Week 16: Rachel is a bottom feeder

Burlesque dancer, Rachel Jones, on a Friday night [self-portrait, 2010]

Manager of the Week, AGAIN, is Russell Bielby with his Livercoolio netting a net 18 points meaning a climb-up of another three places in the league.

Nick Reed's Stay Poyet Stay! begins to plummet - down four. Big Mally, though, squeezes himself up and onto the perch that is number one in the League, alongside Niel McConaghy. He looks over at the rather annoyed Welshman before pushing his specs up his nose, slapping the boyo on the back and saying "Aw'right Neil? How have you been?", before turning away to admire the view.

As if he cares.

All Hail The Chairman

Let me start that sentence again.

All Hail The Chairman has climbed furthest this week, up four, by scoring a mighty 16 points. Meanwhile, Manager Rob is busy behind the scenes wheeling and a-dealin' in the transfer market hoping to consolidate this week's leap across the 100 point mark.

Now unshackled from the foot of the table, Mintal Disorder leaps further away from bottom-feeding Double Utd and is streaking away to safety. Minty Colquhoun's team now rest 2 points clear of Rachel Jones's.

And talking of OFFL losers, Happy Birthday to Paddy Mirams who celebrated by achieving the worst score of the week. Minus 3 points. Lovely.

Week 15: Presents, Leaving and Leaving Presents

Manager of the Week is Smasher with a ma-hoosively surprising and very large 26 points. Surprising in that the closest rival for the coveted piece of A4 certification [that doesn't really exist these days] was Guy Harewood: a full 7 points behind. This is the very same Guy Harewood who only just managed to see his outgoing transfer Glen Johnson score 6 points for him as a leaving present.

And talking of presents... it's Christmas soon. Which means OFFL Cup first round time.

[Lone and rather feeble 'whoop' at the back - thanks Kate]

Indeed, it's probably about time that we take this chance to see last year's winner receive her prize...

Kate's Cup

http://j.mp/KateCupWin

In the meantime... Inter Milandrover move up six places to fourth, Moanchester up five to fourteenth while dropping like narcoleptic flies are Pompey Puss, Stay Poyet Stay! and Nuttingham Florist [all down two]; Paddy Mirams [down three]; Livercoolio and Irishpool [both down four].

Excruciatingly, Mintal Disorder leapfrog Double's Utd to plonk Rachel Jones' team at the foot of the table.

Well, someone's got to be there. As they do at the other end of course. Yes, BM Mingmongs enjoy an 11 point lead at the top.

Carry on.

2010 OFFL Cup Award Ceremony: Look at what you could've won

The deliciously sexist Kate Wilson [left] receiving her Menarepigs Is Back team's cup prize from one of the taller OFFL Umpa Lumpas[right]

It was a hard fought battle...  Neil Jukes's Decimated Left Peg were favourites to take the trophy and may have had their manager's pending move to Australia on their tiny minds, distracting their final match preparations.

And to prove that the OFFL is truly a family friendly debâcle

In the meantime, Kate Wilson's Menarepigs Is Back had a bit of reshuffle.

And by Reshuffle, we actually mean that she swapped her entire team out for more successful replacements.

So, for the first time in OFFL history, tactics were employed to win the final contest which ended up 22 v 14 at the final whistle.

In her post match interview, Ms Wilson exclaimed

"Oh. My. God. I am quite overcome. I won."

Even little Stanley put on his cycling helmet to join in the family celebratory mosh that is the tradition in the Wilson family home.

So, congratulations Kate.  The OFFL salutes you.

2010's OFFL Cup Prize, now in its rightful place in the Wilson Household

Week 14: Livercoolio On The Up

There's this book, right, and it's a corker. A Real Page-Turner. FULL of magic and stories and tales of duty and heroism and betrayal and temptation and all that sort of fing, right, innit though and that, and, well, there's this one bit where the Irish hero - Jesus O'Nazareth or summink - tells this geezer to get out of his wheelchair and walk. Something like that anyway, I can't remember the details but it's 'mazing, mate, a-maze-zing... [fades into background]

If we replaced the star character of the New Testament with the Manager of the Week Certificate [bear with me here], which is holding out its arms to Russ Bielby [who's just had a not-funny operation] and shouting at him to "WALK, DAMN YOU, WALK!" then I think I might have got away with that bloody awful opening paragraph.

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen of The OFFL, Russ is recovering from his operation and made his first few steps this week. He should be sent home soon. And he'll have the MofW Certificate to accompany the Nurses' Special Boy Certificate which he earned for eating all his greens.

Well done Russ.

Oh, and for your 30 points for Livercoolio.

Week 13: A Young Man's Game

This man earns more than you

Manager of the Week this week is the aged Mike Smears who hobbles his way up to the Fantasy Post Office to deposit his 10 points - only to find he'll be ninth in the queue for the whole week. Doesn't excuse his yelling obscenities at the traffic of people around him.

Bless his little rubber flexyfoot™ ferrules.

He's getting over-excited about the forthcoming OFFL Cup I 'spect.

Nick Reed. Minus 2. Really?

Week 12: Oh Deer.

While the Chairman mows down half the deer population in Argyle and Bute his Umpa Lumpas take great pleasure in issuing forth this most latest of Studmarks.

Pompey Puss is this week's Manager of the Week.  Coughing up a furball of 21 points - elevating the little scamp into fifth place.

And may we take this opportunity to remind OFFL Managers that the OFFL Cup is just round the corner. And yes, we are indeed still trying to source a prize, worthy enough of this season's winner.