It's All Arsenorm About Face At The Top

We have a change at the top as Inter Milandrover fail to surf the wave of points that crashed against the OFFL shore this week. They get barged out of the way by new leaders Decimated Left Peg and last week's Manager of the Week's Lovedean Academicals.

With an amazing score of 26 points, we see Arsenorm more than double their point tally so far this season earning their manager, Mark 'New Dad' Norman, this week's Manager of the Week Certificate, Keane TOT and O'Shea MU doing most of the work.

Moanchester Onionited climb highest [six places] into eighth while everybody stare at Andy Straw and his Nuttingham Florist... they fall lowest [seven places] into thirteenth.

Are you ready to find out more about this year's cup prize?

Chasing Pack Close In

Manager of the Week this week is Danny 'Champion of the World' Atkins with a neat little point profit of 18 for his Lovedean Academicals. Ankle-knacked Guy Harewood's Torun Terrors climb highest [up six] into seventh place in the table while Kicking the Ahbit fall six. RS T-Boy, meanwhile, nudge into joint second alongside Decimated Left Peg and the chasing pack all close in on current leaders Inter Milandrover.

Tesco Tumble

Our Chairman has put his faith in the well-oiled machine that is the OFFL to run itself over the next week and a half while He has been invited over to the well-oiled provinces of Italy by the well-oiled Italian FA.

All in the name of 'Searching for New Talent' He reassures us. Though there's something quite amiss about that faint sound of what could be a sewing machine trying to over-take a cart full of olives on Puglia's Adriatic highway.

Manager of the Week this week is Kate 'Still Goes to Watch Oxford Play' Wilson with a rather chubby little score of 19 points. This takes the rather sexistly monikered Menarepigs Are Back up four places in the table. Biggest League Table movers, however, are Tesco Value FC: tumbling down five places. No movement in the top four though. Has the OFFL already established its Official Top Four for the year?

Bielby Goes Bonkers

Frontrunners Inter Milandrover and Decimated Left Peg have set the early pace this season with a large chasing pack not far behind, led by last year's runner-up RS T-Boy. It seems the rest of the League are comforting themselves with the wisdom that it is indeed 'a marathon, not a sprint'.

In the main, no-one is getting carried away...

In particular, Nick Reed.

His Gotsmanov's Salute, named after a cheeky little Belarusian called Sergey, have just dropped seven places after scoring a measly 5 points this week. Shame.

However, with the 'marathon, not a sprint' mantra reverberating reassuringly round his head, even Mr Reed isn't spunking transfers all over the place in an exuberant bid to claw back the terrible mess. Unlike Russ Bielby, manager of Livercoolio, who knows a thing or two about messy spunking.

Avid readers, [alright then, just readers] of last week's Studmarks will recall an early double transfer request from the self-monikered 'Rafa the Gaffa'. The First transfers of the season in fact.

Indeed, his managerial master-stroking consisted of booting out Arsenal's Arshavin and Aston Villa's Agbonlahor.... just as they both, as if by magic, did each score Premiership goals.

Anyone who has heard Our Chairman laugh out loud rarely forgets the awkward discomfort they feel during the experience.

Now, you would have thought that Mr Bielby, buttock-clenchingly desperate to keep within spurting distance of colleague Rick Beecroft, might have learned his lesson after Week 2. But no. Here he comes again... like an unfulfilled Kamikaze pilot on a bungee... this time with three spurnees. Gone are GK Begovic, CB Hangeland and MF Kuyt.

OFFL Umpa Lumpas are now preparing for a rush on the trio.

And, what with enough keywords in this post to surely throw Google's smut filter into an apoplectic censorship frenzy, we do hope you are able to read this edition of Studmarks.

Manager of the Week this week is Khumbula Dube whose Dube Stars notched up an impressive 25 points pushing them up six places into fourth.

Knee-jerk Silly Season Begins

Our Most Gracious Chairman has recently been complaining that the radio transmissions he intercepts from Interpol's communication frequencies have gone eerily quiet. It's a little hobby of his and has nothing to do with the little incident involving that Gibraltar Rock Ape and a packet of Nik-Naks last Spring.

What makes it so galling for Our Chairman is that this particular law agency has been asking some pretty interesting questions about some of the OFFL members.

Apparently, leading up to the radio silence, intelligence was focussing on the Stag Do Tourist Hot Spot of Prague.

After some initial digging [on facebook.cz] by our Studmarks junior, Piotr, it seems that it has something to do with the OFFL's inevitable Knee-jerk Silly Season having already begun...

Such is the excruciatingly exuberant enthusiasm to ensure his colleague Rick Beecroft doesn't leave him behind in the table again this year, Russ Bielby - the self-proclaimed Rafa The Gaffa of the League - has indeed knee-jerked himself into a transfer market Can-Can by already using up a sixth of his allotted swap requests for the season.

Russ has rapidly ditched the annoyingly unpredictable Agbonlahor and the diminutive Russian-all-over-the-pitch Arshavin in a bid to also ward off any suggestion that his wife, the 'The Weakest Link Winning' Madame of Marketing, Sarah Johns.

So, it seems the RealSense boys are going to be at each others' throats again this season. Which is excellent news for the rest of us. But not so great for RS T-Boy's Stag 'Event' in Prague at the weekend.

Manager of the Week is Alex "Bloody Hell" Blundell. His Moanchester Onionited netted a massive+1 31 points to secure his Manager of the Week Certificate that won't be making its way to him by the first post. And no, he was never a real footballer.

Not like Danny Atkins.