Look, no-one says you have to play.
Nobody TELLS you that you simply HAVE to be a part of it, do they? But hey! You wouldn't want to miss out though, would you?
Would you?
[Now hold yourself by the throat and push your face right up close to a mirror for this next line]
WOULD YOU?!!
[Now straighten yourself out and take a breath]
You could look on it as helping a stay-at-home Dad keep his sanity from being completely absorbed by the societal sponge that is Playgroups, Costa-based respite, Cbeebies Earworms, weaning, naps and nappies.
Studmarks will continue to be restricted to being issued irregularly, inaccurately and incoherently. And in between those ever-so important naps.
Because sleeping is important.
So important.
Not that we'll be changing the OFFL motto. No, it's still 'a marathon, not a sprint'.
And, yes, The Chairman is still skippering this particular Out-Of-Control leaky tanker through the choppy chilly waters of the Premiership ocean. Indeed, He's often been called an [in]complete tanker, as you know. You'll be witnessing his usual bouts of anger, depression, jubilation, Africa trips, back operations, Loopy albums and, of course, the humiliating ejections from the local Legs, Bums and Tums by the local Yummy Mums.
But right now, having offended those of you who can't read anything longer than 140 characters, all you have to do is the usual.
- Download this Excel Spreadsheet and fill it in [http://j.mp/SelectYourTeam].
- Think of an HILARIOUS team name that will make everyone snort in the first week and groan for the rest of the season.
- Send it to Studmarks@gmail.com.
All the usual rules apply.
All of them.
Tom will be picking his best music-based team - and trying to resist the obvious G McCartney/A Lennon pairing again. Minty will blindly pick Darren Bent up front. Mally will stumble upon a lucky unknown high-scoring midfielder. Gavin Ward or Craig McHugh will reach the OFFL Cup Final [another prize awaits]. Edgar won't make any transfers on principle and finish the season bewildered at why he's only just ahead of Tom at the foot of the table while RicknRuss will slog out yet another top ten finish via a point fine for bringing the game into disrepute.
We have Nick Reed back, picking players post-Poyet and no doubt Mr Tierney will enter his Twonks in Week 2, get lucky and win the damn thing in the penultimate week. Chris Walsh will be unable to mount a serious challenge and remain the only Real-Sense regular to be without a Championship win.
We could go on.
And we shall.
Go pick.
[While the baby's still asleep].
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