Week 20: First week's results of the OFFL Cup

As the Chairman gazed through His billowing breath at the lofty waning gibbous shining out above His hideaway, the snow fell. News came through that airports were closing all over the country. People were slipping over and roads were becoming treacherous. As a treat to Himself, He decided to choose outrage over reason as His most natural response. Someone, He raspingly ranted inside, Was To Blame. And let's face it, if we ignore the weather offering its own sole role as the reason this season, it must be the Government's fault.

Must be.

Never mind the facts that other snow-vulnerable countries like Russia, Canada and Father Christmas's very own Lapland also close their airports and roads in similar conditions. Yeah. Never mind that. After all, if He was to take that into account it would take the sting out of His cantankery. No, no, forget that, the Chairman decided to be brutishly British.

Dave Clayton, learning to spell in his favourite gay bar

It isn't his fault, at any rate. Nobody advised him to buy a shovel and a bag of salt, did they? How was he to know?

Yes.

The Chairman comforts his own lack of preparedness by blaming the Government.

And with that, he had a marvellous night's kip.

As did Sarah Bingham whose Salad Dodgers jumped up highest with Dave Clayton's Shamone Muddy Funksters - both ascend four places.

It's tense at the top with only eleven points separating the top eight teams. Malcademicals aren't looking as comfortable as they were up there. It must be the cold.

And his haemorrhoids.

The Manager of the Week certificate is to be torn in half and distributed crisp and evenly between Dave Clayton and newcomer Tom Vamos. Both their teams notched up a Christmassy 18 points. As luck would have it, they're also both in the same group in the qualifying round of the OFFL Cup, with Shamone Muddy Funksters edging the lead on Points Per Pound difference.

Is it nearly New Year already?