Second week into the new season and transfer requests have ALREADY been received.
Now, going on previous seasons' experience, some of you would doubtlessly guess that these requests are from Russell Bielby. And, indeed, you'd be be right. Russell Bielby has submitted a transfer request. But looky-ho. So have our current Champions and 15th place under-performers, Inter Milandrover.
Who says it's too early to panic?
Manager of the Week with 21 points for his Radnorshire Tigers is Alun Edwards. Congratulations, Sir. Top of the pile. Can you hold on to it longer than RST-Boy did.
Carry On.
PS
Any donations for the OFFL Cup prizes this year? The OFFL Lost Property department have nothing and we're getting pretty desperate.
T h e T a b l e Value Points Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot -------------------------------------------------------- 1 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 54.5 21 29 2 FC Maalcoma Malcolm Pratt 54.8 15 23 2 RST-BOY Rick Beecroft 54.9 12 23 4 Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 54.9 11 17 4 Double's United Rachel Jones 55.0 11 17 6 Olympilimps FC Gavin Ward 52.6 16 16 6 WWMC Steve Tierney 54.6 16 16 8 Moobchester United John King 54.7 12 14 9 Johnny's Heroes Sarah-Jane John 54.5 10 13 10 Real Mcdrid Craig McHugh 54.7 4 12 10 It's A Snickers Ashley Keeler 54.9 6 12
Our Chairman is still AT LARGE. And yes, most certainly, in more ways than one. Not only is He Out There, terrorising the Fantasyland locals outside of the law but he also remains his rotundly unthin self, wobbling from one 'social experiment' to another, braces astrain.
Which brings us onto His latest shockingly horrific carcrash of a social experiment.
Some of you may have thought that it was only a matter of time, or probability, while others have put their faith in this world not being quite That Sick. Alas, we now must treat these thoughts as potential reality. The point of this paragraph? Ah, yes, to inform the OFFL membership [you] that the sustainable legacy of the OFFL is being taken care of.
In the form of a Chairman Mini-Me.
The secret laboratory where most of the development is being carried out for this Super Umpa Lumpa is, well, secret. In fact, so controversial is this Shelleyesque nightmare that not even The Sun have been willing to break ranks with the rest of the British press sleaze and publish their usual unfounded speculative silliness.
We're sure there will more news scratching its way into your regular issue of Studmarks over the coming season. And while you're busy, either picking your team or watching your points rack up [or down] this week, why not waste more time with the following...
Any Other Business
One of our managers, Rachel, has given us this http://goo.gl/GBzIL ... pop by and sponsor her if you feel you can. She's doing it for her Ma.
Congratulations to Mr Smears who has seen his career opportunities expand exponentially after achieving an 'A' in his Spanish 'A' Level exam. If only he weren't retired. [Mrs Smears, age 26, achieved an A*. That needed to be mentioned]
T h e T a b l e Value Points Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot -------------------------------------------------------- 1 RST-BOY Rick Beecroft 54.9 11 11 2 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 54.5 8 8 2 Real Mcdrid Craig McHugh 54.7 8 8 2 FC Maalcoma Malcolm Pratt 54.8 8 8 5 Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 54.9 6 6 5 It's A Snickers Ashley Keeler 54.9 6 6 5 Double's United Rachel Jones 55.0 6 6 8 Johnny's Heroes Sarah-Jane John 54.5 3 3 9 Moobchester United John King 54.7 2 2 10 Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.8 1 1
The Office Fantasy Football League Championship Winners 2012:
Inter Milandrover, Smasher
The Office Fantasy Football League Cup Winners 2012:
BM Mingmongs, Neil McConaghy
The Office Fantasy Football League Championship Runners Up 2012:
Norma Snockers FC, Sarah Bingham
The Office Fantasy Football League Cup Runners Up 2012:
Shamone Muddy Funksters, Dave Clayton
Like a tardy blob of paint just under the coving, Norma Snockers FC had a late run and doubled Inter Milandrover's week's score. However, Inter Milandrover only just managed to hang on to win win win the OFFL Championship by a mere 3 points.
That's the gnat's whisker they're always banging on about isn't it?
Indeed it is.
After a lame Championship victory back in 2000, Inter Milandrover's Manager has been unable to add anything of note to his pointlessly capacious trophy cabinet until finally, after eleven years of retrying, he managed to lunge past Norma Snockers FC to pinch the title away from what would have been the first female winner since Clare Colwell back in year 1, nearly 20 years ago. So we, here at Studmarks, heartily congratulate both Smasher and Sarah Bingham for 'the fight to the end'.
It truly was a marathon and not a sprint.
OFFL Cup Final
Shamone Muddy Funksters 6 v 8 BM Mingmongs
2008's League Champions' Manager, Neil McConaghy, has also been coming under pressure lately for not steering his charges to any further silverware [cardboardware] for the club. Well, that pressure has largely been lifted by lifting aloft his lovely looking new OFFL Cup Winners' Prize [courtesy of Craig McHugh of Real Macdrid] the 1975 All Stars Football Book. Indeed, his BM Mingmongs only narrowly beat Dave Clayton's Muddy Funksters by 2 clear points to earn his team the OFFL Cup. Mr Clayton, however, will console himself with the coaster-I-mean-CD of Football Anthems.
Thank you to Craig McHugh, last year's OFFL Cup winner, for donating this year's prize.
Manager of the Week for the final week is Mike Smears. His Irishpool netted 11 points lifting themselves into joint twenty-third in the table. Congratulations, Sir.
Sort of.
Other issues of note should include the Manager of the Week Certificates table. Here we see that Alun Edwards, OFFL winner in 2009, romp ahead of the rest for what it's worth*, 6 certificates over the season. How, indeed, come did you not win anything?
* nothing. It's worth nothing
MANAGERS OF THE WEEK -------------------- 6 - Alun Edwards 5 - n/a 4 - n/a 3 - Adriana Chittelborough, Sarah Bingham 2 - Jirka Opatrny, Jon King, Minty Colquhoun, Neil McConaghy, Nick Reed, Russell Bielby, Shivam Mehta, Smasher, 1 - Dave Clayton, Edgar Rayner, Filip Vejdovský, Lionel Larking, Mark Weavers, Mike Smears, Neil Jukes, Rachel Jones, Rick Beecroft, Rob Ivison, Sarah-Jane John 0 - Malcolm Pratt, Martyn Field, Chris Walsh, Lester Clark, Guy Harewood, Steve Tierney, Alex Blundell, Craig McHugh, Francis Fox, Alan Betteridge, Ashley Keeler, Dan Manns, Gavin Ward
Weeks at the Top ---------------- 26 - Norma Snockers FC, Sarah Bingham 6 - Inter Milandrover, Smasher 4 - Shivam's Sneakers, Shivam Mehta 2 - Sheep City, Martyn Field
Wooden Spoon: Gavin Ward of Wardy's Wanderers. Relegated.
T r a n s f e r s a n d s t u f f -------------------------------------
Norma Snockers FC ------------------- From: Sarah Bingham To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com Subject:
One last ditch attempt at glory!!!
I WANT TO WIN!! DADDY, I WANT A SQUIRREL!!!!!
OUT 442 MF G Bale TOT IN 450 MF S Pienaar TOT
Thank you Sir! x
---------------------- Chairman responds: Erm... you're too late, I'm afraid. Deadline missed. And as I check... yes, you would have ended up on exactly the same points as Inter Milandrover. But if it's of any comfort you still would have lost on PpP. By £0.2m. Shame. No, really.
T h e T a b l e Value Points Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot -------------------------------------------------------- 1 Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.1 4 488 2 Norma Snockers FC Sarah Bingham 54.9 8 485 3 Stay Poyet Stay! Nick Reed 53.4 3 445 4 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 53.7 7 440 5 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton 54.4 6 438 6 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 53.6 5 417 6 BM Mingmongs Neil McConaghy 53.8 8 417 8 All Hail The Chairman Rob Ivison 55.0 8 402 9 ADFC Adriana Chittelboro 53.7 6 393 10 Chi'Knees Czechers Jirka Opatrny 55.0 3 392
Good grief it's tight. With a mere 7 points in it, Inter Milandrover have just one more week to secure-clasp the title from Norma Snockers FC. Cunningly, I'll say that again: cunningly, manager Smasher seems to have used up his last transfers to bring in as many of the Knockers' team as possible. But will this dastardly trick work? Only the final week will tell us. Only 7 points in it.
After the miserable performance of his favourite team in the FA Cup final on Saturday [no, it really wasn't a goal] Russ Bielby comforts himself with a thumb in his mouth [his] and a crinkly cuddle-up to his second Manager of the Week certificate of the season. His Livercoolio scored a large, large, large 30 points.
Meanwhile, Russ's friend and Real-Sense representative, the reprehensible Chwis Ralsh's Lashing of Cheese jumps into the top half of the table by climbing five places into fifteenth. Nice one.
And so, what have we here...?
--- The OFFL Cup FINAL
Shamone Muddy Funksters v BM Mingmongs Dave Clayton Neil McConaghy
These two teams are 5th and 7th respectively and only have three players in common. G Bale TOT, R Van Persie ARS and S Aguero MC.
So, these are the players battling it out, position for position.
Shamone Muddy Funksters Lge Pos: 5 BM Mingmongs Lge Pos: 7 Dave Clayton Points Neil McConaghy Points ---------------------------Val New ---------------------Val New PIN Pos Name Team (M) Total PIN Pos Name Team (M) Total ------------------------------------- ------------------------------ 110 GK P Cech CHE 4.8 6 v 119 GK J Reina LIV 4.2 14 187 FB D Simpson NEW 3.3 0 v 185 FB J Enriqu NEW 3.4 11 148 FB B Sagna ARS 4.3 0 v 182 FB P Evra MU 5.2 50 288 CB G Caldwell WIG 3.2 0 v 230 CB G Cahill BOL 3.5 11 247 CB V Kompany MC 4.5 53 v 237 CB P Jagiel EVE 3.9 25 586 MF J Mata CHE 4.8 11 v 374 MF D Silva MC 4.9 24 452 MF R Van der Vaart TOT 5.8 45 v 298 MF S Nasri ARS 5.2 35 350 MF C Dempsey FUL 4.4 60 v 453 MF C Brunt WBA 4.2 20
One of you will be taking home the 1975 All Stars Football Book. One of you, the Anthems.
The rest, you leave with nothing.
*ginger wink*
T h e T a b l e Value Points Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot -------------------------------------------------------- 1 Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.1 23 484 2 Norma Snockers FC Sarah Bingham 54.9 22 477 3 Stay Poyet Stay! Nick Reed 53.4 24 442 4 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 53.7 1 433 5 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton 53.8 29 432 6 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 53.6 30 412 7 BM Mingmongs Neil McConaghy 53.8 23 409 8 All Hail The Chairman Rob Ivison 55.0 13 394 9 Chi'Knees Czechers Jirka Opatrny 55.0 21 389 10 ADFC Adriana Chittelboro 53.7 6 387
We have a FINAL! In fact we have a thrilling end to the season altogether. No, seriously, we do.
First here's the cup...
============================ OFFL Cup Semi Finals RESULTS ----------------------------
Radnorshire Tigers 8 v 9 Shamone Muddy Funksters Lashings of Cheese 6 v 14 BM Mingmongs
It's a cruel game when Alun Edwards, with so many Manager of the Week certificates stuffed in his underpants, will [in all probability] walk away from the season with NOTHING to show for it. Congratulations though to Dave Clayton of the Muddy Funksters and 2008 League Champion Neil McConaghy of BM Mingmongs who both go through to this year's final.
Talking of Manager of the Week Certificates, this week's has gone to Russell Bielby. His Livercoolio scored a wopping 20 points throwing him up into seventh. Meanwhile at the top is Smasher's Inter Milandrover wrestling with Sarah Bingbong's Norma Snockers. It's a challenge he seems to have been enjoying despite seeing a 4 point cut in his lead over her. No, Francis, not the lead worn by her.
So, with only two weeks of Premiership nonsense still remaining it seems like a canny management ploy for Smasher to transfer in two of Sarah's players. Or is that a cynical move designed to suffocate the league's diversity?
The Chairman's keeping quiet... and waiting to receive Norma's last changes.
What a SEASON!
T h e T a b l e
Value Points Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot -------------------------------------------------------- 1 Inter Milandrover Smasher 52.8 10 461 2 Norma Snockers FC Sarah Bingham 55.0 14 455 3 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 53.7 8 432 4 Stay Poyet Stay! Nick Reed 53.4 5 418 5 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton 53.8 9 403 6 BM Mingmongs Neil McConaghy 53.8 14 386 7 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 53.6 20 382 8 ADFC Adriana Chittelboro 53.7 8 381 8 All Hail The Chairman Rob Ivison 55.0 11 381 10 Chi'Knees Czechers Jirka Opatrny 55.0 16 368
