Week 30: Pride and Pregnancy

Tom Vamos is very proud of his achievement

 

 

 

So proud of his 'Passing the 100 point mark' achievement, current Gardener Tom Vamos decided to stay on that score for another week.  Meanwhile The Impregnable Top Ten has just been impregnated.  By RST-Boy of course.  Lord Beeky, whose wife has recently given birth to his second child, is no stranger to impregnating things.  In the process, The Top Ten had to make space by putting Edgar Rayner's Eggafield Rovers up for adoption.

Which is a shame.  If he was to care.

This week's Managers of the Week include Gavin Ward, Smasher and Ash Keeler.  A bookie-rattling 9 points.  Swoon.

That was sarcasm just then.  Thank you.

Right.  OFFL Cup... it's being played NOW!

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

To be played in Week 31

           Mainly Bell Jam  v RS-TBOY
           Gone Poyet Gone  v Woolyback Returns
                Which Team  v Livercoolio
   1964 Prathletico Grande  v Pyeators II

It's for a valuable* prize!

*value is open to personal intepretation.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4  5 391
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5  9 338
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0  5 329
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1  9 324
 5 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     55.0  6 318
 6 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4  6 314
 7 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4  2 297
 8 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 -1 291
 9 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3  6 288
10 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0  7 287

Week 29: Positions

It's all about position

Massive congratulations to Tom 'Each Point As It Comes' Vamos.  His 'It Goes To Eleven' week's haul of 4 points has plopped themselves on the 100 point mark.  

At long, long last.

Only another 92 points to go to lift him off the bottom of the league, eh?

And talking of positions... the top seven remain unchanged while RST-Boy creeps 2 points closer to invading the group of teams that have made up the top ten for the past 900 weeks.

Manager of the Week this week is Television Personality Nick Reed.  His Breakfast Show appearances have failed to mention the OFFL campaign leaving all the hard workers at OFFL HQ feeling a little bit miffed to be honest. Whatever.

[His Gone Poyet Gone notched up a large 23 points this week pushing him one place higher in the league]

And don't forget, gitcha transfers in for ...

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

To be played in Week 31

           Mainly Bell Jam  v RS-TBOY
           Gone Poyet Gone  v Woolyback Returns
                Which Team  v Livercoolio
   1964 Prathletico Grande  v Pyeators II

Till next week.

Tinkety tonk.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 20 386
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5  8 329
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 13 324
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1 17 315
 5 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     55.0 17 312
 6 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 18 308
 7 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4  9 295
 8 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 17 292
 9 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 10 287
10 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3 15 282

Week 28: Meaningless Triumphalism

Mike Smears [in red] organised his own private
Manager of the Week awards ceremony last week.

Manager of the Week this week is @LordBeeky of Beecroft, Mr Rick.  Indeed, with 18 points netted, RST-Boy finally look to be on the verge of entering the OFFL top ten which has remained unchanged for 346* weeks.

Meanwhile, Russell "Justin" Belielby takes a pause from his cruise to the championship allowing some of the chasing pelaton to mistakenly belieb that their chance of catching him is coming.

It isn't.  Let's face it.  The League's a write off.  All we have is the Cup and Mike Smears' meaningless triumphalism before we commit to late night World Cup Match watching.

* factually incorrect.

And talking of both...

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE, to be played in Week 31

           Mainly Bell Jam  v RS-TBOY
           Gone Poyet Gone  v Woolyback Returns
                Which Team  v Livercoolio
   1964 Prathletico Grande  v Pyeators II

Mike Smears' Meaningless Triumphalism

Irishpool
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Honourable Mr President

I write in my Official Capacity as Manager of the Week (are you sure it's not the Month?) and I assume your cheque to me is in the post. Speaking with this authority, may I propose that you introduce some gravitas (look it up in the dictionary) into the league by dismissing all managers below the age of 60, especially those five teams who at present lie between  Irishpool and a well-deserved Championship award. Please be so good as to implement this without delay.

I suppose you will disregard this proposal with your usual obduracy, so could you instead enact the following transfer please:

OUT 341 - Oscar
IN  334 - Hazard.

I shall be most obliged,

Yours respectfully,


"Bulldozer" of Bassett

---

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4  6 366

 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5 10 321

 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 14 311

 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1 12 298

 5 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.3 16 295

 6 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4  3 290

 7 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4 15 286

 8 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 10 277

 9 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 10 275

10 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3  5 267

Week 27: Timing

Comedy is all about Tierney.  I mean timing.  No, lost it.

Manager of the Week this week is Mr Mike Smears. His Irishpool thrashed the rest of the league with a mighty 15 points.  No doubt OFFL HQ will get something in the post from him [recorded delivery] pointing out where OMG Chairman is going wrong with the OFFL Winter Fuel Payments.  Or something similar.

Or dissimilar, even.

And Happy 40th Birthday [Tuesday] to Steve Tierney.  He's celebrated this week by scoring minus 1 point.

Comedy is all about...


 ...timing, Mr Tierney.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4  8 360
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5  8 311
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0  6 297
 4 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4  9 287
 5 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1  6 286
 6 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.3 15 279
 7 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4  3 271
 8 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9  2 267
 9 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 10 265
10 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3 -1 262

Week 26: St Valentine's Day Romance [of the cup], Results

The Romance of the Cup

It seems that colds, coughs and snivels have been affecting the OFFL lately forcing Russ Bielby to claim that his team is a little hoarse this week.  Not that anyone believes such nonsense, not from the tune he's been warbling out recently - listening to him, one might think that the fat lady is already singing.

Not that Russ is a fat lady, of course.

He's definitely not that.

By no stretch of a fevered imagination, no, no, no.

Which brings us neatly back to the fevered maladies that ails the OFFL.  With yet another Manager of the Week certifcate winging its way to the brutish and very masculine Russell Crowe of a man, Mr Bielby is running away with the Championship.  Managers Ward, Clayton and Smasher have, yet again, fallen off the chase pace with sore throats and rasping snotsplosions suggesting it really isn't a three hoarse race at all.

With St Valentine's Day upon us, like a hodfull of sharp-edged, gravity-stricken bricks, it is appropriate that we should be looking at THE ROMANCE OF THE CUP.  And indeed, the results are in...

OFFL Cup

ROUND TWO, Results

Livercoolio             21 v  19 Mintal Institute
                           v  16 Eggafield Rovers
 --------------------------------------------------------
It Goes To Eleven        9 v  13 Tierney's Twonks
                           v  14 Pyeators II
 --------------------------------------------------------
Woolyback Returns       16 v   1 Neil's Diamonds
                           v   6 Radnorshire Tigers
 --------------------------------------------------------
Inter Milandrover       11 v   7 Moanchester Ununited
                           v  16 Gone Poyet Gone
 --------------------------------------------------------
1964 Prathletico Grande 15 v  13 Fattered Tanj
 --------------------------------------------------------
Which Team              17 v  11 It's A Snickers
 --------------------------------------------------------
Irishpool               10 v  12 RS-TBOY
 --------------------------------------------------------
Mainly Bell Jam         16 v  15 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters
 --------------------------------------------------------

We can't believe the Bell Jams made it through.  And Minty and Edgar have reason to feel a little hard done by.  But there you see, that's the magic and romance of The Cup.  

Magic and Romance.

And feeling the magic and romance of the cup this time round are:
--------------------------
Livercoolio, Russ Bielby
Pyeators II, Dave Clayton
Woolyback Returns, Guy Harewood
Gone Poyet Gone, Nick Reed
1964 Prathletico Grande, Malcolm Pratt
Which Team, Rachel Jones
RS-TBOY, Rick Beecroft
Mainly Bell Jam, Hercule Poirot

Congratulations all.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 21 352
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5 15 303
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 14 291
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1 11 280
 5 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 13 278
 6 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4 15 268
 7 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 16 265
 8 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.3 10 264
 9 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3 13 263
10 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 16 255

Week 25: OFFL Cup Round Two: The Belgians don't stand a chance

Highest Climbers, Irishpool.  Not that we're reverting to stereotypes.

As our current Champions fall off the pace, into fourth, Gavin Ward's Blat Setter's Mad Hatters cruise into second with a Manager of the Week certificate-winning score of 32 points.  Highest climbers, Irishpool, net 31 points moving them up four spots in the table to be sure, to be sure, calm down, calm down, to be sure etc.  Such high scores are, surely, good omens for those managers in the coming OFFL Cup round... which looks like this...

OFFL Cup

ROUND TWO

            Livercoolio  v    Mintal Institute    v Eggafield Rovers
      It Goes To Eleven  v    Tierney's Twonks    v Pyeators II
      Woolyback Returns  v    Neil's Diamonds     v Radnorshire Tigers
      Inter Milandrover  v  Moanchester Ununited  v Gone Poyet Gone
      
1964 Prathletico Grande              v              Fattered Tanj
             Which Team              v              It's A Snickers
              Irishpool              v              RS-TBOY
        Mainly Bell Jam              v              Blat Setter's Mad Hatters

The Belgians don't stand a chance.  Good luck all.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 20 331
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5 32 288
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 21 277
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1  4 269
 5 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 13 265
 6 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.3 31 254
 7 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4 13 253
 8 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3 17 250
 9 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 20 249
10 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9  5 239

Week 24: Sponsored by Loopy

Hercule Poirot Leapfrogs Kate Wilson

A mainly FA Cup week for the Premiership Clubs has meant that Mainly Bell Jam has won their manager the Manager of the Week certificate with a weak week's score of 5 points.  It means Hercule Poirot leapfrogs Kate Wilson - a sight to behold, we're sure.

And that's Kate "Proud Owner of Loopy's Booster8" Wilson to you and me.

Also, Nick "Not bought an album yet" Reed's Gone Poyet Gone has squeezed past Neil "Booster8-less" McConaghy's Diamonds to claim primary position in the attempt to get into the top ten.

He's eleventh, yes.

In the meantime... here are our own Cup Fixtures for the next round of the OFFL Cup...

[This round was drawn to the sound of Loopy's new album, 'Booster8' - available from all good online music stores http://loopytheband.bandcamp.com]

OFFL Cup, sponsored by Loopy

ROUND TWO, Knockout Round, to be played over Wk 26

Eight teams will go through to the next round

            Livercoolio v   Mintal Institute   v Eggafield Rovers
      It Goes To Eleven v   Tierney's Twonks   v Pyeators II
      Woolyback Returns v   Neil's Diamonds    v Radnorshire Tigers
      Inter Milandrover v Moanchester Ununited v Gone Poyet Gone
      
1964 Prathletico Grande            v             Fattered Tanj
             Which Team            v             It's A Snickers
              Irishpool            v             RS-TBOY
        Mainly Bell Jam            v             Blat Setter's Mad Hatters
     
In the event of a draw the ties will be decided using the Points Per Pound Value.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4  0 311

 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1  0 265

 3 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5  0 256

 4 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0  0 256

 5 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4  0 252

 6 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4  0 240

 7 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9  0 234

 8 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3  0 233

 9 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9  0 229

10 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.3  0 223