Week 02: The King Rules

Beecroft after Week 1's results

Again, the OFFL Table's top spot is accompanied by the Manager of the Week certificate.  Indeed, this week it's the former BBC Presenter, music impresario and old bugger [convicted] Jonathan King.  Currently out on bail until October, King has elevated his Moobs into top spot with a score of 22 points.

And while we, here at Studmarks, pat ourselves smugly on the back for hauling out the same old inappropriate Jon/Jonathan King references, the actual Jon King (OFFL Manager, former Emsworthian and accountant at the Kenwood Corporation) snortingly rolls his eyes while quietly toeing the unopened Notice of Intended Prosecution envelope under the sideboard.

Firmly in Jon's managerial shadow is the moanful Alex Blundell and his Moanchester United.  Mr Blundell, whose convictions for indecent assault remain undisclosed, hasn't been this high in the table since his Rufuscester took the title in 1997.

Heady days indeed.

And while we're on the subject of ancient history never to be repeated, we also welcome back 1996's OFFL Champions, Sheep City.  Yes, Manager Martyn Field returns to top flight Fantasy Football after years of self-banishment.

So what happened to last week's table toppers, Johnny's Heroes? They fell, screaming as they passed you, down six places into Seventh, that's what.  More shocking however, is the fact that Mrs Bielby's husband, Mr Bielby, has already submitted a couple of transfers!  And Russell wasn't even the first manager to make an unreasonably panicky change this season. That prize goes to his colleague Rick Beecroft.

Indeed, Week One had barely thlopped its electronic weight onto your email doormat when Beecroft, hyperventilating into a brown bag and stabbing incoherently at the Players List, pinged back a request to change Ramsey for Mane.  It seems those Real Sense boys are already jostling for position.

Our lowest faller is Sarah Bingham's Absolutely Fabregas who plummeted nine places.  Conversely, our highest climbers (up eight places each) are RS-TBOY and Radnorshire Tigers.

So, we've definitely started then.

T h e   T a b l e

                                             Value Points

   Team                 Manager             (GBPm) Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Moobchester United   Jon King             54.4 22  30

 2 Moanchester United   Alex Blundell        54.9 19  28

 3 Inter Milandrover    Smasher              54.9 16  27

 4 Guess Hughton        Nick Reed            54.3 18  23

 5 Game Of Throw Ins    Craig McHugh         54.9 12  23

 6 Moreton Rovers       Edgar Rayner         55.0 17  22

 7 Johnny's Heroes      Sarah Bielby         54.6  5  19

 8 RS-TBOY              Rick Beecroft        54.8 15  19

 9 Radnorshire Tigers   Alun Edwards         52.4 16  18

10 Shutdown FC          Sam Reed             54.4 14  18

11 Roll all the dice FC Gavin Ward           55.0 13  18

12 Livercoolio          Russell Bielby       55.0  9  18

13 Absolutely Fabregas  Sarah Bingham        54.8  8  17

14 Crystal Phallus      Guy Salter           54.1  8  16

15 Dowds Farm Goblins   Nick Borrett         55.0  9  16

16 Epic Yellowz         Stanley/Kate Wilson  54.8  9  15

17 It's A Snickers      Ashley Keeler        54.9 14  14

18 Ali McMoist          Ali Larking          46.8 13  13

19 Toby's Gang          Toby Larking         55.0 13  13

20 Big Girl's Blouses   Guy Harewood         54.6 12  12

21 Minty's Minions      Minty Colquhoun      55.0 12  12

22 Neil's Diamonds      Neil McConaghy       55.0 11  11

23 Pyeators             Dave Clayton         54.6  4   8

24 Bourneslippy         Karyn Meaden-Pratt   54.7  7   7

25 Obi Wan Kenobi Nil   Chris Walsh          46.1  4   5

26 Starpratt Mustgo     Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 55.0  2   2

27 Sheep City           Martyn Field         53.9 15   0

                        Week's Average Points         11

                        Total Average Points          15

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