The Chairman is currently flicking through a Kitchen Catalogue with a grizzled look of enforced scrutiny. There's nothing more tedious than trying to decide whether or not the floor tiles should be grey with relief or flat, matt and flecked with a suspicion of yellow.
Ooh, hang on. Yes there IS something more tedious. And that's International Week for the football. Yes. That's much more tedious. Indeed England's National side, entitled "England", are in a qualifying group of barely capable opponents - all of whom, should they qualify, are waiting until a later round of the subsequent tournament to then humiliate the Three Lions by thrashing the shin pads off them.
It's like the English actually believe it might be different this time.
Now that's what I call tedious.
Sigh.
Manager of the Week is aged latecomer Mike Smears whose Irishpool finally rocks up to the back door of the party with 52 points. They're in last place. At the moment.
Right, off you pop. Have a week.
T h e T a b l e
Value Points
Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot
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1 Pyeators Dave Clayton 50.0 39 217
2 Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 49.7 45 197
3 Moanchester United Alex Blundell 49.9 51 192
4 Inter Milandrover Smasher 49.4 32 188
5 RS-TBOY Rick Beecroft 49.8 41 185
6 Rushden Academicals 2Malcolm Meaden-Pratt 49.9 49 185
7 Game Of Throw Ins Craig McHugh 49.0 36 168
8 Suits You Sur-man Sarah Bingham 49.3 27 162
9 Johnny's Heroes Sarah Bielby 47.7 39 160
10 Moobchester United Jon King 49.9 42 157
11 Bayern Bru Guy Harewood 49.9 39 154
12 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 49.6 27 153
13 Brighton Beautiful Karyn Meaden-Pratt 49.6 46 152
14 Ali McMoist Alison Faulkner 49.3 28 147
15 What's Scotland For? Matilda Larking 49.2 31 144
16 Pogboom Nick and Sam Reed 49.3 29 140
17 RockRollford United Edgar Rayner 48.0 26 130
18 Sheep City Martyn Field 49.9 43 127
19 Crystal Phallus Guy Salter 48.5 17 120
20 Wardy's Wasters Gavin Ward 49.4 27 118
21 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 44.9 36 117
22 Obi Wan Kenobi Nil Chris Walsh 40.4 25 115
23 Minty's Minions Minty Colquhoun 48.4 15 114
24 Irishpool Mike Smears 50.0 52 96
Week's Average Points 35.1
Total Average Points 151.6
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T r a n s f e r s a n d s t u f f
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Brighton Beautiful
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From: Karyn Meaden-Pratt
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject:
Dear Mr Chairman Sir,
I believe I have made some rooky errors in my choices and would like to kick some of my players into touch already. (Mixing my sporting metaphors as well, tut tut).
So, please sir:
445 De Bruyne OUT 422 Al IN (a great regret, but the figures just don’t add up otherwise…)
400 Zaha OUT 443 Salah IN
393 McArthur OUT 463 Pogba IN
557 Sanchez OUT 602 Aguero IN
Have been largely ridiculed in the M-P household this week by asking if the players in the League change each year. It’s a bit of a learning curve, this, isn’t it?!
Oodles of ta for the fun and admin.
xxxx
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Chairman responds:
Nothing like pressing that panic button early. And then choosing an injured player to come into your team. Nothing like it.
=============================
Bayern Bru
-------------------
From: Guy Harewood
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject:
Eh Up Chair Chump,
Your new scoring system has me flummoxed. I'm scoring plenty but still not enough. What has happened to the world? So I feel a few early season flutters are needed.
Oot with Keane and Martina as Everton are really poop. And, to accommodate my jiggery-pokery also oot with De Gea and van Dijk. He really mucked me aboot by not moving to somewhere decent.
In with:
133 Moraes and 254 Walker (anyone would think Man City had a decent start to the season).
199 Christensen (he plays for Chelsea sometimes)
258 Jones
Cheers muchly,
JK
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Chairman responds:
Unlike you to lose your patience so early Mr Harewood. I'm impressed with your decisiveness. Though not your choices.
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Brighton Beautiful
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From: Karyn Meaden-Pratt
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Goddamn it
Dear Mr Chairman Sir,
Get rid of Sanchez, he said. He hasn’t played much this season, he said. Swap him for Aguero or Lukaka, he said. So I did and then LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. Sanchez played well and unlucky Aguero got himself all mashed up in a car crash.
Oh no, I said!! Do you think Aguero will be out of action for long? Should I swap him out again, I asked? No, he said, he won’t be out longer than two weeks. So I left my team as it was and then LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. Now the newspapers are saying he’ll be out for at least another two weeks, or four weeks, or maybe even six weeks. (Strangely, always even numbers of weeks…)
So, upshot is, please could I transfer poorly Aguero back OUT and put Sanchez back IN. I will apologise to Sanchez in due course for losing faith in him too quickly. Unless he starts playing badly or gets himself mashed up too.
Ta muchly.
Going for a little lie down now…
K.
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Chairman responds:
Whatever you want, my transfer-wasting Loveliness. Whatever you want.
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