Week 41: Another season passes into history

The 2010/2011 OFF Champions: Pompey Puss

The OFFL Champions 2010/2011
Pompey Puss
Lionel Larking with 422 pts


The OFFL Cup Final 2011

Real McDrid  9 v 5  Sheep City
Craig McHugh        Martyn field


Weeping in his hospital bed, desperately trying to get the use of his legs back, is Sheep City's most revered citizen - Martyn Field.  It's unlikely that this abrupt and unsatisfying end to his season will make much of a splash in his rather readable blog about his attempt to recover from POEMS syndrome [http://martynsthoughtsonitall.blogspot.com] - A cold stark reminder, I'm sure you'll agree, that we should all keep things in perspective: I mean, who needs a white blood cell count anyway when there's the glory of OFFL to pursue?


Craig McHugh's victory-cum-gloat parade will take place outside his chip shop in Surbiton in his open-topped Citroen CV [well, the roof will be rolled back at the very least].

Craig wins the glorious statuette of Fabio Capello circa 2010.  Like Colleen McLoughlin, Martyn consoles himself with the highly paid Wayne Rooney.

Meanwhile, Neil McConaghy attempts to draw the fire from the fact that his BM Mingmongs failed to come anywhere near their season of 2007/2008 by playing the 'Doing Something For Charity Card' [see below].  Yeah, yeah.

Sheep and the City:  Martyn's getting better.

But look.  Over there, on a hot tin roof.  A feline silhouette bouncing up and down with the gleeful chaotic spasms of a Jedward Eurovision performance.  Lionel Larking, forgetting his limping left leg and who only joined the competition to 'make up the numbers', is completely cat-a-hoop.  He has finally added the Office Fantasy Football League Championship Title to the OFFL Cup that he won last year.  And by a mere 5 points from Guy Harewood's Woolyback Town AFC too, who, in turn, can at least look back on the success of 2005/2006 for comfort when they too once lifted the trophy.

Alex Blundell is our final Manager of the Week as his team of no-hopers, Moanchester Utd, nipped in with 21 points lifting themselves two positions and cementing a final fifteenth place.  Yawn.

Malcolm Pratt's Fat Malcademicals completed their Arsenal parody by falling to fourth in the table after being unable to keep in touch with the leaders.  He will have to address the blunt 'Fancy Dan' play and the 'La-di-dah' passing game that leads his players to try walking the ball balletically into the net all the time.  A team whose performances are very much in their manager's own style.

Just One Finger Albion finished off the season with the traditional negative score while West Vam spluttered across the 200 point mark to claim the wooden spoon.  Meanwhile, Moobchester United managed to rise above the 'Total & Complete Dross' by finishing twenty-sixth as Bielby's Livercoolio reached for the line to finish third.  Congratulations to all on yet another fine season without fines.  [Mmm, the Chairman really must do something about that].

And talking of the Chairman, he's standing unopposed for re-election amid the usual allegations of impropriety.  Don't worry, you don't have to do nor understand anything.  Just turn up again next season and tell him how wonderful he his.  Next Year's OFFL Cup, for instance, will be hosted by Rob Ivison's 'All Hail The Chairman'.  Can't think why.

So, assuming the Chairman manages his annual pre-season escape from the clinic, we'll see you in August.

Have a happy Summer.

You're all rather wonderful.

The Studmarks Team
OFFL HQ
T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0  8 422
 2 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9  5 417
 3 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.9 14 414
 4 Fat Mal's MalcademicalsMalcolm Pratt       52.8  7 409
 4 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           53.0 15 409
 6 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      52.4  6 393
 7 Budleigh Salterton FC  Ashley Keeler       54.6  3 383
 8 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        53.3 14 381
 9 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7 11 375
10 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         54.9 18 356
11 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.6 10 350
12 Marmaduke's Army       Edgar Rayner        54.9 10 344
13 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0  5 340
14 Salad Dodgers          Sarah Bingham       53.5  6 336
15 Moanchester Utd        Alex Blundell       55.0 21 334
16 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        53.1  9 322
17 Dube Stars FC          Khumbula Dube       54.1 15 319
18 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.9  5 318
19 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          52.2  6 314
20 Irishpool              Mike Smears         52.3  4 305
20 Wymondham Wanderers    Steve Tierney       52.7  5 305
22 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         53.5  1 294
23 Nuttingham Florist     Andy Straw          52.2  2 283
24 Menarepigs3            Kate Wilson         54.2  1 266
25 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        52.9  1 261
26 Moobchester United     Jonathan King       54.9 12 244
27 Just One Finger Albion Paddy Mirams        54.2 -2 236
28 Double's Utd           Rachel Jones        54.4  1 225
29 Mintal Disorder        Minty Colquhoun     52.7  9 214
30 West Vam               Tom Vamos           54.8 14 202




                          Week's Average Points         7
                          Total Average Points        325

Week 40: 2 TEAMS, 2 POINTS, 2 DIFFERENCES.

It's that time of year again

Unbelievably, there are just 2 points separating First from Second in the league table, Pompey Puss and Woolyback Town AFC respectively.

Yes, 2 points.

Those 2 points will be fought over in the last week of the OFFL Championship by just 2 team positions.

FB: Leighton Baines EVE v Glen Johnson LIV
MF:       Dirk Kuyt LIV v Robin Van Der Vaart TOT

Forty weeks of scoring, of climbing up and down the League Table, of winning Manager of the Week Certificates, of trying to resist the temptation to create a junk mail filter for this weekly email... and it comes down to this.

The marathon has turned into a sprint.

This is as exciting as it's going to get.

[For this year, at any rate]

Meanwhile, Malcademicals failed to take advantage of the week to keep up the pressure and now look like 'doing an Arsenal' - dropping to fourth - as Russell Bielby's Livercoolio's week's score of 19 take them right up onto the Pratt's shoulder.

Manager of the Week, the penultimate week, is Ashley Keeler of Budleigh Salterton FC. He steered his seventh place team to a week's haul of 26 points, jumping two places into an unlikely seventh. Scant consolation for his failure to lead his team out onto the Wemmbley-Hogg turf. Scant consolation for us also as we were hoping to legitimately use that gag ages ago. [Wemmbley-Hogg? Budleigh Salterton? - Someone google it]

Mintal Disorder finally leaps past the 200 point mark and looks safe from her seemingly destined wooden spoon award as Tom Vamos takes occupancy of her bottom slot.

Cough.

And so...

The OFFL Cup Final

       REAL MCDRID  v  SHEEP CITY

      Craig McHugh     Martyn Field

And fighting it out for the OFFL Cup for these two teams are...

FB J O'Shea     MU  v  G Clichy    ARS 

FB P Bardsley  SUN  v  L Ridgewell BIR 

CB M Skrtel    LIV  v  D Shittu    BOL

CB B Hangeland FUL  v  R Shawcross STO 

MF F Malouda   CHE  v  F Lampard   CHE 

MF T Walcott   ARS  v  A Young      AV 

MF K Nolan     NEW  v  R Giggs      MU 

ST J Hernandez  MU  v  D Berbatov   MU 

Guaranteed to be more exciting than the Man City Stoke City bore-a-thon.

Enjoy the last week folks.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0  2 414
 2 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9  4 412
 3 Fat Mal's MalcademicalsMalcolm Pratt       52.8  9 402
 4 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.9 19 400
 5 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           53.0 20 394
 6 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      52.4  9 387
 7 Budleigh Salterton FC  Ashley Keeler       54.6 26 380
 8 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        53.3  6 367
 9 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7  2 364
10 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.6  1 340
11 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         54.9 15 338
12 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0  7 335
13 Marmaduke's Army       Edgar Rayner        54.9  2 334
14 Salad Dodgers          Sarah Bingham       53.5  0 330
15 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        53.1  6 313
15 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.9  3 313
15 Moanchester Utd        Alex Blundell       55.0  6 313
18 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          52.2  5 308
19 Dube Stars FC          Khumbula Dube       54.1  6 304
20 Irishpool              Mike Smears         52.3  3 301
21 Wymondham Wanderers    Steve Tierney       52.7  0 300
22 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         53.5  4 293
23 Nuttingham Florist     Andy Straw          52.2  4 281
24 Menarepigs3            Kate Wilson         54.2 13 265
25 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        52.9  3 260
26 Just One Finger Albion Paddy Mirams        54.2  8 238
27 Moobchester United     Jonathan King       54.9 18 232
28 Double's Utd           Rachel Jones        54.4  8 224
29 Mintal Disorder        Minty Colquhoun     52.7  6 205
30 West Vam               Tom Vamos           54.8  6 188




                          Week's Average Points         7
                          Total Average Points        317

Week 39: The End Is Nigh

Get ready to kiss the season goodbye

The title, it may not have been noticed, is actually being fought and won on the performances of just four premiership players. That is if we assume that the Malcademicals are a lost cause. Indeed, so similar are their teams that Pompey Puss and Woolyback Town AFC have transferred themselves into the following battle:

Leighton Baines EVE v Gareth Bale TOT
Dirk Kuyt LIV v Robin Van Der Vaart TOT

Managers of the Week are Nick Reed, Kate Wilson and Jonathan King. Their Stay Poyet Stay!, Menarepigs3 and Moobchester United respectively each scored a smaller than mammoth 8 points. Congratulations. The embers of the season may be fading out but your passion for the Manager of the Week Certificate burns brightly my friends.

I can tell.

All Hail The Chairman are highest climbers this week... the wonderfully monikered mob splutter up two places.

Ahem...

Try not to meet the eyes of either Neil Mcconaghy nor Steve Tierney this week. -3. Foof.


OFFL Cup Final
The OFFL Cup Final will be played in Week 41 between Real McDrid and Sheep City

Hart MC, Fabregas ARS and Drogba CHE are the only players shared by the finalists with transfers still left to play.  And that's why the cup still has its romance.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0  4 412
 2 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.4  5 408
 3 Fat Mal's MalcademicalsMalcolm Pratt       52.8  4 393
 4 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.9  1 381
 5 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      52.4 -3 378
 6 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           53.0  8 374
 7 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7  0 362
 8 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        53.3 -2 361
 9 Budleigh Salterton FC  Ashley Keeler       54.6  7 354
10 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.6  0 339
11 Marmaduke's Army       Edgar Rayner        54.9 -1 332
12 Salad Dodgers          Sarah Bingham       53.5 -2 330
13 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0  5 328
14 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         54.9  3 323
15 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.9 -1 310
16 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        53.1  3 307
16 Moanchester Utd        Alex Blundell       55.0  3 307
18 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          52.2  5 303
19 Wymondham Wanderers    Steve Tierney       52.7 -3 300
20 Irishpool              Mike Smears         52.3 -1 298
20 Dube Stars FC          Khumbula Dube       54.1  5 298
22 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         53.5  3 289
23 Nuttingham Florist     Andy Straw          52.2  1 277
24 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        52.9  4 257
25 Menarepigs3            Kate Wilson         54.2  8 252
26 Just One Finger Albion Paddy Mirams        54.2  2 230
27 Double's Utd           Rachel Jones        54.4  2 216
28 Moobchester United     Jonathan King       54.9  8 214
29 Mintal Disorder        Minty Colquhoun     52.7  3 199
30 West Vam               Tom Vamos           54.8  1 182




                          Week's Average Points         2
                          Total Average Points        310
---

Week 38: OFFL Cup Semi-Final Results

The lead has changed at the top of the table once more with a Puss in poll. The Woolybacks are looking worried and Malcademicals aren't quite sure what they've got to do to sew this thing up.

As far as the OFFL Cup is concerned: due to licensing restrictions we were unable to bring you the Cup Song of Stay Poyet Stay! last week. I can confirm it was sung at their clash with Real McDrid and it can be heard, and sung along to, at this address...

http://studmarks.blogspot.com/2011/05/stay-poyet-stay-offl-cup-song.html

Cracking stuff. Give it a go if you haven't already - 'tis rather catchy.

Manager of the Week is hospital-bound Martyn Field of Sheep City whose staggering 22 pts not only won the coveted Certificate but also helped him in his Semi-Final tie with Sarah Bingham's Salad Dodgers.

And speaking of which...


OFFL Cup Semi-Finals Results
============================


Stay Poyet Stay!   10 v 14   Real McDrid
       Nick Reed             Craig McHugh


      Sheep City   22 v 18   Salad Dodgers
    Martyn Field             Sarah Bingham
    




The Final will therefore be played between
    
    Real McDrid       v      Sheep City
    Craig McHugh             Martyn Field
    

---

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0 13 408

 2 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.4  6 403

 3 Fat Mal's MalcademicalsMalcolm Pratt       52.8 12 389

 4 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      52.4 16 381

 5 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.9 20 380

 6 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           53.0 10 366

 7 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        53.3 14 363

 8 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7 10 362

 9 Budleigh Salterton FC  Ashley Keeler       54.6 18 347

10 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.6 10 339

11 Marmaduke's Army       Edgar Rayner        54.9  9 333

12 Salad Dodgers          Sarah Bingham       53.5 18 332

13 Sheep City             Martyn Field        55.0 22 323

14 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         54.9 17 320

15 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.9 -1 311

16 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.5 14 304

16 Moanchester Utd        Alex Blundell       55.0 13 304

18 Wymondham Wanderers    Steve Tierney       52.7  5 303

19 Irishpool              Mike Smears         52.3 -1 299

20 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          52.2  5 298

21 Dube Stars FC          Khumbula Dube       54.1  6 293

22 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         53.5 10 286

23 Nuttingham Florist     Andy Straw          52.2  4 276

24 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        52.9  8 253

25 Menarepigs3            Kate Wilson         54.2 11 244

26 Just One Finger Albion Paddy Mirams        54.2 10 228

27 Double's Utd           Rachel Jones        54.4  0 214

28 Moobchester United     Jonathan King       54.9 19 206

29 Mintal Disorder        Minty Colquhoun     52.7  3 196

30 West Vam               Tom Vamos           54.8 11 181

                          Week's Average Points        10

                          Total Average Points        308

Stay Poyet Stay! OFFL Cup Song

Download here

In 1994 he won the Copa del Rey

Learnt his managing skills from a man called Juande
Assistant at Swindon, assistant at Leeds
Where others have failed, big Gus succeeds...

So

Stay Poyet Stay
In white and blue on the Wembley Way
Stay Poyet Stay-oh
We're playing for our man from Montevideo

He's built a side to win nPower league one
Defend to the death, scoring goals for fun
The dross he sells and stars he's buyin
He's our number one and he's Uruguayan

So

Stay Poyet Stay
In white and blue on the Wembley Way
Stay Poyet Stay-oh
We'll playing for our man from Montevideo

Stay Poyet Stay
In white and blue on the Wembley Way
Stay Poyet Stay-oh
We'll playing for our man from Montevideo