Monday 17 September 2012

Weeks 04 & 05: Point Fine

The OFFL Rules were nailed up for all to see

Back in the old days, in spite of the Hallowed OFFL Rules being nailed to a Wittenburg Castle church door for all to see [pre-internet obviously], if a manager was to try and submit a transfer, or set of transfers, that would render his or her team illegitimate, an immediate Point Fine would be levied upon that manager's team.

Since then, and after a particularly nefarious spate of attempts to get illegal teams past Our Most Gracious Chairman, the latest technology was applied in developing the tools to make it almost impossible for a normal Homo Sapiens to come up with a wrong selection.  We're talking about the dastardly sophisticated 'SelectYourTeam' spreadsheet.

Since the widespread use of this spreadsheet tool, no manager has submitted an erroneous team.

Well, most erring errers are allowed at least one second chance at any rate.  But when that errer makes a second attempt to slip an illegality [without even the offer of a bribe] past the Chairman then it's time to warm up the wagging finger.

And this season, the digit of discipline indignantly dithers in the face of Rick Beecroft - after trying to get three Chelsea players into his team, he then changed tack and went for three Arsenal players instead.

After firstly dropping hints to 'Studmarks' journalists, the OFFL Police were on to the situation immediately.

OFFL HQ have issued an instant 30 point fine to RST-BOY, pending an appeal.  Beecroft commented "I'll have your job for this you pleb", directing his ire at a uniformed Umpa Lumpa.

The Chairman was unavailable for comment though was observed, through a thick cloud of cigar smoke, leaning back in his reclining throne with a smug grin on his chubby little face.

Manager of the Week this week is Malcolm Pratt.  He steered his sterling steers to a weekly steerage of 13 points moving his FC Maalcoma into second pace in the league.

Highest climbers are Neil McConaghy's Neil's Diamonds and Sarah Bingham's Multiple Scorgasms: both up five places.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5 -1  45
 2 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       54.8 13  42
 3 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.1  7  38
 4 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.6 12  35
 5 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  5  33
 6 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0 10  32
 7 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          52.6  9  30
 8 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9 11  29
 9 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7  6  25
10 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.4 10  24
10 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.7  0  24
12 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       54.9  0  23
13 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.9 -2  21
14 Moobchester United     John King           54.7  2  20
15 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  3  18
16 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  7  10
16 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.8  3  10
18 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.8  6   9
19 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6  7   8
20 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2 -1   6


                          Week's Average Points         5
                          Total Average Points         24

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