Week 32: OFFL Cup Third Round Results

Not In Your Mum's Forest v The Flying Geese [OMG Chairman looks on]

Another Manager of the Week certificate goes to Smasher for the 21 points he snaffled for his Inter Milandrover.  This puts him level on Certificates with Sarah Bielby who both now top the MotW chart with 5 certificates each - which just goes to show you how pointless Manager of the Week certificates are to get a sense of OFFL success.  You see, both managers are struggling to keep up with the league leaders and, now, both are out of the cup.  Which is a rather insensitive way of telling Ms Bielby she was well and truly stuffed by Manchester United fan Jon King's Moobchester United in this week's OFFL Cup tie.

By a Manchester United fan.

Oof.

Now the Moobs are through to the Semi-Finals.  Let's a have butcher's hook at who else has suffered utter humiliation at the hands of lower league opposition...

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

Results, Wk32

Irishpool                12  v 17 Malcolmyouplaysobadly
Mike Smears                               Malcolm Pratt

Johnny's Heroes           7  v 17    Moobchester United
Sarah Bielby                                   Jon King

Blet Satters Mad Hatters 10  v 10    Radnorshire Tigers*
Gavin Ward                                 Alun Edwards

Not In Your Mum's Forest 20  v  8      The Flying Geese
Sarah Bingham                               Mandy Noble

*Radnorshire Tigers go through on PpP

After scraping through the last round by beating Moanchester Disunited 3 - 0, Alun Edwards's Radnorshire Tigers barely scrape through again this round by winning their tie on Points per Pound.  This week's head-scratching victims are Gavin Ward and his Blet Satters Mad Hatters. Don't worry Mr Ward, this time next year you'll be Milliners.

Do You See What I Did There?

Redolent of the warring matriarchs in 80s supersoap 'Dynasty', we witness an act of shoulder-padded feminist independence, and a clear show-off to try and impress all the boys, from Sarah 'Alexis' Bingham as she cattily dumps out fellow OFFL 'sista' Mandy 'Krystle' Noble.  Meanwhile, Irishpool's Mike Smears gallantly steps aside to let OFFL giant Big Mally and his Malcolmyouplaysobadly through with a charmingly polite "after you, Sir".  Such gracious masculine respect there.

Lovely.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9 18 315
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4 17 309
 3 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8 21 291
 4 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3  9 290
 5 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.7 12 284
 6 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 20 279
 7 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8  7 279
 8 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 10 271
 9 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.8 14 268
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  8 255

Week 31: Reed In F.C. [for Clarkson]

Clarkson - not taking Road Safety seriously

Pending the inevitable, a double congratulations is in the offing for our very own celebrity Dr Nick Reed.

That he was the person seen swiping the last steak fillet from the buffet on the set of Top Gear is neither here nor there.  The fact that the absence of this lump of meat led to a fracas that, in turn, has resulted in a vacancy opening up for a TV presenting driving expert is also just happenstance.

Dr Reed's early TV career has so far been limited to early morning appearances on Breakfast TV and is rumoured to be losing interest with reading subsequent facebook messages from friends about how they dropped their spoons in their cornflakes every time his handsome fizzog catches them unawares on the Tellybox.

So, with an innocent eye on slipping into Jeremy Clarkson's still-warm shoes, this would seem the perfect time, then, to up his game and twang the braces of the BBC Bosses.

And Up His Game he has.  Oh yes.

By steering his OFFL team to a score of 15 points and being awarded the Manager of the Week certificate for this week we reckon the execs at the Beeb will have well and truly sat up and noticed.  Controversial Clarkson OUT, Reed IN - Now there's a transfer request that just works.

About the MotW certificate, Dr Reed said he "Couldn't Be Hyppia" and believes it's just the right springboard to further his career.

He didn't say any of that to be fair.  But we enjoyed imaging, briefly, that he had.

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

Being played this week

Irishpool                    v   Malcolmyouplaysobadly
Mike Smears                              Malcolm Pratt

Johnny's Heroes              v      Moobchester United
Sarah Bielby                                  Jon King

Blet Satters Mad Hatters     v      Radnorshire Tigers
Gavin Ward                                Alun Edwards

Not In Your Mum's Forest     v        The Flying Geese
Sarah Bingham                              Mandy Noble



T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9  3 297
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4  9 292
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3  3 281
 4 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.7  5 272
 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8  1 272
 6 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8  4 270
 7 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  6 261
 8 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  7 259
 9 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.6  4 254
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  9 247

Week 30: Flagging Morale

A young Mike Smears before his morale started flagging

Manager of the Week this week is Mr Mike Smears of Irishpool loveliness.  21 points saw off the challenges from whipper-snappers Russ Bielby and Sarah Bingbong and saw the old man snaffle a much needed certificate to bolster flagging morale.

And no matter how much we, here at Studmarks, would love to experience our own morale boost to help needlessly stretch out this nonsense it just so happens to be one of those editions where we're just not going to be able to pull it off [again] with enough haste nor wit to make it worth your while.  

And besides some of you have the OFFL Cup to worry about.

Boom.

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

To be played in Week 32

Irishpool                    v   Malcolmyouplaysobadly
Mike Smears                              Malcolm Pratt

Johnny's Heroes              v      Moobchester United
Sarah Bielby                                  Jon King

Blet Satters Mad Hatters     v      Radnorshire Tigers
Gavin Ward                                Alun Edwards

Not In Your Mum's Forest     v        The Flying Geese
Sarah Bingham                              Mandy Noble

An out of date second hand Football Quiz Book is up for grabs.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9 17 294
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4  8 283
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3 11 278
 4 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8 15 271
 5 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.7 21 267
 6 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8  9 266
 7 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 15 255
 8 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 16 252
 9 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.6 14 250
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1 10 238

Week 29: Reverse Leapfrog

Sarah Bielby unleapfrogging the Manager of the Week

The tussle for top continues between the Bielby and the Pratt.  "The BRuss" takes over this week thanks to some exquisite transfers last week. "The BRuss", however, knows his tenure could be short-lived as The Prattster has 8 transfers left to improve his team against Bielby's own 2.

RS-TBOY are still in with a shout if luck goes their way, of course.  Let's face it though, it won't.

And talking of transfers, the only Manager with zero transfers remaining for the season is this week's Manager of the Week.  Indeed, Smasher finished splurging his quota a couple of weeks ago but seemed to justify his decision by winning two MotW Certificates on the trot.  Inter Milandrover scored 11 points this week taking themselves into fourth.

Meanwhile in the League, has Neil's Diamonds' 10 points re-ignited the top ten finish hopes of manager McConaghy?  Has Pedro's Plodders lost the will to live?  And as for former Weakest Link winner, Sarah Bielby... imagine a slow motion leapfrog in reverse... that's what your team just did in the table with Inter Milandrover.  Minus 3.  Nice.

TRANSFERS REMAINING TABLE

                                           Wk 29 trans
PosTeam                      Manager        Total left
-----------------------------------------------------
17 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    177  12
22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     147  12
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   104  12
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite  93  12
21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   155  11
18 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  176  10
11 Which Team                Rachel Jones     222   9
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    275   8
 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     256   7
 8 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   236   7
 7 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       240   6
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      228   6
15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        193   6
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      178   6
19 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     173   6
13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     206   5
 9 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    236   4
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    161   4
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         202   3
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      277   2
 6 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      246   2
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    267   1
12 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     216   1
 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          257   0


And, seeing as you couldn't give a monkey's about that table, how about this one instead?

MANAGER OF THE MONTH FOR FEBRUARY...

Lge                                            Value
PosManager               Team                   (m) Total
---------------------------------------------------------
 4 Smasher               Inter Milandrover     £53.8   46
 3 Rick Beecroft         RS-TBOY               £54.3   44
14 Jon King              Moobchester United    £52.1   36
 1 Russ Bielby           Livercoolio           £55.0   33
10 Mandy Noble           The Flying Geese      £54.1   32
 6 Mike Smears           Irishpool             £53.7   30
 2 Malcolm Pratt         Malcolmyouplaysobadly £54.4   25
19 Edgar Rayner          Didcot Rovers         £54.8   25
 9 Sarah Bingham         Not In Your Mum's Fore£54.7   25
18 Minty Colquhoun       A Bit Temperamintal   £55.0   22
 5 Sarah Bielby          Johnny's Heroes       £54.8   21
16 Chris Walsh           Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil  £54.6   21
15 Nick Reed             Couldn't be Hyppia    £54.6   20
21 Neil McConaghy        Neil's Diamonds       £54.8   20
 7 Gavin Ward            Blet Satters Mad Hatte£54.6   15
11 Rachel Jones          Which Team            £55.0   15
24 Pete Braithwaite      Pedro's Plodders      £46.7   13
23 Adrian Bradley        Awesome Athletic      £50.2   13
17 Alex Blundell         Moanchester Disunited £52.1   12
13 Dave Clayton          Pyeators              £54.3   10
 8 Stanley Wilson        Botley Yellow         £52.6    9
20 Ashley Keeler         It's A Snickers       £54.6    7
12 Alun Edwards          Radnorshire Tigers    £49.7    5
22 Craig McHugh          Real Mcdrid           £54.8    5


And the table that counts...

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      55.0  9 277
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4  5 275
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3  7 267
 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8 11 257
 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8 -3 256
 6 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.7 10 246
 7 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  3 240
 8 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.6  4 236
 9 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  4 236
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  9 228