Week 37: OFFL Cup Semi-Finals Draw

The Wet Fish-Slap of Reality
  

It's that time of the year when Our Most Gracious Chairman has been too busy checking his MySpace profile and forgets that the season might be running out of weeks.  The usual flailing arms and panicked head-scratching would indicate that He's forgotten to schedule the OFFL Cup within enough weeks to play it.

So this year [if you can imagine it] OMG Chairman was flicking the doughnut crumbs off his continually ballooning belly, and about to plunge into a beautiful snooze, when the wet fish of reality slapped him harshly across the face.  Convulsing with panic, he vaulted into the green leather chair of his bureaux followed by the dragging of a chubby little finger down a column of dates in his Danii Minogue calendar while his tongue apprehensively clings to the outside of his upper lip.

"Ah," he thinks with relief "that could have been embarrassing"

The moment passes and he mops his brow with a polka dot hankie.

And thus...

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OFFL Cup
========
Semi-Finals, to be played over Week 39

           RS-TBOY v Inter Milandrover
     Rick Beecroft   Smasher

Dowds Farm Goblins v Moreton Rovers
      Nick Borrett   Edgar Rayner


Meanwhile, the Manager of the Week certificate goes to Stanley and Kate Wilson for skippering their Epic Yellowz to a chunky 11 points, boosting themselves up one place into Seventh.  They are 34 points off the top.  Couple of Winston Reid hat-tricks and they'll be right back in it.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       54.8  9 371
 2 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.7  9 362
 3 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         54.8  3 358
 4 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       54.8  3 356
 5 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         55.0  8 345
 6 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           54.2  6 344
 7 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.0 11 337
 8 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        55.0  0 334
 9 Radnorshire Tigers   Alun Edwards         53.3  8 326
10 Absolutely Fabregas  Sarah Bingham        55.0  9 325

Week 36: OFFL Cup Quarter-Final Results

Mike Smears is only just in the Top Ten

Bit of a shuffle at the top this week with Dave Clayton's long-time leaders, Pyeators, slipping down yet another place in the League. Current leaders Neil's Diamonds continue for another week at the top with a increased lead of 7 points.  Bielby's Livercoolio fall to Fourth, a few steps away from the dream of winning a third OFFL title in four years.

Manager of the Week, distressingly for all of us, is the decrepitly aged and calculatingly cantankerous Mike Smears.  His Irishpool pulled in a dastardly brilliant 18 points to push themselves up seven places into Ninth. A walking stick's ferrule away from being outside the top ten.

Meanwhile...

========
OFFL Cup
--------
QUARTER FINALS, RESULTS
Week 36

             RS-TBOY  7 v  6 Moobchester United
       Rick Beecroft         Jon King

    Starpratt Mustgo 10 v 11 Moreton Rovers
Malcolm Meaden-Pratt         Edgar Rayner
  
   Inter Milandrover 15 v  1 The Flying Geese
             Smasher         Mandy Noble

         Shutdown FC  9 v 12 Dowds Farm Goblins
            Sam Reed         Nick Borrett

Edgar Rayner mops his brow in relief as he and his Moreton Rovers cannot believe their luck.  They made it through to these quarter-finals by a Points per Pound decision after drawing with Guess Hughton and they've now made it through to the Semi-Finals after squeezing past Big Mally's enormous personality by one point.

Alas, the OFFL's attempted gender indifference has taken a bit of a knock with the last League Lady limping loo-wards with a loose lash lodged in an eyelid.  NOT crying. Indeed, Mandy Noble's Flying Geese loses out to Inter Milandrover's seemingly rudderless ship.

Meanwhile, Manboy Beeky von Beecroft also can't believe his luck as his RS-TBOY awkwardly push past the Moobs with one point to spare and eleven transfers spare to, surely, smooth the path to OFFL Cup glory.  Surely.  No, come on... SURELY.

You're all very lovely.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       54.8 14 362
 2 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         54.8 12 355
 3 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.7 15 353
 4 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       54.8  9 353
 5 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           54.2  6 338
 6 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         55.0  1 337
 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        55.0  7 334
 8 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.0  4 326
 9 Irishpool            Mike Smears          54.2 18 319
10 Radnorshire Tigers   Alun Edwards         53.3 11 318

Week 35: Open Wide

The Race for the Title:  Wide Open.

Neil McConaghy has just blown the title race wide open.  Which sounds a bit dramatic, we know, but there you have it.  What would YOU do if you had to write this tedious drivel every week?

23 points pushes Neil's Diamonds into top spot with Dowds Farm Goblins keeping up with the pace and sneaking into Third after scoring an even more impressive 25 points.

Manager of the Week, however and with a bulgingly fecund score of 36 points, is one Alex Blundell.

There is only one Alex Blundell.

His Moanchester United rocket up, past the 300-point mark, into Twelfth.

Meanwhile, from 1730hrs Monday 10th April 2017, the OFFL Cup Quarter Finals are in play.

So, who's zooming who?

========
OFFL Cup
--------
QUARTER FINALS, to be played over Week 36

             RS-TBOY v Moobchester United
       Rick Beecroft   Jon King

    Starpratt Mustgo v Moreton Rovers
Malcolm Meaden-Pratt   Edgar Rayner
  
   Inter Milandrover v The Flying Geese
             Smasher   Mandy Noble

         Shutdown FC v Dowds Farm Goblins
            Sam Reed   Nick Borrett

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       54.8 23 348
 2 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       54.8  9 344
 3 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         54.9 25 343
 4 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.7 13 338
 5 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         55.0 10 336
 6 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           54.2 24 332
 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        55.0 21 327
 8 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.0 23 322
 9 Absolutely Fabregas  Sarah Bingham        55.0 27 313
10 Moobchester United   Jon King             54.7 11 312

Week 33 & 34: OFFL Cup Quarter Finals Draw

Craig McHugh McScrimgeour becomes Manager of the Week this week as his Game of Throw Ins smack up a nice little 20 pointage piece which lifts themselves up five places into Fourteenth.

Meanwhile, at the top of the table The Jostle continues cutting a dash on the dancefloor with the perturbably flappable participants Bielby, Clayton, Smasher and now McConaghy all linking arms and high-kicking for the top spot.  Though, currently looking a little weary, and as if he's about to make an excuse about going to the bar to have a sit down, is Smasher who has become the first Manager this season to use up all his transfers.  

As if that's an achievement.

Shall we have another cup round?


Yes.

========
OFFL Cup
--------
QUARTER FINALS, to be played over Week 36

             RS-TBOY v Moobchester United
       Rick Beecroft   Jon King

    Starpratt Mustgo v Moreton Rovers
Malcolm Meaden-Pratt   Edgar Rayner
  
   Inter Milandrover v The Flying Geese
             Smasher   Mandy Noble

         Shutdown FC v Dowds Farm Goblins
            Sam Reed   Nick Borrett

Get your transfers in NOW [if you have any left]


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                 Manager             (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       54.8  4 335
 2 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         55.0  3 326
 3 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.7 -3 325
 4 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       55.0 14 325
 5 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         54.9  3 318
 6 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           54.2  3 308
 7 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        55.0 10 306
 8 Moobchester United   Jon King             54.7  5 301
 9 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.0  7 299
10 Starpratt Mustgo     Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 55.0  7 296