Studmarks: March 2017

Thursday, 23 March 2017

Week 32: Three Horses

Tobé Mourinho. Not a Portuguese Mystic

Say what you like about Dozy Marine-Yoh,

[PAUSE]

[UNIMPRESSED INDISTINCT MURMUR]

[ANOTHER PAUSE]

...but he's an astute fellow. One that oozes sagacity and beard-stroking prescience. All the way back in October he enigmatically predicted that the chase for the title this season would be a three-nag race [Guardian: https://goo.gl/vTC6Dy]

How little the journalists covering the story knew that, much like his soothsaying predecessor José Nostradamus, he was covering his sinister powers with riddles and obfuscation. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen he was indeed talking about the OFFL.

He stated “My feeling is it will be close and probably one team that you think is playing for the title in March, probably in May doesn’t finish in the top four.”

Livercoolio, Inter Milandrover and Pyeators are all currently up there jostling for supremacy. Is this an early sprint for the line leaving the Clayton-led pacemakers to drop off the pace through exhaustion or are we awaiting Dowds Farm Goblins and Neil's Diamonds to find their top gear to overtake the fractious three?

And if that isn't an attempt by us, here at Studmarks, to try and whip up a bit of non-existent excitement we don't know what is.

Three points separate First and Second, while only 20 points span the gap between Bielby's and McConaghy's respective challengers.

Meanwhile, this week's Manager of the Week is that other Portuguese Mystic, Tobé Larking*. While his life has been faithfully documented in BBC Three's "This Country", he pinches the certificate after his Toby's Gang scored 20 points.

Marvellous stuff.

* FYI: Toby is neither Portuguese nor a mystic. Almost quite the opposite judging by his permanently surprised-looking face.

T h e T a b l e
Value Points
Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot
--------------------------------------------------------
1 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 54.8 9 331
2 Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.6 13 328
3 Pyeators Dave Clayton 55.0 3 323
4 Dowds Farm Goblins Nick Borrett 54.9 7 315
5 Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 55.0 7 311
6 Crystal Phallus Guy Salter 54.2 6 305
7 Moobchester United Jon King 54.7 8 296
8 RS-TBOY Rick Beecroft 55.0 11 296
9 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 54.7 4 294
10 Epic Yellowz Stanley/Kate Wilson 54.0 2 292

Week 31: OFFL Cup Second Round RESULTS

High on the Happy Side: Russ Bielby takes the Number 1 Spot.

Like Wet Wet Wet and Bryan Adams, Pyeators have spent eighteen excruciating weeks at Number 1.

18.

But over the last few weeks sales of their catchy little number, written by Dave Clayton, have fallen off dramatically. It's now the turn of former Champions [thrice-over] Livercoolio. 3 points was enough to land the top spot thanks, in part, to a minus 3 point score from Pyeators. Bielby's boys lead the table by 2.

Tight.

Inter Milandrover, 5 points away in Third, have made up for last week's score-debacle by winning the Manager of the Week certificate for their Manager who steered them to a thrilling 8 points. Too bad for Epic Yellowz however....

========
OFFL Cup
--------
ROUND TWO, RESULTS

Guess Hughton 2 v 2 Moreton Rovers
Nick Reed Edgar Rayner
[Moreton Rovers go through on PpP]

The Flying Geese 7 v 3 Minty's Minions
Mandy Noble Minty Colquhoun

Dowds Farm Goblins 1 v 0 Toby's Gang
Nick Borrett Toby Larking

RS-TBOY 3 v 2 Moanchester United
Rick Beecroft Alex Blundell

Moobchester United 2 v 0 Crystal Phallus
Jon King Guy Salter

Shutdown FC 0 v -1 The Trumpeteers
Sam Reed Donald Trump

Obi Wan Kenobi Nil -2 v 3 Starpratt Mustgo
Chris Walsh Malcolm Meaden-Pratt

Inter Milandrover 8 v 5 Epic Yellowz
Smasher Kate/Stanley Wilson

The romance of the Cup... is still alive.

Not dead. It isn't dead.

T h e T a b l e

Value Points

Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot

--------------------------------------------------------

1 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 54.8 3 322

2 Pyeators Dave Clayton 55.0 -3 320

3 Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.6 8 315

4 Dowds Farm Goblins Nick Borrett 54.9 1 308

5 Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 55.0 1 304

6 Crystal Phallus Guy Salter 54.2 0 299

7 Epic Yellowz Stanley/Kate Wilson 54.0 5 290

8 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 54.7 5 290

9 Moobchester United Jon King 54.7 2 288

10 RS-TBOY Rick Beecroft 55.0 3 285

Week 30: OFFL Cup Round Two - IN PLAY!

Dave Clayton Wakes Up

It's Week 30 and Russell Bielby takes advantage of the mighty Inter Milandrover's massive mega-meltdown to take over the second place spot.

Meanwhile Guy Harewood has his Big Girl's Blouses billowing up into twelfth place after earning a Manager of the Week certificate-winning 18 points.

And in other news... Dave Clayton has submitted a couple of transfer requests to help hold off that heel-nipping chasing pack.

Finally, this week...

========
OFFL Cup
--------
ROUND TWO, IN PLAY

Guess Hughton v Moreton Rovers
Nick Reed Edgar Rayner

The Flying Geese v Minty's Minions
Mandy Noble Minty Colquhoun

Dowds Farm Goblins v Toby's Gang
Nick Borrett Toby Larking

RS-TBOY v Moanchester United
Rick Beecroft Alex Blundell

Moobchester United v Crystal Phallus
Jon King Guy Salter

Shutdown FC v The Trumpeteers
Sam Reed Donald Trump

Obi Wan Kenobi Nil v Starpratt Mustgo
Chris Walsh Malcolm Meaden-Pratt

Inter Milandrover v Epic Yellowz
Smasher Kate/Stanley Wilson

T h e T a b l e
Value Points
Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot
--------------------------------------------------------
1 Pyeators Dave Clayton 54.9 5 323
2 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 54.8 12 319
3 Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.6 -5 307
4 Dowds Farm Goblins Nick Borrett 54.9 7 307
5 Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 55.0 5 303
6 Crystal Phallus Guy Salter 54.2 2 299
7 Moobchester United Jon King 54.7 6 286
8 Epic Yellowz Stanley/Kate Wilson 54.0 5 285
9 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 54.7 6 285
10 RS-TBOY Rick Beecroft 55.0 11 282

Week 29:

Imagine the noise of the wind.

*Tumbleweed*

[Jon King is this week's Manager of the Week. His Moobchester United wobbled in 23 points and pushing themselves together and up, back into the top ten cleavage of the League.]

[Will the Pyeators still be top of the Table next week? And if not, which of the approaching challengers will replace them?]

And just a reminder...

========
OFFL Cup
--------
ROUND TWO, to be played over Week 31

Guess Hughton v Moreton Rovers
Nick Reed Edgar Rayner

The Flying Geese v Minty's Minions
Mandy Noble Minty Colquhoun

Dowds Farm Goblins v Toby's Gang
Nick Borrett Toby Larking

RS-TBOY v Moanchester United
Rick Beecroft Alex Blundell

Moobchester United v Crystal Phallus
Jon King Guy Salter

Shutdown FC v The Trumpeteers
Sam Reed Donald Trump

Obi Wan Kenobi Nil v Starpratt Mustgo
Chris Walsh Malcolm Meaden-Pratt

Inter Milandrover v Epic Yellowz
Smasher Kate/Stanley Wilson

T h e T a b l e

Value Points

Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot

--------------------------------------------------------

1 Pyeators Dave Clayton 54.9 6 318

2 Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.6 16 312

3 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 54.8 8 307

4 Dowds Farm Goblins Nick Borrett 54.9 7 300

5 Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 55.0 13 298

6 Crystal Phallus Guy Salter 54.2 4 297

7 Epic Yellowz Stanley/Kate Wilson 54.0 15 280

8 Moobchester United Jon King 54.7 23 280