Week 11: HAIL THE NEW LEADER

Neil McConaghy finally hops to the top of the pile as Smasher fails to continue to press the pace. Ant Reeves, current champions, is sneaking up on the top two tusslers by jostling himself into third and within striking distance of his throne. Tom Vamos on the other hand also displays his season-upon-season consistency.

Managers of the Week are Mark and Maddy Weavers and Rob Ivison of David Brentford FC and Wife #3 respectively. 22 points apiece. Not bad, not bad.

Everybody stare at Mike Smears of Irishpool. 1 point. Down six places. It's like kicking an old man when he's down, isn’t it?

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And a Happy Birthday to Craig McHugh McScrimgeour. May his attempt to attend a Loopy performance on Wednesday the 7th November end pleasantly. I.e. by him changing his mind at the last minute cos he's noticed there's something more interesting on TV.

Week 10: Come On England!... Oh.

A European Championship Tournament with an England team present is like asking for a poll-positioned Lewis Hamilton racing car with a sticky neutral gear.

Which has just been unknowingly topped-up with diesel.

With the brakes unseeingly jammed on.

All very exciting to begin with, with commentators bleating that it's not over till the cheerful-personalited lady sings but ultimately it'll all end in tears. Like the Rugby. Perhaps.

So, let us rejoice in the fact that it's all unlikely to happen.

Now we, at Studmarks, come to think of it, remember the last time the Chairman enjoyed a healthy summer without any heart murmurs was 1994. The World Cup In Which England Didn't Qualify. Ah yes, the good old days.

Hey, at least the Chairman isn't Welsh.

[Gasps of indignant shock from a quarter of the League]

And while the nostalgia kicks in, we see that this week's highest climbers are Mark and Maddy's David Brentford FC and 'Hunt and Peck' keyboard-Specialist Paddy Mirams's Muffins Revenge. Both teams clamber upwards six places.

Managers of the Week... oh that makes sense; managers Mark, Maddy and Paddy. Another folk group awaiting formation.

Everyone stare at birthday boy Craig McHugh... minus 2. Shame.

Week 8: MARATHON'S 100 POINT MARK PASSED BY SPRINTERS

Last season's Week 8 saw Chris Nuttal's Chris Stool Poo Lice leading the title race on a score of just 93. And where did that team end up, I ask you?

['Nowhere' is the ostensible answer]

Meanwhile the eventual champs, Ant Reeves's Anticlimax, lay in Fourteenth with a mere 57 points.

This season, we see that three teams have already puffed themselves out by passing the 100 point mark carrying the very heavy back pack of Vain Belief [that they can win this competition]. It's a heavy load to carry. Particularly when you're trotting a little closer to the pace of a sprint than a marathon.

For it is indeed, a marathon.

Not a sprint.

Manager of the Week is Neil McConaghy of Big Mac's Mingmongs who scored a rather large 24 points. This pushes him ever closer to the top of the pile leaving his team to rest at second place. What a birthday treat for him to savour this coming Monday.

Highest climber this week is David Brentford FC, Mark and Maddy's team leap up seven spots to land at Nineteenth, slightly out of breath and with a lingering dizzying sensation.

Everyone stare at Gavin. Down seven.

Week 7: Dastardly Duo Drop

It doesn't take much to rock the boat in Derby. Apart from a navigable stretch of water and, of course, a boat. But in bringing this tortured metaphor to a premature close I quickly add that it is usually a passing train that rocks the, erm..., warehouse?

No. 1 Hit In The Making

Indeed, the Real-Sense boys have turned into the Non-Sense boys and are at each other's spotty throats. A war of words broke out between RS T-boy's Rick and Livercoolio's Russ. A shame, seeing as the pair would have made a great pop-duet band-name together. However, whilst Rick 'n' Russ's ruck has ruined that risible rumination it has, however, spiced up the league table somewhat.

Eleven Goals

Whilst we hope the débâcle of the first paragraph has been forgotten, we here at Studmarks, salute the OFFL Powers That Be for bringing in an even-handed referee's decision to penalise both Managers for ungentlemanly conduct. A large point fine for each sees them suffering penance at the bottom of the table. In our opinion, they got off lightly - we saw the emails that were flying about! Shocking stuff. Enough to embarrass the Chairman's silver-haired mother into dropping a stitch.

Manager of the Week this week is spat-free Matt Waldron who guided his Waldron's Wanderers to 21 points.

Highest climbers lever themselves up ten places. And they are Matt Waldron, Gavin Ward, Malcolm Pratt.

And everybody look at Rob Ivison. His Wife #3 slips down nine.