Week 14 & 15: Striking Couples

They can't get enough of each other.

Well, every once in a while you get a strange week.  And this week seems to have been just that.  Strange.  While the pundit world has been talking about joyful striking partnerships and how much Sturridge digs Suarez's unnecessary wrist-kissing, or Aguero enjoys holding hands with Negredo during a match or Van Persil likes looking lustfully into Wooney's eyes across the six yard box, OFFL managers have been forgetting about their defences.

Thanks to this defensive yang to the goalscoring yin we see that seven teams have scored zero or fewer points this week.  In fact, none of the top eight teams scored higher than a Len Goodman "seVENN!" points.

Manager of the Week this week, by the way, is Dave Clayton.  His Pyeators II notched up 16 points, 20 points more than the worst performing teams, moving the 'Eators up four places in the league. Mr Clayton has seen the error of his ways and has now made a change.  Meanwhile former League leader, Birthday Girl and Darren Bent Groupie, Minty Colquhoun, celebrated her birth anniversary by scoring 1 point.  Could have been worse.  Couldn't it Messers Edwards, Rayner and Harewood?  -4, eh? Oof.

Yup.  Strange week that one.  Strange.

Carry on.


9th December sees the release of the new Loopy Album, Booster8.  Why not make your way to facebook.com/LoopyTheBand or follow the band @LoopyTheBand.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   54.2  1 156
 2 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0  7 156
 3 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9  5 151
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         52.9  0 148
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 -4 145
 6 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 -4 132
 7 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6  7 125
 8 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.2  1 123
 9 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 11 121
10 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.1 13 120

Week 13: Lauding it

Guy Harewood lauding it over the rest of the league.
[If you don't include the actual leaders, of course]

Guy Harewood claims his second Manager of the Week certificate of the season after seeing his Woolyback Returns zip up into second place with a 24-point haul.  Big Malcolm Tweak pratts his team after seeing them fall three places into fifth and Fattered Tanj's lead is shrinking again - now down to just 6 points.  Sarah Bielby's Johnny's Heroes climb highest by elevating themselves five places into fifteenth (after crossing the 100 point mark) and everyone look at Ash Keeler.  Everyone!  Stare at his shame.  -3 points.

No matches for this coming week so chat amongst yourselves for a bit, won't you?

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   54.2 12 155
 2 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 24 149
 3 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 16 149
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         52.9 20 148
 5 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 10 146
 6 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 16 136
 7 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5  6 122
 8 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6  9 118
 9 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 15 115
10 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.6 13 111

Week 12: The Ugly Truth

His Mum loves him

The ugly truth of it is that, unlike Brian Clough leaving Nottingham Forest, Alex Ferguson has left Manchester United at precisely the right time.  In doing so, he also left a right mess for the ever-so handsome David Moyes to clean up.  

Where most OFFL managers spotted the fragile defensive frailties in the current Premiership Champions before they picked their teams, others did not.  The more prescient people plumped for the usual alternatives - a Chelsea defender here, a Liverpool goalkeeper there - and overlooked Southampton's sturdy offering at the back.  Until now.

While OFFL common sense suggests it's only a matter of time before a South Coast thrashing comes along and Ruins It All, more transfers for Saints players come in.  When the inevitable calamitous goalfest occurs it should be comforting to return to the ever-improving face of David Moyes and mutter to oneself... "at least I never looked like THAT!"*

In the meantime, two managers share the Manager of the Week Certificate and it's the names of 'Bingham, Sarah' and 'Pratt, Malcolm' that get clumsily embossed on the cheaply framed card this week. Both teams scored a mighty 26 points giving the managers places one and two in the league.

Falling furthest [five places] and needing to pull his socks up in the transfer market is Ash Keeler with his It's a Snickers.  Shocking.

*David Moyes never really looked 'like that'. It's been a little bit photoshopped in time for Halloween.  And I mean 'little bit' - he was no David Beckham.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   54.2 26 143
 2 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 26 136
 3 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 18 133
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         52.9 19 128
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 17 125
 6 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 14 120
 7 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5  9 116
 8 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6  8 109
 9 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 10 102
10 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  9 100

Week 11: Messiah Merry-Go-Round

He wanted to be a goalie

Winning two Championships on the trot would lead some lesser beings to develop an ego the size of a Gareth Bale weekly pay packet. But Inter Milandrover's manager didn't smugly rest on his laurels over the Summer, oh no.  Instead, he turned to Jesus [Navas].  It's surprising to see this week, therefore, that faith in Jesus has been lost so soon into the season as Smasher relieves Him of his duties.  Indeed, after plummeting to fourth spot in the table, Inter Milandrover have brought in the more reliable services of Arsenal's Sir Alf Ramsay - such is the way of the Messiah Merry-Go-Round of the Footballing world these days.

A Ramsey, the new
saviour on the block

Meanwhile, Mr Bielby slaps in a magnificent 27 points for the Manager of the Week Certificate this week - his Livercoolio benefiting from a Suarez hatrick and a goal + assist from Van Persil Automatic. Livercoolio move up five places into second and only just miss out on the top spot.  That honour has been secured with 2 points by the bingtastic Sarah Bingham's Fattered Tanj.

Also of note - we've seen the top 8 fantasy teams all cruise past the 100 point mark with Botley Yellow managing to get a positive score for their Kate Wilson.

OFFL Cup coming soon!

[As is Loopy's latest 8-track emission, "Booster8" - we'll keep you informed of that momentous event, of course we will, we will to be sure, yes, we will.]

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   54.2 19 117
 2 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 27 115
 3 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 16 110
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 10 109
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 18 108
 6 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5 10 107
 7 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 26 106
 8 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6 13 101
 9 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 17  92
10 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  8  91

Week 09 & 10: Good Grief Gavin's Gag's Good.

Ozil: Seen here using the Force.

If you're the kind of Studmarks reader who merely scans for your own name and presses delete when its continued omission from that edition doesn't warrant any further investment of your precious time then listen up.  You, yes, you - the peruser user - you might be missing out on a corking line sent in by Manager Gavin Ward that ends his transfer request this week.  Read on, read on. And by the way, OMG Chairman has confirmed that He will not be giving any any extra points for the line.

In the meantime, here are the essentials...

Manager of the Week is the magnificently resilient Rachel Jones, thanks to her Which Team scoring 22 points for her this week.  No-one will be more shocked than Ms Jones.

Meanwhile, current Champions Inter Milandrover are on course to make it three OFFL Championships in a row by taking over top spot from Birthday Boy Neil McConaghy this week.  Indeed, Neil's Diamonds drop two places while Sarah Bingham's Fattered Tanj surge up into second, a mere one point behind the very smug manager of Inter Milandrover.

Boo!

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 19  99
 2 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   55.0 18  98
 3 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5 12  97
 4 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 19  94
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 20  90
 6 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6 20  88
 7 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 16  88
 8 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 14  83
 9 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 13  80
10 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  9  76