmas.  But this week, it seems his desire for success has been tickled.  A fortuitous week has seen his Snickers kick and nick the pick of the week's points.

Tick.

17 points earns Mr Keeler the Manager of the Week Certificate for Week 12.  Congratulations to him.  His team have moved up two places into nineteenth.  May the push for the title gather momentum.

It's going to need it.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 15 114
 2 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 11 111
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  9 101
 4 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 14  99
 5 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  6  98
 6 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 14  92
 7 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  4  92
 8 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2  1  88
 9 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 10  87
10 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  8  87

Week 11: Eight teams worse off

This season, we're eight teams worse off

And with the passing of Week 11 we find ourselves with a team on the 100 point mark.  Congratulations to our new leader, Russ Bielby and his Livercoolio.

Interestingly, at this stage of the season last year, 8 teams would have been ahead of Mr Bielby.  Yes, eight.

Eight.

14 points for the Pyeators sees this week's Manager of the Week Certificate go the way of the Dave [Clayton].  Congratulations Mr Clayton, this shoves you up three places into fifth with all your transfers still intact.

Scarily promising then.

In the meantime, we see Russ Bielby also claim Manager of the Month for October with his colleague, Rick Beecroft, only down in second due to a Points per Pound [PpP] valuation that doesn't really hold up to scrutiny when transfers are taken into account over the month so let's leave it there shall we lah-di-dah and all that innit.

Standings for the month of October.

   Team                         ££.£   Pts
------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                  54.8    45
 2 RS-TBOY                      55.0    45
 3 Not In Your Mum's Forest     54.7    42
 4 Blet Satters Mad Hatters     54.6    35
 5 Malcolmyouplaysobadly        54.8    35
 6 Pyeators                     55.0    35
 7 Johnny's Heroes              54.9    33
 8 Irishpool                    54.4    29
 9 Inter Milandrover            54.6    29
10 Which Team                   55.0    26

Week 09 & 10: Whingers and Losers

Wholly Moses

After watching Swansea Manager, Gary Monk, have a pop at both the match referee and a certain Stoke City player 'who brought back the tablets from Mount Sinai [allegedly] three and a half thousand years back', Studmarks HQ are reminded that there's a time and a place for a bloody good moan.

For Sarah Bingham, the time is not now and the place is not here.  She is this week's Manager of the Week.  Congratulations.  Her Not In Your Mum's Forest scored a flourishingly fecund 24 points - and that was without Sergio Aguero in her team.

This score also makes Ms Bingham the Highest Climber this week.  Indeed, breathtakingly whizzing past each other in the table is she and lowest descender Alex Blundell.  Proof that, and as is always the case, when goals are scored by one team they are, sadly, also conceded by the other.  In this case, the week's Premiership results have elevated Ms Bingbong up seven places and demoted Mr Blunbong seven places.

If the Chairman's personal call log is anything to go by, Mr Blundell has been desperately trying to get through to submit some verbal transfer requests in the hope of arresting his team's decline.  Too bad OMG Chairman has so many so many of his own Press Conferences to attend.  Either that or the Moanchester Manager just wants a bloody good moan.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 19  91

 2 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 19  89

 3 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  7  83

 4 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0 19  83

 5 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 10  80

 6 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2 -1  78

 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 24  76

 8 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  7  74

 9 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4 12  72

10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 14  68