Week 24: Cold harsh reality

It was a cold night for our Chairman's latest trip to a live proper real authentic premier league fixture. West Ham United visited Portsmouth for what ended up being a 1 - 1 draw. Easy, as it was, to be within touching distance of the panting, steamy stallions of West Ham's Mark Noble, Matthew Upson and Behrani - naked legs glistening with perspiration... it was also rather simple to be crestfallen by watching the keystone cops that were the Premiership's bottom club, Portsmouth.

No wonder the West Ham faithful were in happy voice. At least they weren't Portsmouth.

It was long after kick off that the beauty of the game and its attendees was evinced through the Hammers' chantings of 'Stand up if you hate Redknapp' followed instantly by the entire army of Portsmouth fans jumping to their feet and repeating the line 'Stand up if you hate Redknapp' followed by, yes, the West Ham fans standing up in return.

Our most respected Chairman had no idea that feelings ran so deeply.

In fact, He even leant over to the rodent-like proletarian, wrapped in a blue scarf and blaspheming tattoos, next to him and observed that it was remarkable how 'So You Think You Can Dance' had captured everyone's imagination.

Manager of the Week is Smasher. His non-moving Inter Milandrover notched up a respectable 23 points pushing themselves just short of the chasing pack. Livercoolio jump into second place to join Dube Stars and RS T-Boy in the hunt for Decimated Left Peg's top spot.

Greg Spencer's Heroes die another death... of minus 1.

Week 23: OFFL Cup Results - First Round

In an OFFL cup week it's always good to see some high scoring going on. Well, for most of you anyway. It's even better to see your team score much less than most and still make it through to the next round because your opponent is improbably even worse than you. [All turn to look at a blushing, head-hanging, Gavin Ward (HashaSmasha) who seems to have relied on his Points per Pound difference to squeeze past Fat Mal's Second 11].

Manager of the Week is Sarah John. Her Johnnies Heroes netted a megalarge 32 points guaranteeing her passage through to the next round. Let's see how the rest of you got on...


OFFL Cup
First Round
Results, Week 23

Sheep City 21 v 8 Lovedean Academicals
Nuttingham Florist 16 v 20 Wymondham Wanderers
Lashings of Cheese 12 v 21 BM Mingmongs
Fat Mal's Second 11 7 v 7 HashaSmasha
Arsenorm 14 v 7 Radnorshire Tigers
Johnny's Heroes 32 v 15 Cardinal Gold Rovers
Livercoolio 22 v 12 Kicking the Ahbit
Pompey Puss 19 v 15 Upmintster United
Dirtbox Albion 6 v 20 A God Called Fred
Knievel United 19 v -7 Must Murder Mojo Mainly
Gotsmanov's Salute 11 v 12 Tesco Value FC
Mannschester Rovers 7 v 24 Menarepigs Is Back
Spencer's Heroes 3 v 12 Olymping Macdrid
Dube Stars 27 v 13 Inter Milandrover
Decimated Left Peg 26 v 17 Torun Terrors
RS T-Boy 23 v 2 Moanchester Onionited


Congratulations to: Martyn Field, Steve Tierney, Neil McConaghy, Gavin Ward, Mark Norman, Sarah John, Russ Bielby, Lionel Larking, Rob Ivison, Edgar Rayner, Ashley Keeler, Kate Wilson, Craig McHugh, Khumbula Dube, Neil Jukes and Rick Beecroft.

Week 22: OFFL Cup Excitement

As the highly desirable Kate Wilson nurses her wounded -6 scorehaul, Big Mally rubs his belly in celebration of being this week's Manager of the Week [by steering his Fat Mal's Second 11 to a haughty 3 points]. He then takes a few moments to consider whether or not his tic tacs should be exchanged for tactics in readiness for the Cup.

With only a few hours to spare this is his, and your, last chance to get transfers in for the first round of the OFFL Cup. It's this week. And the deadline, as per usual, is the Monday of that week. That is, today at 1730hrs.

Foof.

You know what's at stake... http://j.mp/8RF07I

Indeed, it's the Walshman versus the Welshman, Pet versus Owner, Brighton fan versus Portsmouth fan, Oxford Uni employee versus Oxford Uni employee etc etc. Gosh. How terribly, terribly exciting old bean.

Good luck to one and all.

Week 21: The OFFL Draw for the First Round

Manager of the Week is Alex Blundell. His team, Moanchester Onionited, notched up an impressive 21 points pushing themselves into Twenty-first place in the league. Which means, according to last week's Studmarks, that Onionited will be facing ninth placed RS T-Boy in the first round of the OFFL Cup to be played throughout Week 23.

So, let's have a look at the fixture list for the Cup in its entirety.


OFFL Cup

All games to be played over Week 23.

ROUND ONE

Sheep City v Lovedean Academicals
Nuttingham Florist v Wymondham Wanderers
Lashings of Cheese v BM Mingmongs
Fat Mal's Second 11 v HashaSmasha
Arsenorm v Radnorshire Tigers
Johnny's Heroes v Cardinal Gold Rovers
Livercoolio v Kicking the Ahbit
Pompey Puss v Upmintster United
Dirtbox Albion v A God Called Fred
Knievel United v Must Murder Mojo Mainly
Gotsmanov's Salute v Tesco Value FC
Mannschester Rovers v Menarepigs Is Back
Spencer's Heroes v Olymping Macdrid
Dube Stars v Inter Milandrover
Decimated Left Peg v Torun Terrors
RS T-Boy v Moanchester Onionited

In other words...

Martyn Field v Danny Atkins
Andy Straw v Steve Tierney
Chris Walsh v Neil McConaghy
Malcolm Pratt v Gavin Ward
Mark Norman v Alun Edwards
Sarah John v Nick Borrett
Russ Bielby v Mat Tucker
Lionel Larking v Minty Colquhoun
Adrian Bradley v Rob Ivison
Edgar Rayner v Chris Brown
Nick Reed v Ashley Keeler
Dan Manns v Kate Wilson
Greg Spencer v Craig McHugh
Khumbula Dube v Smasher
Neil Jukes v Guy Harewood
Rick Beecroft v Alex Blundell

Get those Cup winning transfers in as soon as you can.