Week 11: Messiah Merry-Go-Round

He wanted to be a goalie

Winning two Championships on the trot would lead some lesser beings to develop an ego the size of a Gareth Bale weekly pay packet. But Inter Milandrover's manager didn't smugly rest on his laurels over the Summer, oh no.  Instead, he turned to Jesus [Navas].  It's surprising to see this week, therefore, that faith in Jesus has been lost so soon into the season as Smasher relieves Him of his duties.  Indeed, after plummeting to fourth spot in the table, Inter Milandrover have brought in the more reliable services of Arsenal's Sir Alf Ramsay - such is the way of the Messiah Merry-Go-Round of the Footballing world these days.

A Ramsey, the new
saviour on the block

Meanwhile, Mr Bielby slaps in a magnificent 27 points for the Manager of the Week Certificate this week - his Livercoolio benefiting from a Suarez hatrick and a goal + assist from Van Persil Automatic. Livercoolio move up five places into second and only just miss out on the top spot.  That honour has been secured with 2 points by the bingtastic Sarah Bingham's Fattered Tanj.

Also of note - we've seen the top 8 fantasy teams all cruise past the 100 point mark with Botley Yellow managing to get a positive score for their Kate Wilson.

OFFL Cup coming soon!

[As is Loopy's latest 8-track emission, "Booster8" - we'll keep you informed of that momentous event, of course we will, we will to be sure, yes, we will.]

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   54.2 19 117
 2 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 27 115
 3 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 16 110
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 10 109
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 18 108
 6 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5 10 107
 7 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 26 106
 8 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6 13 101
 9 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 17  92
10 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  8  91

Week 09 & 10: Good Grief Gavin's Gag's Good.

Ozil: Seen here using the Force.

If you're the kind of Studmarks reader who merely scans for your own name and presses delete when its continued omission from that edition doesn't warrant any further investment of your precious time then listen up.  You, yes, you - the peruser user - you might be missing out on a corking line sent in by Manager Gavin Ward that ends his transfer request this week.  Read on, read on. And by the way, OMG Chairman has confirmed that He will not be giving any any extra points for the line.

In the meantime, here are the essentials...

Manager of the Week is the magnificently resilient Rachel Jones, thanks to her Which Team scoring 22 points for her this week.  No-one will be more shocked than Ms Jones.

Meanwhile, current Champions Inter Milandrover are on course to make it three OFFL Championships in a row by taking over top spot from Birthday Boy Neil McConaghy this week.  Indeed, Neil's Diamonds drop two places while Sarah Bingham's Fattered Tanj surge up into second, a mere one point behind the very smug manager of Inter Milandrover.

Boo!

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 19  99
 2 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   55.0 18  98
 3 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5 12  97
 4 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 19  94
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 20  90
 6 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6 20  88
 7 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 16  88
 8 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 14  83
 9 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 13  80
10 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  9  76

Week 08: The Monocle's Out

Guess Who's the Manager of the Week?
[actual certificate pictured]

Manager of the Week this week is the Frenchman, Hercule Poirot.

Apologies Monsieur Poirot, of course we mean Belgian.

His Mainly Bell Jam team consisting of mainly Belgian players mainly scored 13 points for him this week, earning our mainly fictional sleuth the Manager of the Week Certificate which he will doubtlessly examine mainly through his immaculately clean monocle.

Now let's borrow that monocle and take a moment to study Guy Harewood. In what was a poor week for all fantasy defences across the country, his Woolyback Returns successfully lost 7 points.  That's a weekly total of minus 7.  SEVEN.

So much for those expertly-timed midfield transfers the other week.  His tragic score of MINUS 7 [which will take some beating, we have to say] has meant a fall of four places in the league, handing second spot to Champions Inter Milandrover and a 1 point increase to the lead of Neil McConaghy over the rest of the league.

Mention must also go to non-fictional Jon King.  His Moobchester Utd narrowly missed out on the certificate by 1 point.  Nevertheless, he remains this week's biggest mover by heaving his Moobs up six places cupping them gently into Twelfth.  Nice.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5  4  85
 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9  8  80
 3 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   55.0  4  80
 4 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9  4  75
 5 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0  0  72
 6 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 -7  70
 7 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  3  69
 8 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6  1  68
 9 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  2  67
10 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    54.8  4  67

Week 07: Dearly Beloved

Portman Road receiving Our Most Gracious Chairman

This past weekend, while OMG Chairman went to Portman Road to press the flesh, kiss some babies and watch Ipswich Town knock Nick Reed's beloved Brighton & Hove Albion about, the OFFL received another cantankerous rant from Old Man Smears [see 'Transfers and Stuff'] who is basically demanding points for being old.

Fellow Liverpool-loving loon Russ Bielby becomes this week's Manager of the Week after his beloved limb-chewing chum, Luis 'Suspended' Suarez, comes back to play for his beloved Liverpool.  Our beloved Bielby brought his beloved Livercoolio a moderate 14 points moving them up four places into fifth - leaving Bielby's actual Beloved [Sarah] twelve places behind.  Where's the chivalry?

Notable among other more rational movers and shakers in the league is 1964 Prathletico Grande who fall four, down from second into sixth. Boo.

Keeping this week's Studmarks blissfully short, thanks to the need to urgently optimise the time afforded to us by an 8 month old's morning nap while prioritising the necessitous laundering of underwear for the week, we'll end with wishing Manager Rick Beecroft a happy anniversary for Thursday - Lord and Lady Beeky: still together after a lengthy four year marriage.  Congratulations both.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5  8  81
 2 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9  7  77
 3 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   55.0  6  76
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9  7  72
 5 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 14  72
 6 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 -2  71
 7 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6  7  67
 8 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  0  66
 9 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      55.0  9  66
10 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.9  5  65

Week 06: Mint Drop Trip

Gavin Ward receiving his prize from The Chairman
for winning the 2013 OFFL Cup

Pleasantly bewildering long term fans of his teams of yore, Chris Walsh has kept his eye firmly on the Bale this season and transferred out the 'No Longer Playing in the Premiership' player a mere three weeks after his move to the Fantasy Leagues of Spain. Well done, Mr Walsh. Maybe a finish in the top twenty this season IS possible after all.

The race so far: 

Progress, Points, Team Name

Meanwhile, manager of 2008 Champions and 2012 Cup Winners, Neil McConaghy, seizes the League's top spot from Minty Colquhoun this week by climbing two places and leapfrogging Malcolm Pratt's 1964 Prathletico Grande. Mintal Institute's little hiccough forced a tumble of four places - which is nothing when you look at Cup-holding manager Gavin Ward's Blat Setter's Mad Hatters who plummet seven places this week.

Interestingly, and perhaps rather unpleasantly bewildering, our Manager of the Week this week is the most senior of our managers, Mr Mike Smears. His Irishpool netted a massive 20 points which places the Irish Liverpudlian firmly into a dizzying twentieth place. Take a seat and catch your breath, Sir.

Uninterestingly, in a slight change to how the league table works, The Chairman has decided that he should do something to reduce the amount of times teams become equally ranked. So he's added a fancy new procedure which officially separates teams by the total points, then team value, then weekly score. And if that lot fails to set you apart in the table something will probably explode.

Have a good week.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5 13  73
 2 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 10  73
 3 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 10  70
 4 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   55.0 19  70
 5 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  2  66
 6 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 13  65
 7 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       53.6 16  60
 8 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.9 14  60
 9 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 13  58
10 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 11  57