And the Champions Are...

There are few people more petite than 'Big' Ant Reeves. Indeed, when you first meet him you get this ineffable urge to slip your hands under his armpits and lift him up onto the nearest chair in order to aid the ensuing high-pitched interlocution. Well, this week we, at OFFL HQ, can hear his almost imperceptibly high voice cheering like a girly small thing, celebrating his second OFFL Championship.

Mr Reeves: congratulations. You played the long game perfectly. Even to the point of entering your team after everyone else had. Already rumours are eddying their way to the Studmarks Offices about teams mounting court appeals against the League for allowing such behaviour.

Not that that will take any of the shine off what has been a marvellous season. And, like last year, the Championship went right to the wire. Five points finally separated Champions Anticlimax from Olymping Macdrid with only 12 points separating the top four.

No suspicions whatsoever were aroused when someone worked out that Anticlimax was an Anagram of 'AC Milan Tix'.

Left licking wounds [their own] are the season's pretenders: Irishpool, Charlton Alfetic, New York Red Balls and Chris Stool Poo Lice all had weeks at the top but couldn't turn their sprints into the ultimate marathon.

Another exciting year.

Manager of the Week
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Ashley Keeler
Football
17pts

It's the Last Week and the imaginatively named 'Football' net their manager, who inexplicably isn’t called 'Manager' but is in fact called Ashley Keeler, 17 points ensuring that no wooden spoonage comes Birmingham's way this season.

That honour goes to Dynamo Ledbolok. Adrian Bradley's awful team of pathetic no-hopers. His wife and son both finish the season higher than he. Much higher in fact. Much, much higher. Reports of moody breakfast-times are unfounded.

Also to be ashamed are the rest of you under the 200 point mark. Andy Straw's Nuttingham Florist only just reaching the total in the final week doesn’t completely avoid this humiliation and neither should it. Shoddy management all round methinks.

And now!! [Distant Fanfare].

The OFFL Cup
Final
Result
w/c 7th May

Fund-a-Mentalist FC 3 v 11 Nellies Overpaid Convicts

And the 1990 World Cup Italia England Football Team Squad Esso Coin Collection goes to Neil Davis for thwacking Sarah Bingham in the gob for 11 points against her face-scratching 3.

The favourites not only lose the final to Nellies Overpaid Convicts but also see the Cup Winners leap ahead in the final league placings.

Console yourself, Sarah, with the knowledge that you'll be receiving the 1990 World Cup Italia Scottish Football Team Squad Esso Coin Collection.

That's probably not helping is it?

Week 35: The Penultimate Week

What with the penultimate week seeing no continuation of the catching up of places Three and Four, it seems the head to head run off between Olymping Macdrid and Anticlimax goes into the final week unchallenged, with Anticlimax enjoying a two point lead and a better Points per Pound difference.

And breathe.

Next Week, Craig MacHugh McScrimgeour needs to steer his team to a score that is better than Anticlimax's by 3 points in order to stop Anthony Reeves from claiming his second Championship title.

Meanwhile, the destination of the cup will also be decided this week. Sarah Bingham, our most successful female manager this century, tries to pinch the nipples of Neil Davis before kicking him in the apex and running off screaming 'grape' and hoping to get away with it. The Esso Coin Collection destination awaits its new home.

Manager of the Week this week is Anthony Reeves of Anticlimax with 14 points. One more certificate winning week this season and he'll be crowned with that big ol' Championship Trophy. We wish.

Also of note this week, Dynamo Ledbolok reclaim the bottom spot from arch rivals Defoe King Ballacks. It seems the wooden spoon is being as hotly contested as the main prize.

Come on Scooch.