Week 17: OFFL Cup First Round

Two examples of an inclination.

While Our Most Gracious Chairman considers another Christmas of inadequate present-giving and lonely hangovers, yet another Manager of the Week certificate flies up to Sarah Bielby.  Her Johnny's Heroes not only pooper-scooped 23 points this week but also scrambled up a steep four place gradient in the league.

Meanwhile, tumbling down that same gradient, plummeting five places - lowest faller for quite some time - is Inter Milandrover.  It's probably appropriate now to observe a minute's silence but we simply don't have the time.

Nor the inclination.

Russell Bielby increases his lead at the top of the table by 3 points.

Yes.  We HAVE all had enough of The Bielbys by now.

Not so Awesome Athletic *snigger*, 2 points.

The OFFL Cup

Group Stages, to be played over the Christmas period

Group A                       Value
  Livercoolio                   55.0
  Inter Milandrover             54.6
  It's A Snickers               54.9

Group B
  Malcolmyouplaysobadly         54.8
  Blet Satters Mad Hatters      54.6
  Real Mcdrid                   54.8

Group C
  RS-TBOY                       55.0
  Irishpool                     54.8
  A Bit Temperamintal           55.0

Group D
  Which Team                    55.0
  Pyeators                      55.0
  Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil          50.0

Group E
  Johnny's Heroes               54.9
  Moanchester Disunited         52.1
  Didcot Rovers                 55.0

Group F
  Not In Your Mum's Forest      54.7
  The Flying Geese              54.2
  Neil's Diamonds               54.1

Group G
  Botley Yellow                 51.7
  Couldn't be Hyppia            54.6
  Awesome Athletic              50.2

Group H
  Radnorshire Tigers            52.6
  Moobchester United            51.7
  Pedro's Plodders              46.7
 
Bottom placed teams get knocked out.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 21 162
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 18 154
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0 20 153
 4 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 17 138
 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 23 136
 6 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 13 134
 7 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 13 132
 8 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6 14 131
 9 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  5 129
10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 20 127

Week 16: A Bit TemperaBental

Bent: hard of hearing

Ironic that as soon as her star striker, Darren Bent, leaves the Premiership for the Championship [scoring the opener for his new team, as it happens] then the rest of her team perk up, put in a performance and pull in enough points to win a Manager of the Week Certificate for Ms Minty Colquhoun.  Yes, Minty, you ARE this week's Manager of the Week - Congratulations.  Indeed, A Bit Temperamintal snaffled 16 points from a week that saw Our Leaders take just 5.  The 'Mintals climb two places.

Now it's time to look at the newly monikered 'Team of the Month for November' table.  Astonishingly, Nick Reed's Couldn't Be Hyppia have had the best month with 49 points, begging the question "Why currently only fifteenth?".

The next month may well provide an answer.

Team of the Month for November

 Lge
 Pos Team                          £m    Nov
 -------------------------------------------
  15 Couldn't be Hyppia           54.6    49
  10 Johnny's Heroes              54.9    46
   5 Not In Your Mum's Forest     54.7    42
   7 Botley Yellow                51.7    41
   1 Livercoolio                  54.8    41
   3 RS-TBOY                      55.0    41
  22 Neil's Diamonds              54.1    40
  18 It's A Snickers              54.9    38
   2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly        54.8    37
  14 The Flying Geese             54.7    36
   6 Which Team                   55.0    36
  17 A Bit Temperamintal          55.0    36
   9 Irishpool                    54.8    34
   4 Inter Milandrover            54.6    33
   8 Radnorshire Tigers           52.6    30
  12 Blet Satters Mad Hatters     54.6    30
  13 Moanchester Disunited        52.1    28
  11 Pyeators                     55.0    25
  16 Moobchester United           51.7    19
  21 Didcot Rovers                55.0    19
  20 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil         48.9    18
  19 Real Mcdrid                  54.8    17
  23 Awesome Athletic             50.2    14
  24 Pedro's Plodders             46.7     3

...and finally

The OFFL Cup

By the end of next week your team's league position will determine which qualifying mini-group you'll be in.  Each mini-group will consist of three teams.  The team that ends up bottom of their group [using the scores taken from over the Christmas Period] will be eliminated from the competition.

Group A will be made up of the teams who rest in 1st, 9th and 17th
Group B will be made up of the teams who rest in 2nd, 10th and 18th... etc

Even Pedro's Plodders should be able to work that one out.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8  5 141

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  6 136

 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  6 133

 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  3 124

 5 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  8 121

 6 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 10 121

 7 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  8 119

 8 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6  8 117

 9 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4 12 113

10 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.7  2 113

Week 14 & 15: Another Year

Another year older, another year cantankerouser. Yes, a new word there for a new birthday for the not so new Mr Mike Smears.  Double congratulations go to the aged Manager of Irishpool, not only for his umpteenth birthday but also for his jump over the 100 point mark.  Careful of that back, Sir.

Congratulations also go to the not so old and very much youthful Sarah Bielby.  This little good-time minx, and much respected wife of current leader Russ, fish-netted a marvellous 14 points for the week - her Johnny's Heroes winning another Manager of the Week certificate for their leggy stunner of a manager.

And while you're wondering why we'd want to squeeze yet another paragraph of nonsense into this once renowned regular missive when there really isn't that much to talk about this week, we'll gently hint at the OFFL Cup first round.  League positions at the end of Week 17 will be used to determine seedings. Then the scores over the Christmas period will be used to determine who goes through to the knockout stages.  And the prize this year?

Well wouldn't YOU like to know?

[Voice continues in muffled mumblings amongst the jumbled junk of the loft]

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8  6 136

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  3 130

 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  6 127

 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  8 121

 5 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  9 113

 6 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  7 111

 7 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.7  8 111

 8 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  7 111

 9 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6  8 109

10 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 14 103

Week 13: Did What Rovers?

Much sought after

We have a manager amongst us who likes bags.  He collects them, in fact. Every once in a while he spots a special one that takes his fancy and launches himself into a highly focussed campaign to achieve possession.  According to bag-collecting folklore, there is one bag that is pursued above all others.  A bag that ranks highest over all other bags.

It is made of hessian, smells slightly of damp earth and is a thing of 'real beauty'. A unique cloth-like container of things.  Bag enthusiast, Edgar Rayner, finally treated himself to it.

Yes, after a string of very poor results last week and, more importantly, a mild mannered gloat from a former colleague with siemens all over her email signature, the Didcot Rovers' manager treated himself to a new addition for his collection.

He gave himself The Sack.

And if you think that was far too elaborate a set up for such a disappointing punch line then just think about this to distract yourself... Edgar Rayner's transfer policies over the past few seasons have left him with no choice but to relieve himself.

Of his duties.

If it's any consolation, the aforementioned former gloating colleague, Rachel Jones, has herself plopped down the league, falling three places with her Which Team.

It's not is it?

Meanwhile, Manager of the Week is Rick Beecroft, earning his TBOYS 20 points and consolidating their third place in the league.  They're catching up the two teams who are currently taking it in turns to enjoy the number one spot - Russ Bielby's Livercoolio overtakes Malcolmyouplaysobadly up there once more.

Worthy of mention too is late-arriving Niel's Diamonds: finally off the bottom of the table and clawing through the lower of the low-achieving teams. Only a gap of 87 points to catch up, eh?


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 19 130
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 13 127
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0 20 121
 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6 16 113
 5 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 12 104
 6 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 17 104
 7 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  5 104
 8 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.7 11 103
 9 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2 13 101
10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 12  99

Week 12: Snicked it

Ash Keeler Goes Large this week

It's A Snickers has skilfully developed an enviable record of consistency over the last few years.  Yes, it's one of abject underachievement and disastrous manoeuvring in the transfer market but it is consistent. Manager Ash Keeler, currently scouting for boys in Australia [for his "youth academy"], has never asked much from life, ignoring the beard trimmer he got last Christmas.  But this week, it seems his desire for success has been tickled.  A fortuitous week has seen his Snickers kick and nick the pick of the week's points.

Tick.

17 points earns Mr Keeler the Manager of the Week Certificate for Week 12.  Congratulations to him.  His team have moved up two places into nineteenth.  May the push for the title gather momentum.

It's going to need it.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 15 114
 2 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 11 111
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  9 101
 4 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 14  99
 5 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  6  98
 6 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 14  92
 7 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  4  92
 8 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2  1  88
 9 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 10  87
10 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  8  87